Where to draw the line in intimacy before marriage?

Discussion in 'College and Youth' started by nmarie818, Jan 15, 2008.

  1. Yes, my guess is they come here feeling guilty. They don't want to talk about what they've already done to the people in their church, so they come here and give a half story. After they write it, they're done, they've vented already, and that's all they wanted to do. They only wanted to vent, and never come back to read the advice given.
  2. Yep!!! You got it!!

    Here is an old thread that talks about God causing trails and stuff. It's 2008 so it's right up your ally.

  3. #23 Cosmicwaffle, Mar 25, 2014
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2014
    I'm waiting till marriage until I even KISS my future wife. I think the physical connection should only start when you are ready to become one flesh. And I believe that marriage is the only means by which a man and woman should have a close relationship.

    I'm kindof heartbroken because kids at my youth group are actually DATING eachother! Which I think is very unbiblical and secular.
    Euphemia, God calls me Olivia and Where is the Messiah says Amen and like this.
  4. Smart move Cosmo, may God help you keep these good and pure intentions(y)

    Try to remembers as you deal with your friends not to get into hypocrisy and use kindness in your right stand on this issue, unless you be drawn into temptation yourself.
  5. Yea I've already explained to some of them how I feel about it. I told them I wasn't condemning them I was just sharing my thoughts on how God wants us to be married.
  6. Good Cosmo, If they don't understand now, one day they will..but it might come from some painful lessons?
  7. Yea... One kid says there was some drama in the youth group because of break ups. I told him the reason was because when two people get that close they are wired in a way that is supposed to work for life (Just you and that person, noone else), and when for selfish reasons they break up, it hurts.

    That's why I believe when you are going to have a relationship like that with the opposite sex, marriage is the only way. You can't just get really close for a while and then separate, God didn't create us to separate, but to join together.
  8. God is the creator of all things, and His laws serve to protect us & offer us the best possible versions of his creation - INCLUDING physical intimacy and sex!

    Growing up I always heard, "Don't have sex before marriage!" But I never learned WHY. The reasons were always sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy! Well condoms fixed that (I wasn't a believer growing up).

    It wasn't until I took a class in my undergraduate Psychology studies (the class was Biological Psychology) that I learned of a really good reason why to abstain from premarital sex and physical intimacy. That reason is a (largely female) hormone called Oxytocin. Oxytocin is a pair bonding hormone, and it's released during physical intimacy and childbirth/breast-feeding. This hormone biologically & neurologically BONDS you to your child or partner.

    Society likes to make light of girls who lose their virginities and then are hopelessly clingy to their boyfriends/partners, but they have no idea of the strength of this hormone. Stress studies indicate that girls who lose their virginities and then experience a break-up in the relationship go through more stress than a first divorce. God wasn't joking when He said that two people joined together as one when they laid with one another.

    Another really good reason to abstain for premarital intimacy is that sex is really, really important in marriage and the more intimacy you have before marriage, statistically the less you'll have after marriage. One reason is because when you protect your sexuality before marriage, sex is held as an IMPORTANT (because it is) fixture in marriage AFTER marriage. If you treat it as not that big of a deal, it'll be of less quality and of less frequency after marriage - because it wasn't held up as this amazing gift to be stewarded - which it is.

    I bring God into ALL realms of my life because I want to possess the greatest versions of those realms!
    God created sex & sexuality, He knows what He's talking about.
    Hope that helps!!
  9. God gave us a body. We desire intimacy in the fullest way via intercourse with the opposite sex. That is a neutral desire and not sinful.

    Your turning that desire into sin by prolonging getting married so either marry this guy or dump him and find another one. But try to look at it as your having a gift to offer your future husband. That gift is love. Christ's love in you if you're saved. And your body.

    This is how you should think about sex. Not try to think only about getting what you want.
    Where is the Messiah likes this.
  10. Don't be worried Cosmos! And people might look down bad on you.. I saw my wife only once before my marriage.. And that one time was when we got engaged.. Did not talk with her before engagement.. And talked for 5 mins on the day of engagement.. Then I moved to US for work.. We got married close to 5 months after our engagement.. Used to talk over phone.. For some 10 minutes everyday.. But that was it.. Really saw her full face only on the day or marriage! LOL!! But it had a lot to do with our culture back in India as well.. I am saying this only to let everyone know that dating is not a "mandate" for a successful marriage.. I will be celebrating 4th wedding anniversary on May 10th.. We are so close to each other.. Of course it is Lord who builds families.. So people might ask "how can you live with someone forever without living with them before and knowing them completely". Well, that is part of the married life.. Knowing each other better.. If dating and living together actually works, we would not have this much divorces :)
    Where is the Messiah likes this.
  11. hmm, this is a great question that i've asked myself many times. I think the point of no return is when your actions become lustful.
  12. Another way to put it is to remember that Jesus is ALWAYS with us. He is standing watching us all the time....when we are working, sleeping, eating, leisuring (made up word!) and sinning. It is a bit uncomfortable to think that He is watching us when we do something we shouldn't be doing - especially having sex outside of marriage.

    BTW = Ewwwwwww. I just refuse to put my arms around the image of my pastor or mother watching me have sex - married or not. It is just not right...not right because I believe there are some pastors who would love to watch someone having sex (these probably watch porn) and NO mother (or father) should watch their children have sex - married or not. Again - Ewwwwwwww.
  13. Is that like a mail order thing in India, or some website you go to and pick one out?

    I agree though, holding hands is good enough before marriage.
  14. No, arranged marriages happen very differently.. The main people involved in the whole ordeal are the parents.. Most of the marriages happen between families which are relatives or people from same town.. So first thing is, when a girl or boy reaches age or marriage the news will spread quickly.. Then people will start talking about matching girls or boys.. Then the parents will talk with each other.. Hindus would check horoscope also.. If everything works out, then the parents will first meet.. The boy or girl will get to see the picture.. Then the parents will meet along with their kids..The boy and girl gets chance to talk with each other.. Many families in cities allow the boy and girl to go out for some dates to see if things work out good.. There are also orthodox families which don't give any change for the boy or girl to even speak (like mine!). Then engagement happens.. And that's it.. Next step is marriage..

    There are also lot of marriage brokers.. Who search for alliances.. And that is their job.. They get paid very well.. Most of the parents resort to marriage brokers for finding bride or bridegroom.. There are also matrimonial websites..
  15. The OP:

    The Lord's word is clear on this:

    ...It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. (1 Cor. 7:1-2).

    Don't even touch beforehand. But if you must touch, first declare your union before God i. e. "get married."

    Commitment to the King before; blessings from the King after.
  16. I don't mean to be snarky, but if I was married, I wouldn't have sex (or more than kiss and hold hands) in front of my pastor or mom. ...maybe I don't see the connection. :sick:
  17. Intimacy belongs within marriage, period. Dating, the way the word does it, is evil---and it is not biblical. What many strong believers do now is courtship, where godly couples who have discovered that they wish to be more than friends, establish their intentions of working toward marriage before others, and live their lives openly, in the company of a larger group as a whole. when an engagement takes place, it is of short duration and as they have already established a pattern of godly behaviour with each other, they do break away from the group a bit more, as they make plans for their lives.

    I have witnessed this many times and my heart has been blessed by the wonderful results.
    Mitspa likes this.

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