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- Nov 5, 1971 (Age: 44)
- Mother, Author & Business Woman
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Heidi von Liebenstein
Member, Female, 44
Love simplifies everything =) Feb 26, 2014
- Nov 5, 1971 (Age: 44)
- Mother, Author & Business Woman
- A single parent of 4 boys, 20 years between the oldest and the youngest. Also having 2 grandchildren. I love my church, and am part of the worship band, and at times help out with the children's ministry. I have a heart for other mothers.
I understand why they call life - life and not vacation.
Grew up in a Christian family, but was not in love with God. Childhood was normal in many ways, but then at 12, my mother had a nervous breakdown, and I was in an inappropriate relationship with a man who worked for my father. Left home at 19, dropped out of college to have my first son, and became a single mother. I went back to college, got a degree, and married a man who fit my 'Check List' of the 'Perfect Christian Man' to marry.
There were some people within the church who were quick to throw stones about things they did not know the truth about. I learned 'Why' Jesus did not defend himself at the cross. Because Jesus knew, the opinion of people did not matter. God in Heaven is the Final Judge, and only His point of view matters. Putting pride aside. I choose to ask them to forgive me, and I struggled as I tried to forgive them. My husband and I prayed if we should leave the church, but we felt we needed to stay for a while. Later after we both felt released to leave, and we did.
I do not remember many good women role models within the home life. As a single mother I had needed to do it all by myself. I learned what it was like to step back and give my husband leadership of our home. Years after our marriage we had another son, and 1 year later, my husband had a nervous breakdown. 9 months later he moved out to find himself. Many people in and out of the church again were quick to throw stones, and to quote scriptures at me and blaming me for all of the problems. (Again I learned who did not speak to me as My God spoke to me.)
Again i was a single mother with two boys.
This time, we had many rental properties, tax issues, debt, and much unresolved business.
All in my plate to handle.
I was very hurt, I was very upset, and I felt isolated.
I was not always a perfect wife, but I was not defending myself when my husband spoke lies about me to everyone else either.
I did not want to talk to those in the Christian community.
I learned people do not always want to see God's view, just that their logic is right.
My husband and I still went to counseling after he moved out.
But realizing his mental state, and his choices to not be honest, responsible, or accountable, I was not ready to go back to a relationship like that, I was too hurt now that he left us.
(I am not saying my example is what anyone else should or should not do, I only have to answer to God for my choices, as someone else has to answer for theirs.)
What I did learn about being pushed to the outside of the church culture - is that there are many hurting people who want to know God, but fear getting hurt by the people within the church.
Being at a point where I did not care anymore what people thought, I did finally open my heart up to another man, whom I eventually adored. I had not told anyone when my husband moved out. I did not tell anyone when I started to date again. I was then again a black sheep within those who were more righteous than I was. I thought it was all going great, but then he said somethings due to a few issues still unresolved from my exhusband, and it crushed me!
THEN - I prayed -
God forgive me for putting men first, verses putting you first.
Four months later, my oldest son was in the military.
While the man I adored moved out and in with another woman.
I was in my second trimester of our second pregnancy (my fourth son - our fifth).
I was crushed, and I wept.
I learned that intense tears can cause chest pain.
I learned that intense crying can loose the voice.
I learned reading about the pruning of the branches is a lot less painful then living through the pruning of the branches.
My life was the consequences of my choices - my logic.
3 yrs later, here I am today.
Still single, yet I am happier than ever.
Yes I miss a relationship, and yes I could get one if I wanted ... but
I am 'IN LOVE' with my God.
My God is my boyfriend.
My God IS my provider - and I have stories for everything I have.
When I tell the stories of my life to others, they cannot look at me and know it is God working in my life.
I know my purpose.
My purpose is to understand others who have been hurt as I have been hurt.
My purpose is to help others see they are just like me, where I was maybe where they are, but the principles I choose to implement, they can too. Then they will have the love and joy within themselves just as I do.
I know my purpose is to help other women, mainly other mothers.
With 20 years between my oldest and my youngest, there are lots of things I did not realize I was doing the first time around.
Sadly there is a high number of single parents - fathers and mothers, where the other parent has just left completely, or is only there if it is convenient.
I know my purpose is not to throw stones.
My purpose is to show others how God can work in their lives just as he is working in my life.
One day I believe God will bless me with another husband (I will not pick him again).
This time it will be different - this time, my spouse will be the one God sees as the best one out there to help me accomplish what God needs me/us to accomplish.
I have learned that principles in life are like the trunk of an apple tree, or the root of a rose bush. While each situation is as unique as each apple on a tree, or each blossom of a rose bud - apples do not grow on bushes, and roses do not grow on trees. Thus principles are at the roots of our situations, even if we do not know what they are, thus we often repeat the same situations we were in before.
I know that God never makes mistakes.
I know overcoming my struggles can help encourage another if they want to also over come.
I believe when I am in the hands of Jesus, I can never get lower than where He can hold me up. I believe His Love protects me, and if I face anything I might struggle with, it is for my reformation to bring more glory back to God.
I believe we are all created to worship GOD, and no one else or anything else can fill the void only God can fill. Second to that, would be other people, family, friends, and then skills and hobbies.
My intent is only to help, not harm.
I am not perfect - but I am perfectly imperfect.
If I was perfect, why would I need a savior?
I know I need my savior!