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Oxymorons

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Euphemia, Mar 18, 2015.

  1. There are so many oxymorons around us that we have become enured to. Let's see if we can come up with some!

    I'll start with three:

    1. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

    2. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

    3. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
     
    Siloam likes this.
  2. Non-stop flight

    Jumbo shrimp

    George Carlin had a bunch of them.
     
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  3. LOL!
     
  4. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
     
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  5. There was the "Great Depression"
    A really funny joke may be called "awfully good"
    How probable is something that is a "definite maybe"?
     
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  6. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

    If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
     
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  7. That dog is pretty ugly.
    Government help.
    Lifetime guarantee.
     
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  8. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

    Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
     
  9. I just had a sandwich with "Domestic Swiss Cheese".
    I am in the US. I thought that here Domestic meant American.
    It sure wasn't what is called "American Cheese".
    (Actually, I don't know how they can call the American cheese stuff Cheese).
     
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  10. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

    Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
     
  11. There are many road signs that declare that the "RIGHT LANE ENDS".
    I would think that unless one had arrived at his destination that a lane that ends would be the WRONG lane.
     
    Euphemia likes this.
  12. Why is it called "after dark" when it is really "after light"?

    Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
     
  13. We park on a driveway, but drive on a park way...
    Then we have APARTments that are all together!
     
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  14. An oxymoron is a phrase consisting of two words conjoined, which are contradictory in meaning. Here are some funny ones:

    Act naturally

    Holy war

    Found missing

    Resident alien

    Minor catastrophe

    Affordable housing
     
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  15. How about "Noticeable Absence"
    I wish I had never heard of "Passive Aggressive"
    I have visited something called "Well Preserved Ruins"
    I have also seen adds for "Synthetic Natural Gas"
     
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  16. faith unfaithful kept him falsely true
     
  17. Here are a few more oxymorons:


    Near miss

    Great depression

    Canadian army

    Phone sex

    United nations

    Advanced BASIC

    Genuine imitation

    Death benefits

    Airline Food
     
  18. Hot water heater. It's not heating hot water, it's heating the cold water.
     
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  19. Lol@ Canadian army being an oxymoron....good one!
     
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  20. Military intelligence
    Efficient bureaucracy
    Working vacation
    Deafening silence
    Honest politician
     
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