How To Overcome Darkness Without Losing Your Sanity?

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Karson, Jan 6, 2013.

  1. Hi Everyone

    This is kind of a prayer request/ get your thoughts thread. Right now, I covet your prayers as I am not feeling very strong. To make a long story short, here is what is going on.

    I am on SSDI for Bipolar (I have been on the disability since 2009) and the current situation, is that I am in the process of going through a Continuing Disability Review. They sent me to a psychologist, and I am not sure where everything is going. Here is the deal, I WANT to work, even a part time job would make more than my check. I want to work and it is becoming very difficult because I do not have transportation. I live in the middle of nowhere, and the limited transportation we do have here, only runs Mon-Fri 9 - 6. It won't work for jobs that want evenings or weekends- which is going to be most jobs that I am qualified for. So not knowing what the future holds, and trying to continually lean on his promise that he will meet our needs (I know he will because he promises in HIS WORD that he will), I am standing on that. I do however still need your prayers, I feel myself slowly sinking toward a great depression again, and I just don't need that right now. I am getting back into reading the Word of God (though not as much as I should) and I realistically know that I will not be perfect in it, and I can accept this.

    I sometimes lose focus of my identity in Christ, and forget that I am his child- and nothing can pluck me from his hands.... This is absolute truth, because we know The Bible is absolute truth- and we know that all things do work together for the good of those who Love him. But my question for everyone is, what works for you? When you hit those moments where you are just not sure where to turn, what do you do? I realize online may not be the best place for this, but I know that the depth of this- I am not comfortable sharing with many people in person. I appreciate any input- and definitely appreciate prayers.

  2. Karson........I know exactly what you are going through.

    We care for my mother and she is bipolar as well and has been for 30 years.

    IT is very, very important that you assign someone close to you to misister your meds to you.
    You must always take your medication and someone other that you must be responsible for them!!!!

    We have several people in our church that are as you are and my wife's best friend's husband is as well.

    I will add you to my prayer list and hope that you will be stable and reading the WOrd is definitally a good thing to do.

    Bless you my brother and may I say to you that IF you can identify your illness as you have.....then you are on the right track!!!!

  3. That's just it on the meds though, I don't need them because I truly feel I have been delivered.. I have flare ups occasionally, but I don't think it is severe enough for medication.
  4. I have bipolar disorder, as well. I've been on heavy meds for years.
  5. Karson, Major said :"IT is very, very important that you assign someone close to you to misister your meds to you.
    You must always take your medication and someone other that you must be responsible for them!!!!"

    You need to take that advice very seriously. Your medication is to control you condition, not to cure it. The real danger lies in the fact that when something is being controlled effectively, it seems to disappear as an issue in our lives, so "why keep up the meds?" Knowing academically that there is no cure, should help to overcome the feeling of being permanently cured, but it doesn't, hence the need to heed major's advice. You say "That's just it on the meds though, I don't need them because I truly feel I have been delivered.. I have flare ups occasionally, but I don't think it is severe enough for medication." You are there, we are not, but you need to take the advice of your health care professionals.

    How is your study going? Will that lead to full time employment for you?
  6. The meds are up for debate at the moment. I weaned off with a doctors approval.

    As far as school goes, I plan on getting a Master's Degree as Physician Assistant..... D's aren't going to cut it, which is what I got in my core science classes this past semester..... But my goal is long term, but perhaps a short term would be better? Such as... Get B's this semster, or even better A's.
  7. Sorry to hear Karson.

    I look up at the sky and speak to God. I talk to Him like I would someone next to me. I talk to Him until I get an answer / solution / explanation in my head.

    Praying for you!
  8. Karson...God will always lead you in the right direction but sometimes it's not what we want but it is always exactly what we need for the next step in God's plan for our life. God sees the big picture, we see with tunnel vision. Be patient and always be thankful for what you have at the moment...I'm praying that God will reveal to you on a deeper level.
  9. @Karson

    In my own life I have kept the Darkness at bay by resisting the urge to stare into it. Stare into the Darkness, and the Darkness stares into you. I have battled depression all my adult life and I know a thing or two about Darkness.
  10. My heart reaches out to you. I can empathize with your situation. I've been on workers comp. for the past year, and have developed other more serious complications, sense my surgery. I know your plate is full, so I won't go into detail.

    At any rate, I feel God has made a way for me to avoid dwelling on my problems. I've enrolled in college classes. This is not a cure all, I still struggle with depression. I miss my family, and want to work. But the college classes do preoccupy my mind, and the good grades are encouraging. All the college professors are especially encouraging. It's a novelty for them to have a student as old or older than they.

    Still, sometimes I get so depressed, and the pain is such that I just wont to die. I even pray for God to take me.

    I don't know what educational resources are available to you. But, staying busy seems to help me.
    If "Idle hands are the devils playground" I think it's important, we keep our minds occupied between prayers and meditation.

    May God bless you in every way.
    Theo Fane likes this.
  11. NO...NO...NO..........Karson, you are doing exactly what you should not do my friend. If you have been diagnosed
    as bi-polar, and you have because you take medication.........YOU MUST BE FAITHFUL TO STAY ON THOSE MEDS!

    The classic bi-polar person says what you just said, then when they are off the meds they crash and fall.
    The meds are to keep you on a LEVEL playing ground and they are only effective my maintaining them.

    Clinical Bi-polar is not something to be delivered from my brother. It is something to be lived with and controlled.

    Please listen to what I am telling you. ASK any doctor....go on line and goggel bi-polar and see what I am saying to you.
  12. But it is with a doctors authorization I weaned myself off. However; I probably do need to get back on them. I have had more flare ups then I can handle the past few weeks, so I will make a Doctor Appointment. Thanks
  13. Pleaase DO IT!

    Forget about the stigma of being bi-polar and tell the doctor the truth. "Flare ups" are nothing more than your body trying to warn you..
  14. Thank you! And He has. ;)

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