I imagine that many of us decided to join this forum because we were feeling a little lonely and in need of healthy Christian fellowship. That is how I am feeling now, very extremely.
Before I start I'll introduce myself properly. My name is Emily. "Venga tu Reino" is Spanish for "May your Kingdom Come"
I think there are a lot of ways that we can react to loneliness... I mean, we can try to block out the feeling by watching a good movie or reading a book or by praying and reading the Bible. Of course, these are excellent things to do, and a lot of the time our deep emptiness can only be filled by God. But I know that there are other times when you've done all these things, and you still long for another pair of ears to listen, a true friend to communicate with.
I'm actually married, and very happily so. You could imagine that therefore no more loneliness is possible, but sadly it's not the case. Married couples need friends and community to; no man is an island, and no couple is an island either.
In fact, we're both feeling lonely and disappointed this evening and have been unable to comfort each other very much.
I'll try to explain a little more. We're now on a Christian mission; my husband is from Chile and I lived there for over 8 years, but in 2012 we felt God calling us to sell everything and come to a tropical area of Bolivia to spread the Good News through music. We came here for 3 months at the end of 2012 and had SUCH an incredible time. We preached a lot on the streets, started 2 Bible studies and made some really good friends. However, we had to travel back to Chile at the beginning of 2013 to be with my husband's family who were suffering from some serious illnesses. For many long months in Chile I pined to get back to Bolivia, missing our ministry here and the friends that we had made.
We have one particular friend in Bolivia called Erika; she and her husband Carlos got married in 2012 whilst we were here. When we left we were so upset to be separated from Erika and Carlos, as they are a young(ish!) married couple like ourselves, and we got on so well. They would attend both our Bible studies and we'd always go out to get something to eat afterwards and enjoy sitting laughing and chatting together.
At the end of Nov 2013 we were finally able to come back to Bolivia to resume our work here as my husband's family members were all stable and well. However, this time when we came back, EVERYTHING was different. It seems that after only a year of marriage, Erika and Carlos' relationship is very rocky and there is usually a tense atmosphere between them when we're with them. I feel distant and shy around Erika, which is extremely painful for me, as I had considered her to be one of my closest friends. Whilst we were away in Chile we would communicate all the time via Whatsapp, sharing our deepest feelings and troubles and praying for each other. Erika begged my husband and I to come back to Bolivia as soon as possible, and we were both so looking forward to seeing her and Carlos and spending time with them both.
But to our great pain, we have both seen that Erika doesn't seem very interested in us at all, and Carlos, although polite, doesn't say much to us either. I must add that we are currently living in their house; they very kindly insisted on us staying here whilst we carry out our mission. You'd think that living under the same roof that we'd have plenty of opportunities to enjoy friendship and fellowship together, but sadly, it is not so.
We actually all have lunch together every day, but it is usually a very tense and uncomfortable meal. No one speaks much and Erika, Carlos and his dad (who also lives here) usually get up from the table as soon as they finish eating.
Something happened this week which has upset us both deeply. Erika and Carlos had hired a maid to cook and clean for them from Monday to Saturday as they're quite well off. We quickly became friends with the maid, whose name was Liset. Every day we would help her out in the kitchen and enjoy chatting to her. We often commented that we were becoming better friends with Liset than with Erika herself! My husband loves to wash the dishes (I know, luckly me! ) and so after lunch each day we would clear up and Rodrigo would get stuck in with the dishes and we'd chat with Liset as she finished her lunch.
Anyway, we started to feel worried as we noticed that Erika was continuously finding fault with Liset's cleaning, even though we saw that she worked hard and arrived very early in the morning. Rodrigo began to fear that Erika would fire Liset, but it didn't happen on the day we expected it would, so we assumed she would be staying on. Then on Friday evening Erika casually mentioned to me that she had let Liset go, and that "another girl" would be arriving the next day. We felt so shocked and upset, as we had really become to feel friends with Liset and didn't even get to say goodbye. I know I shouldn't judge Erika and that she can hire and fire who she likes, but inwardly, I feel upset towards her as we feel that she has behaved unfairly and we're sad that she didn't give us the opportunity to say farewell to Liset.
Another thing that has hurt us a lot is that Erika is very obviously uninterested in attending our Bible studies or helping us out with the ministry. This has really shocked us as she is an extremely knowledgeable Christian, whereas Carlos is a newbie but very keen to learn more. She wants him to learn, but never makes an effort to go if he can't attend. This has hit us very hard, as we had seen her as the main collaborator in our ministry.
It seems unfair of me to dwell on so many of the negative aspects of our time here, when there are also so many positive ones too We have been going out preaching regularly and the Bible study is going well; there are around 8 of us who regularly meet together.
In a way, I'm seeing that there is a positive side to these feelings of disappointment in terms of our friendship with Erika and Carlos. One of the reasons why I felt dissatisfied and alone in Chile in 2013 was that I was missing their friendship. But now, when we go back to Chile (we can only stay here for 3 months this time too, again because of my husband's family) I will find it easier to find contentment there, as I won't be hankering after deep friendships in another life, in a different country....
I've also done some soul-searching and realised that my main reason for coming back to Bolivia was to enjoy the friendship and fellowship of Erika especially; I feel sad to say that my principal motive was not the preaching work we do here. The good thing is that we can do this work wherever we are, and are praying that God will guide us as to how we can spread the Good News in Chile when we get back in Feb.
I'm sorry if I've bored you all with this long, drawn out post; please forgive me. I knew that I wouldn't find peace until I had shared these feelings with others, and I thank you for reading and "listening". I find that writing about one's deepest, darkest feelings in a place of love and acceptance can be incredibly therapeutic, and I would love to know if others here feel similarly isolated and if we can pull together as an online community to listen, pray for and communicate with each other.
Much love in Christ,
Your sister, Emily
Before I start I'll introduce myself properly. My name is Emily. "Venga tu Reino" is Spanish for "May your Kingdom Come"
I think there are a lot of ways that we can react to loneliness... I mean, we can try to block out the feeling by watching a good movie or reading a book or by praying and reading the Bible. Of course, these are excellent things to do, and a lot of the time our deep emptiness can only be filled by God. But I know that there are other times when you've done all these things, and you still long for another pair of ears to listen, a true friend to communicate with.
I'm actually married, and very happily so. You could imagine that therefore no more loneliness is possible, but sadly it's not the case. Married couples need friends and community to; no man is an island, and no couple is an island either.
In fact, we're both feeling lonely and disappointed this evening and have been unable to comfort each other very much.
I'll try to explain a little more. We're now on a Christian mission; my husband is from Chile and I lived there for over 8 years, but in 2012 we felt God calling us to sell everything and come to a tropical area of Bolivia to spread the Good News through music. We came here for 3 months at the end of 2012 and had SUCH an incredible time. We preached a lot on the streets, started 2 Bible studies and made some really good friends. However, we had to travel back to Chile at the beginning of 2013 to be with my husband's family who were suffering from some serious illnesses. For many long months in Chile I pined to get back to Bolivia, missing our ministry here and the friends that we had made.
We have one particular friend in Bolivia called Erika; she and her husband Carlos got married in 2012 whilst we were here. When we left we were so upset to be separated from Erika and Carlos, as they are a young(ish!) married couple like ourselves, and we got on so well. They would attend both our Bible studies and we'd always go out to get something to eat afterwards and enjoy sitting laughing and chatting together.
At the end of Nov 2013 we were finally able to come back to Bolivia to resume our work here as my husband's family members were all stable and well. However, this time when we came back, EVERYTHING was different. It seems that after only a year of marriage, Erika and Carlos' relationship is very rocky and there is usually a tense atmosphere between them when we're with them. I feel distant and shy around Erika, which is extremely painful for me, as I had considered her to be one of my closest friends. Whilst we were away in Chile we would communicate all the time via Whatsapp, sharing our deepest feelings and troubles and praying for each other. Erika begged my husband and I to come back to Bolivia as soon as possible, and we were both so looking forward to seeing her and Carlos and spending time with them both.
But to our great pain, we have both seen that Erika doesn't seem very interested in us at all, and Carlos, although polite, doesn't say much to us either. I must add that we are currently living in their house; they very kindly insisted on us staying here whilst we carry out our mission. You'd think that living under the same roof that we'd have plenty of opportunities to enjoy friendship and fellowship together, but sadly, it is not so.
We actually all have lunch together every day, but it is usually a very tense and uncomfortable meal. No one speaks much and Erika, Carlos and his dad (who also lives here) usually get up from the table as soon as they finish eating.
Something happened this week which has upset us both deeply. Erika and Carlos had hired a maid to cook and clean for them from Monday to Saturday as they're quite well off. We quickly became friends with the maid, whose name was Liset. Every day we would help her out in the kitchen and enjoy chatting to her. We often commented that we were becoming better friends with Liset than with Erika herself! My husband loves to wash the dishes (I know, luckly me! ) and so after lunch each day we would clear up and Rodrigo would get stuck in with the dishes and we'd chat with Liset as she finished her lunch.
Anyway, we started to feel worried as we noticed that Erika was continuously finding fault with Liset's cleaning, even though we saw that she worked hard and arrived very early in the morning. Rodrigo began to fear that Erika would fire Liset, but it didn't happen on the day we expected it would, so we assumed she would be staying on. Then on Friday evening Erika casually mentioned to me that she had let Liset go, and that "another girl" would be arriving the next day. We felt so shocked and upset, as we had really become to feel friends with Liset and didn't even get to say goodbye. I know I shouldn't judge Erika and that she can hire and fire who she likes, but inwardly, I feel upset towards her as we feel that she has behaved unfairly and we're sad that she didn't give us the opportunity to say farewell to Liset.
Another thing that has hurt us a lot is that Erika is very obviously uninterested in attending our Bible studies or helping us out with the ministry. This has really shocked us as she is an extremely knowledgeable Christian, whereas Carlos is a newbie but very keen to learn more. She wants him to learn, but never makes an effort to go if he can't attend. This has hit us very hard, as we had seen her as the main collaborator in our ministry.
It seems unfair of me to dwell on so many of the negative aspects of our time here, when there are also so many positive ones too We have been going out preaching regularly and the Bible study is going well; there are around 8 of us who regularly meet together.
In a way, I'm seeing that there is a positive side to these feelings of disappointment in terms of our friendship with Erika and Carlos. One of the reasons why I felt dissatisfied and alone in Chile in 2013 was that I was missing their friendship. But now, when we go back to Chile (we can only stay here for 3 months this time too, again because of my husband's family) I will find it easier to find contentment there, as I won't be hankering after deep friendships in another life, in a different country....
I've also done some soul-searching and realised that my main reason for coming back to Bolivia was to enjoy the friendship and fellowship of Erika especially; I feel sad to say that my principal motive was not the preaching work we do here. The good thing is that we can do this work wherever we are, and are praying that God will guide us as to how we can spread the Good News in Chile when we get back in Feb.
I'm sorry if I've bored you all with this long, drawn out post; please forgive me. I knew that I wouldn't find peace until I had shared these feelings with others, and I thank you for reading and "listening". I find that writing about one's deepest, darkest feelings in a place of love and acceptance can be incredibly therapeutic, and I would love to know if others here feel similarly isolated and if we can pull together as an online community to listen, pray for and communicate with each other.
Much love in Christ,
Your sister, Emily
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