My Relationship With My Sisters Has Changed...:(

Discussion in 'Family and Parenting' started by GodismyRefuge, Mar 4, 2014.

  1. Hello, for the privacy of others, I am not going to mention names or go into too much detail.

    If you read my introductory post, you'll see that I have had DID aka "Dissociate Identity Disorder", commonly known as "Multiple Personality Disorder" for 8 years up until the end of 2013. It was quite the horrible ride and, to be honest, I'm not off of the roller-coaster yet. For the most part, however, I am greatly healed and very very thankful to my Lord and Savior for this blessing, a miracle!! However, it seems that as soon as life gets better, that's when the Devil swoops in and causes more havoc in your life and that is exactly what happened to me!

    I learnt, while struggling with my DID, that my two blood sisters (both younger than me) didn't know how to handle my illness and therefore pulled away and because of all the drama associated with it, ignored and took me out of their lives with extremely mean words and actions. Granted, I had many episodes of deep anxiety and panic and did cause my parents (and my siblings, always by choice!) to be there at my side and was at the center of attention. HOWEVER, I didn't want this attention; I never asked for the abuse I got in my life that led to my DID. I wish I could have chosen no attention if that meant no abuse. My sisters complain(ed) about how it was all about me and how much drama I created. I was living in a mental nightmare of things that happened to me when I was younger and married, over and over again; of course I would react! DID involves "PTSD" aka Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and that is not easily handled and I was getting help; weekly therapy sessions for an hour! So yes, my sisters were right; it was about me for a while and I did create drama but I didn't always know or remember and regardless, I did apologize to them profusely! So yes, when my sisters started to ignore me and avoid me I fought for our relationship and they called my reaching out to them "drama". I was in trouble if I did something and in trouble if I didn't. I couldn't win by them. They said to me many times, "It's not you. It's just circumstance." but then they said really horrible things afterwards. The one said she doesn't want to be sisters anymore.

    During this time, my husband, who I find is really led by God (a wonderful trait!) suggested strongly to me to leave them alone and just go on life as if nothing happened. Having finally found my true identity after battling DID I thought I was worth fighting for, them humbling themselves and saying sorry. They have also challenged my personality many times and I am not wanting to change for them as long as I am not offending God.

    My husband eventually got so angry with them that he said to me that we should just tell them we are not having anything to do with them unless they choose to fix things or work past this. So I compiled an email and sent out that very message and in good form too. Well, it's heartbreaking to say that we never heard from them since and it's feeling like I am not worth fighting for to them. It's been hard in the fact that we all used to be close and we have all endured a lot of the same troubles in our lives and it's even harder seeing the one sister in our church every Sunday (someone told me she is being controlled by her husband and knowing him, I believe it to be true, but I also know a lot of this is her.) and her husband who can't stand anyone who has or has had a mental illness. She ignores me, a sister and a sister of the church and it feels horrible.

    I pray about this. I pray about this all the time and if you ask me what do I want I will say, I simply want them to humble themselves and say sorry and work on fixing this. I am too angry to think about a relationship right now. I am getting help with my anger towards them and will continue to strive for it. However, I miss them, even in my anger, and I don't feel like I gave them a fair chance. This has now been going on for about half a year or a little more.

    My Mom is involved because I needed advice and support from her. It's hard for her of course because she is emotionally involved with all three of us and loves us very much. All of her girls have depression and I know this plays a part in their behaviour but it's not an excuse because if someone with DID can learn to control it (not overnight of course), then they can as well. Anyways, my Mom is very unhappy with what has happened and she is very upset at the sisters (and the one sisters controlling husband) and so is my Dad but since the sisters didn't bring anything up, they are not talking to them about this until/if they do. However, the controlling* husband did call my Dad and said pretty much all I said today and then some and my Dad said I am up against someone very mean; I knew that already!

    My Mom had mentioned to me, when I typed to her in tears again, that perhaps I need to turn the other cheek; admit defeat; go on with them as if nothing has happened and watch God work in their hearts. Do you know how hard this can be? I fought for my personality/identity and to say, "Here, abuse me some more but we'll be ok" will/is very hard. I pray I have the strength and humbleness to do so. God does ask this of us so I know I have to do this but I encourage more advice and help as this has been a very hard time for me. I want to do right by God as well as keeping with the identity He has blessed me with and has allowed me to see after conquering DID! I am known as an instant forgiver but that has hurt me very much in the past and I am hesitant to go back to my old ways; I am wearing my armor tight.

    Another thing, I have been told by the sisters that I am very wishy-washy in decisions and yes, DID will alter decision making by a lot because of fears and other parts taking over. However, when I made this email I was healed and hadn't backtracked it since. If I were to contact them in regards to "turning the other cheek and moving on" how do I do so without sounding wishy-washy? Oooo I just hate this!

    What do I do? HOW do I do? When do I do? Did I do wrong in my email?

    Thanks in advance everyone!!

    - GodismyRefuge
  2. What a miracle that God is healing you of your mental illness; I'm so sorry about the abuse you had to endure and the pain that accompanies trauma. It is common for family members of people with mental illness to view them as attention-seeking or sel-centered. Th reality is that we cannot change people but we can ask God to soften their hearts and more importantly, ours, so that we can forgive. As you stayed, Gods word tells us we must forgive.

    Having said all of that, I think you did the right thing and that you should allow your husband to lead you in this. I know how painful being estranged from family can be, but I think it's time for you to rejoice and allow God to do awesome things in your life. God bless you sister.

    And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Philippians 4:8
  3. Hello GodismyRefuge.

    12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places (Ephesians 6:12).

    Your struggle is not with you, it is not with your sisters, it is not with your past husband, it is not with your mom. You have been struggling with voices in your head that cause you to look away from the beauty found in God. It is like Eve in the garden. She had everything. God loved her and walked with her. She had a husband who loved her. She had a beautiful home. She had safety, beauty, and peace everywhere she was. She had full command over evil, etc. etc. etc.

    Nevertheless, the only thing she didn't have, evil was what she focused on. You see what that caused, destruction, separation, sorrow, etc. You are loved by God, you too are loved by a wonderful husband who believes God, you have a new life, and as a child of God you have full command over evil.

    Your live will only change when you take command over the evil thoughts. Are depressing thoughts helping you or anyone around you. All negative thoughts should be completely ignored. Negative thoughts are not from God and the only way to be free is to submit your thoughts to God.

    Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things (Philippians 4:8)

    This bible verse tells us what to think about. In Christ your life is not about the world anymore, it is about letting God live through your life with His mind.

    "we have the mind of Christ" (1 Corinthinans 2:16).

    As a believer you are to think from God's mind, not your own. Is God downcast, angry, depressed. No, his mind is filled with the fruit of the Spirit.

    22 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control" (Galatians 5:22-23).

    As long as you try to figure out the situation and what to do, control the situation, fix the situation, you will remain stuck in the same place for you will be doing from you rather than from God working through you.

    To free yourself from the inner torture is easy.

    Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you (1 Peter 5:7).

    You will never be at peace and know what to do until you are willing to give up all the past negativity that has occurred in your life. When you are willing to give everything up to God, thoughts, emotions, and behavior, you will take the negative blocks down that are causing you to not hear God's voice. Believing negativity is like putting a wall between you and God. God is already answering your questions. However negativity is like putting up a wall between you and God and plugging your ears at the same time because you are listening to and focusing on the negativity so you don't hear God.

    If you give up everything to God, you will get a peace and love from him that makes things of this world appear small in comparison. You will have forgiveness because you will have God's understanding filling your life and you will love like God does. By being in God and praying for his intervention (waiting patiently for guidance if he doesn't immediately give it to you) you will be taught how to handle things from God who knows your sister's hearts and knows what should be done.

    Even if your sister's never end up changing, how is holding onto the negativity helping you or your husband? How is it enriching the lives of you and others? As a new creation in Christ, your life is no longer about you, but about God's will through you. In this is where there is true freedom and all the fruit. With you trying to control things, you will do so from the sin nature in you. When you let God control things, he does so from love and beauty and that beauty and love will fill you.

    Fill your mind with affirmations about God. Walk around your house saying them out loud. Say them out loud while your driving. Confess them in your mind while standing in line somewhere. You are more powerful than negative thoughts, they are not more powerful than you.

    Some possible affirmations:

    I only think loving, pure, and holy thoughts.

    God's love lives in me and works through me.

    I always believe God and he is love.

    I always believe that I have peace, harmony with others, and love.

    God's love fills my heart, mind, soul, and strength.

    Everywhere I go I see and experience blessings.

    God continually blesses me and I am filled with praise for him.

    I set all my thoughts on God's ways.

    My understanding comes from God.

    I am free because I always forgive and I always trust God with this.

    Etc. Etc. Etc. (You write them, put them on slips of paper and read them, tape them over every wall in your house (reading them and believing them, or do what works for you with them, But Use Them. The truth is God is love and your life is now the life he lives through you.

    Blessings and peace fill your heart and mind,
  4. Also, for every negative thought think of 10 things you are blessed with. God, your salvation, your husband...(There are 10 for sure. What are they?). Speak these blessings out loud. Believe them. Also, pray that God gives you great understanding about your sisters. I will pray for you too.
    AllieWi likes this.
  5. Also, remember you haven't lost all your sisters. Me and Allie are here with you, plus many others and we love you!
  6. I hear a lot of Me, me, me and How I feel in this.

  7. Hello and thank you very much for your kind post/reply, Allie! Thanks for your encouragement! It truly is a miracle! Thanks for your empathy but also thank you for the advice and text you added! I am comforted to know that this is common. I have taken a while to reply because I wanted to try a week or more without talking about or thinking about my sisters and it has helped. Granted, not being perfect, I slipped a few times but I am less emotional from it. Your post helped me a lot.

    AllieWi likes this.

  8. Hello Olivia and thank you so very much for your very thought-invoking and prayer-seeking reply! I have read it a few times and will continue to do so as it was very comforting and straight to the point. I do see that I feel a need to control certain things in my life but I am learning that God is the only controller. I hope I didn't come off sounding like I don't feel blessed because I DO feel blessed; tremendously blessed!! I am just really going through a hard time and it feels an awful lot like grieving. I'm still healing in other areas and one of them is my anger towards God. I know I should not be angry with Him but apparently it's common to experience this after having gone through the trauma I have gone through but, knowing I should NOT be angry, I am getting this helped in my therapy and am more than willing to direct the anger where it belongs.

    Thanks for understanding and empathizing with me and for the many beautiful, healing texts you provided! You have really helped me!!

  9. Hi Michael, while you're not wrong in this, I'm not going to lie, that wasn't easy to hear. It's perhaps the way you addressed it. I am not a selfish person by heart, rather I am told I am quite the opposite and having gone through a battle to find my personality and identity in DID (it forces you to do that), I find it a struggle to let go and let God, even though I KNOW it's the right thing to do. Please bear with me in my healing.


  10. Heather, it's not about right or wrong. You don't let go and let God either. It appears you need lots of time in the Word and built up on scriptures.

    You cast the care over to God, then you stand and renew your mind with the Word. You don't have to let go of loved ones, you don't have to stop expecting God to fix relationships you messed up. WE EXPECT FROM GOD, NOT THE PERSON.

    You need to stop blaming any mental illnesses. Start saying what the Word says.

    1Co 2:16 For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ.
    2Ti 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

    We never half to admit defeat, but be strong in the Lord and the power of his might.

    It's just like the devil to come in and show you all the things still wrong despite what God has already done for us. I went though the same thoughts getting out of prison, I wanted those burned bridges built back because I was "BETTER"

    Your Sisters don't need to humble themselves, YOU, need to fix all bitterness in you to where all this is not bothering you anymore.

    Heb 12:15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;

    Read the scripture, you allow bitterness, resentment, entitlement, anger in your heart with someone, you Stop the Grace of God in your own life.

    The Grace of God is favor with others, things work out, things get fixed. You should be more focused on this and not other people, even your sisters. The Power and Grace of God will fix the rest.

    Faith and Patience, inherit the Promises.

    Now when thoughts come up, say. "I will keep the Grace of God, I will not allow thoughts of bitterness, I will be a blessing and expect nothing but from my Father in Heaven. I have a sound mind, I have the mind of Christ. I owe nobody but to love them, and be a blessing to them. My God will see to it that everything that concerns me, He will make perfect (Psalm 138:8) I will be focused on His Word, and say what He said in His Word only. The Victory is mine, in Jesus name, my Lord and High priest. "

    You can't fight thoughts with thoughts, you must speak. I am not being harsh, but I would rather you get well sooner, and not years later of holding on to things you should not be. The devil is a killer, shut him out.

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