I have mentioned this before, but I am going to mention it again in case there is any confusion. I have five children from a previous non-marital relationship that ended. It was a ten year relationship in which we both considered marriage nothing more than a piece of paper. She ended the relationship when she wanted to be with another man and no longer with me. She is still with this other man as her live in boyfriend with no plans to marry as he has been married twice before and no longer believes in marriage. I moved 1200 miles away to live with my parents as I had no where else to go.
My oldest daughter who is thirteen has recently started saying that she is going to move in with me when a problem arises between her and her mom or her mom's boyfriend (I will just call him their step-father to make it easier). She is also having issues with kids in school that are apparently of her own making.
According to my ex-girlfriend whom I talked with yesterday, my daughter harasses her friends to the point that they no longer want to be friends with her. She will bug them non-stop and when they ask her to leave them alone, she will, but then starts up again two hours later. I have witnessed this myself on Facebook, so I can confirm this behavior. She also apparently only wears the same two pairs of jeans and the same shirts throughout the school week. What are kids going to do when they see someone wearing the same pants and shirt over again? They are going to pick on that someone and that is also what is happening. She will not wear any of the other clothes that her mom has bought her, of which she has plenty because it's not what the other kids are wearing.
I talked with my daughter yesterday too. She begged to come live with me. I had to tell her that she cannot live with me (which was hard to do) because we do not have the room, nor can we afford to have her here. If she was to come here, that would mean I would have to find employment and I cannot do that as I am needed at home, especially when the baby comes in February. My mother-in-law who lives with us and has her own psychological issues, cannot handle both our daughter who will be two when the baby comes and a newborn. Because of my wife's illness, she is physically incapable of caring for either one for any length of time. I have tried to explain this to my daughter, but she doesn't understand. I and my ex-girlfriend have tried to tell her that her life will be no different down here and may actually be worse as we're a very poor family. We are far under the poverty level for the region. We are making it, but there are some sacrifices involved. Sacrifices that she she hasn't had to make. She does not care about those things and the only running thought is she wants to live with me. Her mom and I cannot afford for her to go back and forth.
She also has told my ex-girlfriend's boyfriend that she wishes that her mother and I would get back together so that he would leave. Which of course causes further friction with him when you add in that she is constantly yelling at him over everything that he tells her to do.
He is a good man and he does love my kids. Just yesterday he was working at a concession stand earning points for my older daughter when he didn't need to do so. I have tried explaining that to my daughter as well, but all she keeps saying is that she wants her mom and I to get back together. I have tried telling her that it will not happen as I have a second family now, not that they are second fiddle, but that I cannot just up and leave the family that I am with now. Her mom doesn't want to break-up what she has either.
I just do not know what to do. I am trying to be there for her, but when she says things like I don't care about her, or love her, it hurts me to hear those things because it is not true.
Any advice?
My oldest daughter who is thirteen has recently started saying that she is going to move in with me when a problem arises between her and her mom or her mom's boyfriend (I will just call him their step-father to make it easier). She is also having issues with kids in school that are apparently of her own making.
According to my ex-girlfriend whom I talked with yesterday, my daughter harasses her friends to the point that they no longer want to be friends with her. She will bug them non-stop and when they ask her to leave them alone, she will, but then starts up again two hours later. I have witnessed this myself on Facebook, so I can confirm this behavior. She also apparently only wears the same two pairs of jeans and the same shirts throughout the school week. What are kids going to do when they see someone wearing the same pants and shirt over again? They are going to pick on that someone and that is also what is happening. She will not wear any of the other clothes that her mom has bought her, of which she has plenty because it's not what the other kids are wearing.
I talked with my daughter yesterday too. She begged to come live with me. I had to tell her that she cannot live with me (which was hard to do) because we do not have the room, nor can we afford to have her here. If she was to come here, that would mean I would have to find employment and I cannot do that as I am needed at home, especially when the baby comes in February. My mother-in-law who lives with us and has her own psychological issues, cannot handle both our daughter who will be two when the baby comes and a newborn. Because of my wife's illness, she is physically incapable of caring for either one for any length of time. I have tried to explain this to my daughter, but she doesn't understand. I and my ex-girlfriend have tried to tell her that her life will be no different down here and may actually be worse as we're a very poor family. We are far under the poverty level for the region. We are making it, but there are some sacrifices involved. Sacrifices that she she hasn't had to make. She does not care about those things and the only running thought is she wants to live with me. Her mom and I cannot afford for her to go back and forth.
She also has told my ex-girlfriend's boyfriend that she wishes that her mother and I would get back together so that he would leave. Which of course causes further friction with him when you add in that she is constantly yelling at him over everything that he tells her to do.
He is a good man and he does love my kids. Just yesterday he was working at a concession stand earning points for my older daughter when he didn't need to do so. I have tried explaining that to my daughter as well, but all she keeps saying is that she wants her mom and I to get back together. I have tried telling her that it will not happen as I have a second family now, not that they are second fiddle, but that I cannot just up and leave the family that I am with now. Her mom doesn't want to break-up what she has either.
I just do not know what to do. I am trying to be there for her, but when she says things like I don't care about her, or love her, it hurts me to hear those things because it is not true.
Any advice?