Hello, for the privacy of others, I am not going to mention names or go into too much detail.
If you read my introductory post, you'll see that I have had DID aka "Dissociate Identity Disorder", commonly known as "Multiple Personality Disorder" for 8 years up until the end of 2013. It was quite the horrible ride and, to be honest, I'm not off of the roller-coaster yet. For the most part, however, I am greatly healed and very very thankful to my Lord and Savior for this blessing, a miracle!! However, it seems that as soon as life gets better, that's when the Devil swoops in and causes more havoc in your life and that is exactly what happened to me!
I learnt, while struggling with my DID, that my two blood sisters (both younger than me) didn't know how to handle my illness and therefore pulled away and because of all the drama associated with it, ignored and took me out of their lives with extremely mean words and actions. Granted, I had many episodes of deep anxiety and panic and did cause my parents (and my siblings, always by choice!) to be there at my side and was at the center of attention. HOWEVER, I didn't want this attention; I never asked for the abuse I got in my life that led to my DID. I wish I could have chosen no attention if that meant no abuse. My sisters complain(ed) about how it was all about me and how much drama I created. I was living in a mental nightmare of things that happened to me when I was younger and married, over and over again; of course I would react! DID involves "PTSD" aka Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and that is not easily handled and I was getting help; weekly therapy sessions for an hour! So yes, my sisters were right; it was about me for a while and I did create drama but I didn't always know or remember and regardless, I did apologize to them profusely! So yes, when my sisters started to ignore me and avoid me I fought for our relationship and they called my reaching out to them "drama". I was in trouble if I did something and in trouble if I didn't. I couldn't win by them. They said to me many times, "It's not you. It's just circumstance." but then they said really horrible things afterwards. The one said she doesn't want to be sisters anymore.
During this time, my husband, who I find is really led by God (a wonderful trait!) suggested strongly to me to leave them alone and just go on life as if nothing happened. Having finally found my true identity after battling DID I thought I was worth fighting for, them humbling themselves and saying sorry. They have also challenged my personality many times and I am not wanting to change for them as long as I am not offending God.
My husband eventually got so angry with them that he said to me that we should just tell them we are not having anything to do with them unless they choose to fix things or work past this. So I compiled an email and sent out that very message and in good form too. Well, it's heartbreaking to say that we never heard from them since and it's feeling like I am not worth fighting for to them. It's been hard in the fact that we all used to be close and we have all endured a lot of the same troubles in our lives and it's even harder seeing the one sister in our church every Sunday (someone told me she is being controlled by her husband and knowing him, I believe it to be true, but I also know a lot of this is her.) and her husband who can't stand anyone who has or has had a mental illness. She ignores me, a sister and a sister of the church and it feels horrible.
I pray about this. I pray about this all the time and if you ask me what do I want I will say, I simply want them to humble themselves and say sorry and work on fixing this. I am too angry to think about a relationship right now. I am getting help with my anger towards them and will continue to strive for it. However, I miss them, even in my anger, and I don't feel like I gave them a fair chance. This has now been going on for about half a year or a little more.
My Mom is involved because I needed advice and support from her. It's hard for her of course because she is emotionally involved with all three of us and loves us very much. All of her girls have depression and I know this plays a part in their behaviour but it's not an excuse because if someone with DID can learn to control it (not overnight of course), then they can as well. Anyways, my Mom is very unhappy with what has happened and she is very upset at the sisters (and the one sisters controlling husband) and so is my Dad but since the sisters didn't bring anything up, they are not talking to them about this until/if they do. However, the controlling* husband did call my Dad and said pretty much all I said today and then some and my Dad said I am up against someone very mean; I knew that already!
My Mom had mentioned to me, when I typed to her in tears again, that perhaps I need to turn the other cheek; admit defeat; go on with them as if nothing has happened and watch God work in their hearts. Do you know how hard this can be? I fought for my personality/identity and to say, "Here, abuse me some more but we'll be ok" will/is very hard. I pray I have the strength and humbleness to do so. God does ask this of us so I know I have to do this but I encourage more advice and help as this has been a very hard time for me. I want to do right by God as well as keeping with the identity He has blessed me with and has allowed me to see after conquering DID! I am known as an instant forgiver but that has hurt me very much in the past and I am hesitant to go back to my old ways; I am wearing my armor tight.
Another thing, I have been told by the sisters that I am very wishy-washy in decisions and yes, DID will alter decision making by a lot because of fears and other parts taking over. However, when I made this email I was healed and hadn't backtracked it since. If I were to contact them in regards to "turning the other cheek and moving on" how do I do so without sounding wishy-washy? Oooo I just hate this!
What do I do? HOW do I do? When do I do? Did I do wrong in my email?
Thanks in advance everyone!!
- GodismyRefuge
If you read my introductory post, you'll see that I have had DID aka "Dissociate Identity Disorder", commonly known as "Multiple Personality Disorder" for 8 years up until the end of 2013. It was quite the horrible ride and, to be honest, I'm not off of the roller-coaster yet. For the most part, however, I am greatly healed and very very thankful to my Lord and Savior for this blessing, a miracle!! However, it seems that as soon as life gets better, that's when the Devil swoops in and causes more havoc in your life and that is exactly what happened to me!
I learnt, while struggling with my DID, that my two blood sisters (both younger than me) didn't know how to handle my illness and therefore pulled away and because of all the drama associated with it, ignored and took me out of their lives with extremely mean words and actions. Granted, I had many episodes of deep anxiety and panic and did cause my parents (and my siblings, always by choice!) to be there at my side and was at the center of attention. HOWEVER, I didn't want this attention; I never asked for the abuse I got in my life that led to my DID. I wish I could have chosen no attention if that meant no abuse. My sisters complain(ed) about how it was all about me and how much drama I created. I was living in a mental nightmare of things that happened to me when I was younger and married, over and over again; of course I would react! DID involves "PTSD" aka Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and that is not easily handled and I was getting help; weekly therapy sessions for an hour! So yes, my sisters were right; it was about me for a while and I did create drama but I didn't always know or remember and regardless, I did apologize to them profusely! So yes, when my sisters started to ignore me and avoid me I fought for our relationship and they called my reaching out to them "drama". I was in trouble if I did something and in trouble if I didn't. I couldn't win by them. They said to me many times, "It's not you. It's just circumstance." but then they said really horrible things afterwards. The one said she doesn't want to be sisters anymore.
During this time, my husband, who I find is really led by God (a wonderful trait!) suggested strongly to me to leave them alone and just go on life as if nothing happened. Having finally found my true identity after battling DID I thought I was worth fighting for, them humbling themselves and saying sorry. They have also challenged my personality many times and I am not wanting to change for them as long as I am not offending God.
My husband eventually got so angry with them that he said to me that we should just tell them we are not having anything to do with them unless they choose to fix things or work past this. So I compiled an email and sent out that very message and in good form too. Well, it's heartbreaking to say that we never heard from them since and it's feeling like I am not worth fighting for to them. It's been hard in the fact that we all used to be close and we have all endured a lot of the same troubles in our lives and it's even harder seeing the one sister in our church every Sunday (someone told me she is being controlled by her husband and knowing him, I believe it to be true, but I also know a lot of this is her.) and her husband who can't stand anyone who has or has had a mental illness. She ignores me, a sister and a sister of the church and it feels horrible.
I pray about this. I pray about this all the time and if you ask me what do I want I will say, I simply want them to humble themselves and say sorry and work on fixing this. I am too angry to think about a relationship right now. I am getting help with my anger towards them and will continue to strive for it. However, I miss them, even in my anger, and I don't feel like I gave them a fair chance. This has now been going on for about half a year or a little more.
My Mom is involved because I needed advice and support from her. It's hard for her of course because she is emotionally involved with all three of us and loves us very much. All of her girls have depression and I know this plays a part in their behaviour but it's not an excuse because if someone with DID can learn to control it (not overnight of course), then they can as well. Anyways, my Mom is very unhappy with what has happened and she is very upset at the sisters (and the one sisters controlling husband) and so is my Dad but since the sisters didn't bring anything up, they are not talking to them about this until/if they do. However, the controlling* husband did call my Dad and said pretty much all I said today and then some and my Dad said I am up against someone very mean; I knew that already!
My Mom had mentioned to me, when I typed to her in tears again, that perhaps I need to turn the other cheek; admit defeat; go on with them as if nothing has happened and watch God work in their hearts. Do you know how hard this can be? I fought for my personality/identity and to say, "Here, abuse me some more but we'll be ok" will/is very hard. I pray I have the strength and humbleness to do so. God does ask this of us so I know I have to do this but I encourage more advice and help as this has been a very hard time for me. I want to do right by God as well as keeping with the identity He has blessed me with and has allowed me to see after conquering DID! I am known as an instant forgiver but that has hurt me very much in the past and I am hesitant to go back to my old ways; I am wearing my armor tight.
Another thing, I have been told by the sisters that I am very wishy-washy in decisions and yes, DID will alter decision making by a lot because of fears and other parts taking over. However, when I made this email I was healed and hadn't backtracked it since. If I were to contact them in regards to "turning the other cheek and moving on" how do I do so without sounding wishy-washy? Oooo I just hate this!
What do I do? HOW do I do? When do I do? Did I do wrong in my email?
Thanks in advance everyone!!
- GodismyRefuge