I believe and practice the Roman Catholic faith - I am almost 67 yrs old, retired, living in Chicago - I live a monastic life - I practice the presence of God (Brother Lawrence of the Resurrection)- I listen always for His instruction - I have given up my family, friends, the world to serve God during all of my waking hours. I leave my apartment to buy food once a month, and sometimes a couple of more times for whatever reason. I spend $40/month on food - my income is $720/month - I send $300 - $325/month to support the Alliance Vision Education Center in Nairobi, Kenya to care for orphans who have lost their parents due to HIV/Aids. I have no "stuff" - I eat from one bowl - have one fork etc. - That should give you an idea of who I am.
Did you vow this life to God? Self sacrifice for the sake of others is wonderful and could be commendable but the Father loves you so much that He sent His Son...His self immolation is sufficient. Having no stuff is fine, and being so generous is fine, but starving yourself is not...the Lord wants you to be a living sacrifice not a dead one. If in doing His work you were to go without is one thing, but to put yourself in that position needlessly (because we will always have the poor among us) is not required.God knows the heart and Christ did the work, it is okay to send a little less and live a little better quality (sorry but I have found the RCC, and Jewish mothers, can use guilt too heavily as a motivator). Having said that, I must admit there are many Christians who are by far too selfish (it makes me wonder) and yet others under bondage regarding Tithing to the deprivation of their own family (unknowingly worse than an infidel) IMO both are sad examples of being a follower of Christ.
Now what I am about to tell you is not to discourage or dissuade you but I was a Clinical Trial Assistant for years and was Certified in Biomedical Technique (doing and running lab-tests of all sorts). This is to alert you for prayer...
To determine if a person has HIV/AIDS the first line of detection is to run we call an Elisa test...but due to the established fact that Elisa tests yield 50% false positives, a second Elisa MUST be done (because to put a person not so infected on the Aids Cocktail can kill them)....IF the two Elisa tests agree the chances are the person does have HIV/AIDS, in most modern countries (to be absolutely sure because of this danger) we run a Western Blot Test (very expensive)...this is irrefutable and always 100% correct.
Now the problem with how the W.H.O. has approached this problem in what they call "Third World" countries (especially in Africa) is that they only administer a single Elisa test (remember 50% of time it will say negative when positive and positive when negative) and if it says "positive" they give these poor souls the AIDS cocktails. I know it is hard to fathom that anyone would do this intentionally but they are actually murdering millions whether intentionally or unintentionally. Myself and others have written them and the Council for Racial Injustice many times and the response is always the same...they claim they are doing what they can on a shoestring budget and can only afford the one Elisa test (which in reality costs about $17.50 cents if you deduct the payroll costs). The lab techs who do the test get paid about $15-20 per hour and the test takes about 15 minutes on one end and about a half hour on the other. Could the World Health Organization (a UN arm philosophically based in a Eugenics oriented Darwinian/Socialist philosophy) be reducing the surplus population (as Hitler once said about killing all the Jews)?
Now I know these orphans still can use and I am sure they need your support, but if you die it stops....better to give $200 per month for 10 years than $300 for 5...the Lord wants you to live (though you would just as soon go home) not waste your own good heart towards them...I am not saying do not do it, I am saying UNLESS you are doing it because you vowed it against the word of Christ, think on these things...
I love your heart and spirit and such works are usually the result of faith not the cause...resulting from the heart of the saved (though they can never earn it) as Ephesians 2:8-10 and James would teach us...but others who do not so like this are not lacking or less than, as at the bottom line it is not about us...it is about Christ and what He did...
By the way I also loved Practicing the Presence but I love the 66 books God gave far more. Your sins are cleansed and your heart is compassionate but at least know this...you do not have to prove it to Him. I have a friend Harold who can barely survive because he always gives a tithe first (commendable I believe) but seeing him suffer needlessly is something I know God does not want. God loves a cheerful giver, are you cheerful in this lifestyle? Give as you are able not from guilt (Deut. 16:17) in proportion as God has given to you (I know it is all His) knowing what you can do is acceptable to Him because of your heart in giving and do not let the devils plague you with guilt (rebuke them immediately) if and when the time comes that you cannot do what you normally do.
When I close this I am going to pray and ask God to help you....perhaps with more resources or ideas for more resources perhaps to let you know His love is greater than your need (if it is indeed a need and not just your heart toward Him) to continue on such a limited means...listen to your heart and do not accept one iota of guilt (it is of the devil when you KNOW you live for Him)
In His love
brother Paul