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I Require assistance.

Discussion in 'Biblical Advices' started by Born2LoveYou, Apr 24, 2007.

  1. I Require assistance.

    Hi all.
    I have a problem in my life, well 2, they are kind of connected. And i require some help and your views.

    I am very shy, have alot of fears, worry have no confidence, let me explain.
    Right from the start of my school age i was bullied, as the years went on, i got bullied more and more as i went through growing up through the schools. I was never strong enough to do anything about it, and i dont mean physically, i mean on the inside. And so just had to put up with it. As it started at such a young age, i never could build up confidence. I knew whatever i said, i would get beaten or shouted it by the bullies. As i got older, it became more of physical bully, but still verbally. Bullying for me became part of my life, or the way of life for me, i was never strong enough to stop it.
    Try to picture this, its how i feel.
    Imagine a ladder of confidence, obviously the higher you are up the ladder, the more confident you are, i feel like i have been pushed off the ladder, and i just cannot climb back on and up.

    As a result of this, i am probably the quietest, most unconfident but nicest person you could know.

    When i do talk, ii tallk very quietly, and most the time i have to repeat it to whom im talking to. Sometimes, when i have to say it again and again pressure really starts to build in me, then i start getting things mixed up, eg saying the wrong words, struggle saying words, not able to say what i want to say and in the end i just give up.

    When i talk to someone over the internet, weather it be a freind or someone i dont know, i can have a long conversation with them and a great laugh. If you put me with that person, you will be very lucky to get anything out of me.
    Loads of people have tried to get me to talk, but they give up because i just can't do it.

    The reason this has all been stirred up in my life is because recently me and my girlfreind split up, mainly because of this problem of mine. I couldn't talk to her in person much at all. I could talk and have a laugh with her over MSN or texting, get me with her and theres no chance of it.
    And because of this it upset her alot.

    Which leads me on to the 2nd problem.

    I recently broke up with my girlfreind due to the above. ^^
    We are both Christians and serve in our church.
    But, i still love her.
    And as the song goes, "I don't know why i Love you, But i do".
    I Love her, and i don't know why.
    Before we got together, i Loved her, it wasnt a silly crush you get when your young, or it wasnt lust, It really was Love.
    Before we got together, we were waiting on eachother, and God. We both prayed alot about this beforehand.
    And then we got together, and everything just felf right, I knew she was the one for me.

    The day before we got togehter, or I even knew something like this was going to happen, I took her out to an Indian restuarant, And i have no idea why that happened, because that isnt me and its not what i do.
    And the day after i said some nice things to her on text when she was at work, and again, that wasnt me, its just not what i do.
    And then we decided to get together.
    And we knew that the relationship was "To be" it was the big one (If you get me). And even now for the time being we are over i still think that.
    And i dont know if this is sinful or wrong, but we spoke about getting married alot, we wanted it, of course in time, but its what we wanted.
    But i strongly believe that God got us together.

    But due to my problem, it wasnt working properly. She has a personal issue too that she needs to take care of, and maybe I have another chance, but i dont know. Even after a week of us splitting up, Im still in Love with her and i don't know why and i still want her, i believe she is the one that God has givin to me.

    Im sorry for my lengthy post, i Hope that you can understand what im saying.

    I look forward to your replies :)

    God Bless.
  2. Brother your condition isn't at all uncommon- I a so intravert that if I let myself I would take on many charecteristics of a hermit- But that isn't God's will for either of our lives. I have raised my sons on the following principles when dealing with people:
    1. Stand up straight and tall and look whoever you are talking to in the eye- body language says alot about who you are
    2. Smile- make a concious effort to smile when greeting and talking to people- just like the old song said- smile and the whole world smiles with you cry and you cry alone- IF YOU HAVE TROUBLE DOING THIS SPEND TEN MINUTES A DAY SMILING AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR- I am not kidding you will start to smile naturally all the time!
    3. Expect the person(s) you are talking to to like you- after all you are a nice person with alot of good things to say- if you aproach a person with this attitude in your mind you wil be more at ease- this will put the other person at ease and the conversation will flow
    4. The biggest factor in most conversations is learning to be a good listener- ask the person about themselves, their interests etc and before you know it you will both be at ease and having a good time getting to know each other

    These are things that if practiced can and will help your situation- it is also important to remember that most people are very insecure but many of them are really good at hiding it- just like you they want to be liked, loved and accepted- this is thae way God made us

    You are in my prayers brother- In His Name Larry
  3. Larry hit it on the head (he has a habit of doing that!):

    Honestly, I'm the exact opposite of your personality type. There are some advantages, but I'm a terrible listener (ask my wife), and have to really try hard to be sensitive. I can be at times, but I've cause hurt in many people without even knowing it until months later. I say these things so that you realize your personality type is very much appreciated and admired by those of us on the other side. You have nothing to be ashamed of, and in fact, can be an absolutely essential tool for God. Imagine the ministry you could provide to others in your situation, even just over an internet forum or something similar.

    In terms of confidence, my advice to everyone is to embrace yourself 100%. Confidence has nothing to do with your personality type, it comes from being comfortable in your own skin. Many times, outgoing people are terribly "unconfident" because they're forcing themselves to be something agains the nature God gave them. You're quiet and sensitive...great! Be happy with it! Why would you want to be anything else if God didn't make you that way? You'd be living a different life than the one God intended for you. However, Larry does make good points about looking others in the eye, etc...that's essential for everyone.

    As far as your girlfriend, man, I wish I had better advice for you. A week is just long enough for the hurt to really sink in and not long enough to see the light at the other end of the tunnel....it's probably the toughest phase of a breakup. All you can do is rely on Him and know that this is for a reason, maybe to make your relationship with her stronger in the future, or maybe to help you learn from mistakes with another one later on. I don't know, you don't know, she doesn't know....but God does. It's easy for me to say since I'm not in your shoes right now, but His plan is sovereign and complete...He knows what He's doing.

    Good luck man, let us know if we can help any way.
  4. Thank you for your replys.

    "You're quiet and sensitive...great! Be happy with it! Why would you want to be anything else if God didn't make you that way? "

    I can talk to anyone for ages over the net or text for ages, i have no problems. And if im with someone i can't do it.
    I get scared sometimes too and its hard.
    One person i can talk to for hours though and have a laugh with is my Ex's dad, sometimes i still feel uncomfortable when we talk, but when everyones gone to bed and were still sat up, theres no stoppin us talking, hehe. But, funny thing is, iv'e know the whole family for 5 - 6 maybe more years and still its hard. (but we have gone back to freinds, which is a plus)
    I worry about what other people are thinking about me, Its just something that i've lived with through my school life that has really made me like this, I just want to Break free of this, and be able to openly have a laugh and a good conversation with people.

    Thank you and God bless.
  5. Brother it is time to do three things-
    1. began to change the way you feel about yourself- the list I posted earlier will help

    2. Start to desensitize yourself to these feelings by thrusting yourself into as many public situations as possible-

    3. Walk by faith trusting God to help you thru this time of change
    but remember you must take the first steps
  6. Godmademefunky,

    Mat 5:5Blessed are the meekk:for they shall in herit the earth.

    Mat 11:29Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

    1Pe 3:4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

    May I suggest that you get past that which has made you the way you are and count it as a blessing?

    Being an extrovert has many problems as does changing ones personality to accomidate the world.

    And certianly you can see that you are not alone. Even the Apostle Paul acknowledged a differance in communicating by letter and speaking in the presence of others.

    That is not uncommon for all of us to be bolder in writing than speach.

    If your love was intended to be it will be. If not it is because God has something better for you down the road a peice.

    Sincerely His
  7. Godmademefunky- I still believe God amde you right but as humans we tend to develope different ways of dealing with situations - some of them work badly but become part of our normal response patterns or habits- scientifically this is call mal-adapitive thinking,mal meaning bad or wrong by definition- it can be corrected by retraining the way one thinks and responds- the bible commands us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds-I recomend doing a study on this from a christian perspective- check your chritain bookstore and/or do a google search on this topic:
    [FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Belief Therapy ®[/FONT]
    [FONT=Arial,Helvetica]As A Christian Therapeutic Treatment Modality[/FONT]
  8. Thanks again for your replies.

    I think i understand the 3rd verse, but ifpossibe, could you explain what all the verses mean to me ?

    Thank you & Godbless.
  9. While you may need to adjust to being as you are to be more comforable, being meek and mild mannered is by no means a bad thing in the eyes of God.

    Col 3:12 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;

    Tit 3:2 To speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers, but gentle, showing all meekness unto all men.

    1Ti 6:11 But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness.

    Mat 5:5Blessed are the meekk:for they shall in herit the earth.

    Mat 11:29Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

    1Pe 3:4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

    Scripture has a good deal to say about being meek and humble ,a mild mannered person such as you are. And all of it is good, brother.
    Jam 1:21 Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls.

    I was much like you in my teen years (the reason is not important). In my twenties I delibertly changed. I become more aggresive and more popular and more reckless. My changed life led me into all sorts of things that were bad for me. It cost me much and could have (if not for God's mercy) cost me my salvation. While my salvation is secured by Jesus' work on the cross I still have to live with the regrets that my more worldly life brought upon me.
    Adjust to it, become comfortable with it, be content in it as in all circumstances, but don't be too quick to change it. For the alteritives can be much worse for you.

    These verses hopefuly will help you to understand that you are blessed and could be much worse off than being meek.

    Sincerely his
    and yours

  10. Hey man I know exactly what it's like to be shy, and to no know what to say when talking to people in person. A lot of the times when I feel unconfortable I accidently jumble up my words or say the opposite of what I mean, because I get so nervous and unconfortable.What helps me get through it is praying and putting my complete trust in God. Before going to school, youth, or any where else that I'm going to have to be social, I pray asking God to give me the courage I need to talk to others and to have a good time. After praying I feel much more confident in myself, and in God, and I become more comfortable around people. I still get shy quite often but it's not half as bad then it was.

    I hope this helps, and I will be praying for you.

    God Bless
  11. I feel as though my life is in a hole, i dont know what the outside world is like.

    Because of my past bullying was the way of life and that was that, never could learn about life out in the big world, im nearly 18 and dont do anything. I don't know anything about it either.
    But sometimes i feel im on the edge of break through.

    I've always had people have to do everything for me, starting at school, sometimes when i got bullied someone (sometimes) would stick up for me, Then at home get my parents to do everything for me, for example booking driving lessons, getting the best insurance and sorting it, sortin the tax mot and all of that, i had to get my parents to get forms in for me for example EMA application for college i had to get my parents to, if i was ill i got my parents to sort the doctor out for me, everything i needed i had to get my parents to do... because of the way i am.
  12. You know, funky, I think you're exactly right. The fact that you're seeking help and trying to reach out shows very clearly that you are about to break through. Many people coast through life and don't realize it until it's far too late, millions would be thrilled to have your understanding at the age of 18.

    The question is, now that you know, what will you do about it? Will you continue to fall back on others, or rely on God to help you become the man He wants you to be? He gives us free will to decide, but His Holy Spirit will help if you ask Him....we'll keep praying for you.
  13. Amen Bassmassa- in our own strength we can do nothing but we can do all things thru Christ who strenghtens us!
  14. Hello funky, it's hard to change the way we are but God can do EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. Pray for God to continuously work in your life.

    May I suggest that you start with small things like taking care of your school forms (instead of letting your parents do it for you) or engaging in a new hobby/ group activity.

    God has a reason for everything. Even if you think you're such a shy person (as most of us are), God can still use you for His glory if You'll let Him. God bless :)
  15. Amen Isjij- every journey starts with a single step-
  16. Thanks for all your replys.
    I have been praying alot about my problems, maybe not enough, but im really struggling to break free of my past.
    I am part of the worship team at my church and im the only one that cannot pray in tounges. Everyone prayed for me last night for god to break into my life and help me break free and unlock the gift of tounges.
    No one knows about my pasts, and hopefully i will talk to someone within the church on sunday. My past is really holding me back and i don't know the real me.

    Thank you for your support and prayer.

    God bless.
  17. You will be fine- forgive yourself and move on- it is much easier to receive when you are not stressing and/or condeming yourself- may His blessings be upon you- Larry
  18. How do i forgive myself and move on, im finding it really hard to let go of my past.
    And how do you open up your heart to god, sometimes i feel im not opening it up enough or doing it wrong ?

    Thank you and God bless.
  19. It starts with taking your focus of yourself and putting your focus on that new creation man Gid is forming inside you!
  20. Greetings brothers & sisters!

    Things are starting to change slowly, around the home i starting to talk a bit more, stronger, deeper and louder. My next challenge will be to take this from the home to the "outside" eg, at work, college, round a mates house ect.

    I started doing somethings on my own, eg change my own quilt covers (lol), go to the bank and see someone about my account, pay cash in, and even done something way out of my comfort zone which was to wear a vest to work, the first time i've ever worn a vest out.

    But i have a big problem with my speach, not being able to say words, or get mixed up. But i guess with lots of prayer and practise i will be able to overcome this problem too.

    Even though im like 6'4" tall, and quite muscly, im a bit "chubby", and now i've just forgotten what i look like when im out, just focus on what im doing and not myself and what anybody else thinks.

    And as im now officially an adult, im going to pray and push so hard to get my life up together, become more lively, have a laugh ect.
    People won't know me, when i become the real me and not the person the world has made me be.

    Woo Hoo !

    God bless you all.

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