About two months ago my wife started seeing another man. Our marriage had been rocky up to this point, but we still lived together and I was trying to work things out. During this time I was saved. I had been an unbeliever for all of my life (im 35 now). She attempted to let me try and work things out and told me to do so, I'd need to move out so she could have her space. So I obliged her and a co-worker let me rent a room from him. I've been out about two weeks now. Unbeknownst to me, while I was attempting to save our marriage, she was in the arms of another man. We are still married by the way. She started asking me about the children meeting the new man a few weeks ago, but I was against it. I flatly stated I did not want them around him until, in the very least, we were legally divorced. My children are 5 years and 18 months, both girls. My wife decided she was going to do what she wanted anyway and introduced my girls to this man. It goes without saying that I was both devestated and angry at the same time. I was just at the point of forgiveness for her or at least on that path. I was actually on the phone with her genuinely apologizing for my role in her life that led her to do the things she was doing. It was my way of forgiving her; accepting that my previous actions caused the distance in our relationship.
Now I'm faced with the reality of needing to meet this man while my heart is still mourning the loss of my wife to him. I feel I need to know who my girls are around. I need to know his character, which at this point, I feel is severely flawed. I just don't know how to go about it. My wife wants to be there when I meet him, but I have flat out denied her that request. I feel no honest conversation can happen with her looming over us. A pastor of a friend has offered himself up as a mediator but I'm not sure if I should take him up on the offer. Also, I do not even know what kind of questions to ask this man. I feel that I am about to willing walk into a mess and just really would like some guidance on how to proceed.
Any advice would be appreciated.
P.S. Since typing this up I have been given a bit of advice from the legal side of this situation. A lawyer as told me that I should move back into the household. He stated that by me moving out, I have abandoned the household and an treading close to losing my right to custody, if I so chose. He also said I should not meet this new man because it serves no purpose in the long run.
I'm so confused...
Josh
Now I'm faced with the reality of needing to meet this man while my heart is still mourning the loss of my wife to him. I feel I need to know who my girls are around. I need to know his character, which at this point, I feel is severely flawed. I just don't know how to go about it. My wife wants to be there when I meet him, but I have flat out denied her that request. I feel no honest conversation can happen with her looming over us. A pastor of a friend has offered himself up as a mediator but I'm not sure if I should take him up on the offer. Also, I do not even know what kind of questions to ask this man. I feel that I am about to willing walk into a mess and just really would like some guidance on how to proceed.
Any advice would be appreciated.
P.S. Since typing this up I have been given a bit of advice from the legal side of this situation. A lawyer as told me that I should move back into the household. He stated that by me moving out, I have abandoned the household and an treading close to losing my right to custody, if I so chose. He also said I should not meet this new man because it serves no purpose in the long run.
I'm so confused...
Josh