Hi- I have been under a VERY dark cloud for decades. I was saved years ago and desire to know GOD but I can not feel his presence. Just fear, punishment, regret, anger and loneliness. Most of the canned responses I have seen are along the lines of: "GOD has a plan" [really? what? where?, so far it is painful]', "You are loved"[don't feel it, just fear and shame], "Trust" [Trust is so vague. Things can still get worse]....... Please forgive me for being honest but: Christian life seems full of suffering, battling given instincts, abstaining, being tested, loneliness. Everything is a sin. I could go on but the point is I do not see the joy in life. I do not want to be condemned for making the wrong choice in a life I never wanted. Intense praying and heartfelt repentance have not seemed to make a difference. There is no guarantee that tomorrow will not be much worse. Sometimes it is. Most of the responses/advice I see are worn out cliches. I have accepted our LORD as my only savior and read the bible but I have felt cold, lonely and punished all my life. I'm just out of energy and SICK of hearing the same old cliches. Very sorry for negative ranting. Thank you for listening.