Feeling Lonely And Disappointed

Discussion in 'Fellowship Time' started by vengaturreino, Jan 5, 2014.

  1. #1 vengaturreino, Jan 5, 2014
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2014
    I imagine that many of us decided to join this forum because we were feeling a little lonely and in need of healthy Christian fellowship. That is how I am feeling now, very extremely.

    Before I start I'll introduce myself properly. My name is Emily. "Venga tu Reino" is Spanish for "May your Kingdom Come" :)

    I think there are a lot of ways that we can react to loneliness... I mean, we can try to block out the feeling by watching a good movie or reading a book or by praying and reading the Bible. Of course, these are excellent things to do, and a lot of the time our deep emptiness can only be filled by God. But I know that there are other times when you've done all these things, and you still long for another pair of ears to listen, a true friend to communicate with.

    I'm actually married, and very happily so. You could imagine that therefore no more loneliness is possible, but sadly it's not the case. Married couples need friends and community to; no man is an island, and no couple is an island either.

    In fact, we're both feeling lonely and disappointed this evening and have been unable to comfort each other very much.

    I'll try to explain a little more. We're now on a Christian mission; my husband is from Chile and I lived there for over 8 years, but in 2012 we felt God calling us to sell everything and come to a tropical area of Bolivia to spread the Good News through music. We came here for 3 months at the end of 2012 and had SUCH an incredible time. We preached a lot on the streets, started 2 Bible studies and made some really good friends. However, we had to travel back to Chile at the beginning of 2013 to be with my husband's family who were suffering from some serious illnesses. For many long months in Chile I pined to get back to Bolivia, missing our ministry here and the friends that we had made.

    We have one particular friend in Bolivia called Erika; she and her husband Carlos got married in 2012 whilst we were here. When we left we were so upset to be separated from Erika and Carlos, as they are a young(ish!) married couple like ourselves, and we got on so well. They would attend both our Bible studies and we'd always go out to get something to eat afterwards and enjoy sitting laughing and chatting together.

    At the end of Nov 2013 we were finally able to come back to Bolivia to resume our work here as my husband's family members were all stable and well. However, this time when we came back, EVERYTHING was different. It seems that after only a year of marriage, Erika and Carlos' relationship is very rocky and there is usually a tense atmosphere between them when we're with them. I feel distant and shy around Erika, which is extremely painful for me, as I had considered her to be one of my closest friends. Whilst we were away in Chile we would communicate all the time via Whatsapp, sharing our deepest feelings and troubles and praying for each other. Erika begged my husband and I to come back to Bolivia as soon as possible, and we were both so looking forward to seeing her and Carlos and spending time with them both.

    But to our great pain, we have both seen that Erika doesn't seem very interested in us at all, and Carlos, although polite, doesn't say much to us either. I must add that we are currently living in their house; they very kindly insisted on us staying here whilst we carry out our mission. You'd think that living under the same roof that we'd have plenty of opportunities to enjoy friendship and fellowship together, but sadly, it is not so.

    We actually all have lunch together every day, but it is usually a very tense and uncomfortable meal. No one speaks much and Erika, Carlos and his dad (who also lives here) usually get up from the table as soon as they finish eating.

    Something happened this week which has upset us both deeply. Erika and Carlos had hired a maid to cook and clean for them from Monday to Saturday as they're quite well off. We quickly became friends with the maid, whose name was Liset. Every day we would help her out in the kitchen and enjoy chatting to her. We often commented that we were becoming better friends with Liset than with Erika herself! My husband loves to wash the dishes (I know, luckly me! ;)) and so after lunch each day we would clear up and Rodrigo would get stuck in with the dishes and we'd chat with Liset as she finished her lunch.

    Anyway, we started to feel worried as we noticed that Erika was continuously finding fault with Liset's cleaning, even though we saw that she worked hard and arrived very early in the morning. Rodrigo began to fear that Erika would fire Liset, but it didn't happen on the day we expected it would, so we assumed she would be staying on. Then on Friday evening Erika casually mentioned to me that she had let Liset go, and that "another girl" would be arriving the next day. We felt so shocked and upset, as we had really become to feel friends with Liset and didn't even get to say goodbye. I know I shouldn't judge Erika and that she can hire and fire who she likes, but inwardly, I feel upset towards her as we feel that she has behaved unfairly and we're sad that she didn't give us the opportunity to say farewell to Liset.

    Another thing that has hurt us a lot is that Erika is very obviously uninterested in attending our Bible studies or helping us out with the ministry. This has really shocked us as she is an extremely knowledgeable Christian, whereas Carlos is a newbie but very keen to learn more. She wants him to learn, but never makes an effort to go if he can't attend. This has hit us very hard, as we had seen her as the main collaborator in our ministry.

    It seems unfair of me to dwell on so many of the negative aspects of our time here, when there are also so many positive ones too We have been going out preaching regularly and the Bible study is going well; there are around 8 of us who regularly meet together.

    In a way, I'm seeing that there is a positive side to these feelings of disappointment in terms of our friendship with Erika and Carlos. One of the reasons why I felt dissatisfied and alone in Chile in 2013 was that I was missing their friendship. But now, when we go back to Chile (we can only stay here for 3 months this time too, again because of my husband's family) I will find it easier to find contentment there, as I won't be hankering after deep friendships in another life, in a different country....

    I've also done some soul-searching and realised that my main reason for coming back to Bolivia was to enjoy the friendship and fellowship of Erika especially; I feel sad to say that my principal motive was not the preaching work we do here. The good thing is that we can do this work wherever we are, and are praying that God will guide us as to how we can spread the Good News in Chile when we get back in Feb.

    I'm sorry if I've bored you all with this long, drawn out post; please forgive me. I knew that I wouldn't find peace until I had shared these feelings with others, and I thank you for reading and "listening". I find that writing about one's deepest, darkest feelings in a place of love and acceptance can be incredibly therapeutic, and I would love to know if others here feel similarly isolated and if we can pull together as an online community to listen, pray for and communicate with each other.

    Much love in Christ,

    Your sister, Emily
  2. I understand being in a lonely relationship; I am not sure how to go about turning that around. It helps when both parties have similar interests and goals..
  3. Hi Brother Mike!

    You're absolutely right about having the same or similar interests and goals, that is so important. You know, I didn't really mean that I feel lonely and that my husband is at all to blame for that; we get on incredibly well and love to do activities together and communicate well. I think what I meant was that even if you have an amazing marriage, we all still need friends and Christian brothers and sisters. In my case, I need heart to heart time with a Christian sister or else I start to feel sad and lonely. I don't know if this is just a female thing; perhaps. Last night I felt this very acutely and poured out my heart to God and He gave me some beautiful Psalms to read that comforted me so much.
    Brother_Mike_V likes this.
  4. I have felt that loneliness as well, only across states and not countries. Even though we sometimes drift apart from our friends and family emotionally, I sincerely believe that God puts people in our lives for a reason. :)
    vengaturreino likes this.
  5. Hi Emily,

    I can relate to what you are feeling about the loneliness, here's what I can offer to you from my times of loneliness, I would turn to the Word, like you said you have done, I would believe the promise about Jesus that he would never leave or forsake me and in so doing through my reading I would find fellowship and communion with my Lord, ...over the years this has developed into a fidelity towards Him in that when I'm perplexed or have a problem or difficulty I always turn to Him first.

    My I also suggest that the "tense" feelings you are experiencing might be Father's way of moving you on to something greater He has for you?


    vengaturreino likes this.
  6. Thank you Gene! It's true; this loneliness can bring us so much deeper into fellowship with God, can't it? Thank you for your words of encouragement.
  7. Hi! I agree. Although we can drift apart from friends and even some family members, it's so important to continue reaching out to them and not give up on people. If you feel lonely, send me an email! Mine is vengaturreino@gmail.com

    God bless,

    Love in Christ,

  8. Oh, thank you. :) I will keep that in mind! You can do the same. I will message you my email address.
  9. Hi Emily,

    Maybe you are with Erika and Carlos for a purpose. Erika called you to come. Maybe she is struggling with her faith now and her rejection of you is actually her questioning of her faith or God's purpose in it. There is some reason she is not as interested in God as she was. Having a positive influence and affirmations in Christ could be what changes the situation for this couple who need help. Think of the situation from God's perspective. What are the needs of Erika and Carlos? Love can change a lot. This is an opportunity to mature in your love for these two people who need help. Are you trusting God with the situation? Are you believing and praying for them. Meaningful purpose can fill a giant hole made by loneliness. I do not want to in any way sound callous to your needs, but when we grow in our love from Christ we stop seeing the negatives of what is and rather see the positives of what is possible. God is always taking the worst circumstances and making them into new beautiful creations through his people. You have a choice to see this situation as a trap or loss or to see it as an opportunity for God to create something beautiful through you. Even if you don't see results if you have a loving servant attitude you will be planting seeds that maybe another will later water that will change their lives and maybe make them powerful tools for Christ. Even if they never respond you don't know what God will do with you if you by faith trust him to bring good into your life. Maybe a new positive perspective through God will bring new positive friends into your life.

    I pray that you have peace and comfort, joy and insight throughout the moments of your days and that you are able to find something beautiful from God everywhere you are. I will also put my email in a conversation because I want you to have encouragement whenever you need it.
    Heidi von Liebenstein likes this.
  10. Sometimes when we are younger, the perceptions of how life should be is not always the way it works out to be.

    I know when I was first married and I thought my life was suppose to be perfect, because I had lived by all of 'the rules' ... yet being married I was still not complete. I had not been taught to get my support from God on a deep personal level - yes I grew up in a Christian home, but how to fall in love with Jesus on a deep level was not taught to me. Also in my culture, there were other things I was not taught to be a good wife - those came in time, and also when my husband gave me time to learn.

    I could be wrong - but I am sensing your friend has some other issues she is not yet sure how to handle.
    They might be from before you knew her, it might be something that she had recently over heard, and accepted a bad seed within her heart or mind. No matter what she is going through, she is not alone, neither are you.

    You both sound like you have husbands who love you both, and the four of you are great friends. Pray with your husband. With God's leading He might be the perfect friend for her husband. You both can support each other - also understand, supporting does not always mean telling other people how to change. But with prayer, seek questions that can get her to open up as to how she is feeling. Let her know she is safe with you, and she is also safe with her husband. You husband is also to encourage him, to let him know he is safe as well.

    WORDS OF WISDOM - An Awesome Tip - It works
    (my husband once used it on me - it took a few months, but it worked)

    The two of you are one.
    There is an amazing power you have with your spouse as a Christian!
    Know - God will never force himself on you
    Know - God created us and only ordained 2 relationships - first our relationship with Him, second our relationship with our spouse.
    Know - God Always answer prayer according to His Will
    Know - When you get married - the two of you are one.

    Thus - if a spouse is not lining up to God's will - the other spouse can pray that anything that is not according to God's will within their life be stopped, and everything that is according to God's will within their life be blessed.
    Thus - God will work in the life of a spouse (since the two of them are one) when the other spouse prays according to God's will.

    Also know the Greatest Commandment -
    Love the Lord Your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength.
    The second is to love your neighbor as your self, and Jesus even expands on that and says to Love them as Christ Loves us.

    Thus - through out the struggle, trust God
    Through out the struggle, Know God Is Still in Control
    Know through out our struggles, God refines us (not just the other person)
    Know God never makes mistakes - and some lessons we will not learn if we are forced to travel another path.

    And throughout it all
    When time passes and you all look back - She will see that you talked to her with love, you tried to support her with love, you accepted her with love ... you cannot answer for her choices ... but God will see if He was able to flow through you to her with His Love.

    You do not need to know how.
    You just need to trust His Love and His Purpose.
    He will answer you - seek Him!
  11. Hello Emily, I just read your testimony and I just wanted to thank you for being so open and humble, it really has blessed me tonight. I believe your situation to be one which many Christians experience and I think if you look upon this as an opportunity to seek God on a deeper level, then you won't go too far wrong. My wife and I took a more relaxed role from our local church oversight due to the birth of our two new babies and it's been bitter/sweet, sweet in that David and Emily are just terrific kids and I am thoroughly enjoying every minute, they were a nine year promise from God fulfilled and I can't believe how great it is. Bitter in that I've struggled almost all of the way through being on the side-lines and being unable to help in situations due to work and of course spending proper time with my wife and babies. I am assured that this season has been needful, not for me but for my children so that they might receive a full foundation in our love and care before we set off on the path again. This is something God has made clear to us even though it's something I've struggled with personally. It's made me feel quite alone but it's also made me seek God more and give him some room to change a few things in my heart and mind, the season isn't over yet but I think as always with God, we don't see his full intentions until things change, then we see just how much he's been working on our behalf and preparing us for the next season in our lives. I hope this little message has helped because you've blessed me sis', don't worry, rest in him and let him do his work and you'll receive your reward. Blessings....
    vengaturreino likes this.
  12. Hi Heidi,

    What beautiful words, thank you :)
  13. Thank you brother, for these encouraging words :) God bless you and your family!
  14. Don't be sorry for posting this or "boring" us.....you have done the right thing. You have realized error and you have found comfort....and you know that God is with you. There is nothing wrong in these things! :)

    For a year I moved to a place far from my home for a residential volunteer program. I was assigned to a small work team. All throughout the work program I made a few close friends - and I treasured that closeness and those friendships. However....after I got home and that contained, close atmosphere was no more - I lost those friendships or the friends grew much more distant. Everyone went on with their lives. I don't have those kind of close friends where I live. So for awhile after that I had wonder lust - I wanted to move to new places and start all over again.

    Now though I have realized that God wants me at home for now. It is not about the connections I make (even though that can be a nice part of it) but about the God Who is our constant and closest friend throughout all seasons of this life. It is about Him whose will I want to do. It is about Him who I am growing to know more and more. :) I still miss from time to time those close friendships that I had - but I know contentment and happiness again - being in the place that God wants me to be. And He is Faithful in all circumstances. And He is more then enough in all circumstances. :) "Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage--with great patience and careful instruction." 2 Timothy 4:2.

    And Christ understands the loneliness to. During His darkest hour (right before the Cross) all His closest friends from the last three years ran away, leaving Him behind. This is part of the reason why our High Priest understands us and sympathizes so well. He's been through it. And we all know that Christ's story - even with that loneliness during the darkest time turned to victory. As with Him, so shall it be with us!

    God has you where he wants you - and you will be just fine. :) In the meantime of course talk about it - that is why you are part of a Body! :)
    vengaturreino likes this.
  15. Aw thank you, you are definitely a woman of God and you'll be just fine, i believe God gave me a word for you if you don't mind me sharing, very simple - "you...are a son and a trusted friend" - God bless you....
    vengaturreino likes this.
  16. Thanks Tressa, what a beautiful testimony and message for all of us :)
  17. Thank you, that has really blessed me. May God bless and guide you in your ministry :)
  18. Hi everyone, indeed, loneliness could lead us into depression or thinking about our faulty pasts. But hey, we always have Jesus by our sides. In Christ, there's an everlasting joy. Thinking it on another positive perspective, loneliness is the best opportunity that we have to get closer to God as the bible says in James 4: 8- Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

    http://dovephiloh.wordpress.com/ <<< Check out this blog! Hope that you could find happiness in your everyday life through this blog, whether your day be splendid or gloomy. Have a nice day ahead everyone, God bless :)
    vengaturreino likes this.

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