I know there are probably people who will read my comments with disbelief, but I felt compelled to write this down to you, Littleone, even if you do or do not see what I am about to write.
A lot of people seem to forget marriage is not just a physical aspect of a relationship. A marriage is both a spiritual and physical expression of a couple's union; but however, it seems people think that marriage only occurs when you put a ring on each others' fingers (or whatever) and sign the marriage license. Like my grandmother told me, marriage not only occurs at a ceremony, but when you make love - you literally become 'one' with the person you are with
(is that too explicit for everyone's eyes?)
I'm tired of not having a male companion.
Here's where I think the problem therein lies. Do you what a companion, or do you want someone
to love and who loves you back? I'm not trying to beat you down,
but, having a companion is a lot different than having a lover/spouse. Maybe it isn't; that's just me. And it's more than just commitment - are you ready to share your life with a person? Many times, relationships fail because one person gives more than the other - and I'm not saying
that is you! This is just from observation (and because my own parents had this issue).
I also want children, I wanted to be married and have babies and I've never even had a serious boyfriend.
I also kind of find this discontenting. I wouldn't mind having children either, but a relationship shouldn't just be simply for popping out a bunch of babies like cupcakes out of an oven. And no, I'm not saying
we shouldn't have kids, so please, don't take that to mean that. Or that I'm implying that children are not an important part of a relationship, because they are and eventually, if you are able to have children, will be. However, I think the first thing that should be important to you is finding someone you really click with, someone you could be with for however long you may have. Children are big commitment, and not everyone is able to take or handle the
stress of children. When you say "I want to be married and
have babies", it bothers me - there's more to children than just
having them.
it's the emotional intimacy that draws me so much to desire sexual intimacy...
This also confuses me a bit. What do you mean, exactly, by '
emotional intimacy'? If you mean falling in love with someone, why don't you just say that, then? I'm sorry if that sounds a bit harsh, but I like to be honest with myself and others. I have no idea what 'emotional intimacy' means to you or to me, because intimacy doesn't just occur during sex, it's even during simple moments with the one that you love.
I feel like it's so hard for me to have to wait and these days men don't marry like they used to, I could be waiting forever.
Don't turn marriage into a bondage. It should be a union, not a jailhouse-like sentence. I'm not sure how else to explain this to you. I'm not sure what you mean or what when you say 'and these days men don't marry like they used to'. Other than for less age gaps between spouses, etc., I don't see how men married differently? People are people, and things haven't really changed - in fact, I think the only reason why people think we don't marry like we used to is because we are more open nowadays about failed relationships and twisted liasons, whereas years ago, things like that got brushed underneath rugs, leaving people to think that marriage is not the same as it used to be.
But as I said earlier,
marriage is more than just marriage. Do you want to marry or do you want to love? Yes, love can fade as quickly as a rose in the sun, but, wanting to marry, to me, doesn't signify
love.
L'amour. Maybe it does to you or to others, but for me,
no. A marriage should be more than just that - it is more than just the rings, the papers, the vows. I cannot see myself being with some just because I want to 'marry' them. I want to love someone, to have someone I care for and who I'll enjoy being with, even if I'm not technically 'married'. Someone with whom I've bonded, become
one with. If you are not 'married' spiritually, emotionally, how can you expect yourself to be 'married' physically? It's like a horse and a rider. If the rider has no emotional attachment to his or her horse, if there is no bond, no friendship, no love, how can they be successful? How can the horse trust his rider, know what to do, know where to go, if there is no emotional attachment other than the reins, bit, and saddle? Of course the horse will balk, or stop, or be frustrated, if the only connection he has between his rider are the physical attributes. If the rider has not spent the time, beforehand, to bond and connect with his or her horse, there is no way their relationship can be truly successful. It's the same with marriage.
I'm sure that is probably a bit long-winded, and someone will probably come along and tear down my words like a vulture to flesh, but just meditate on what I have to say. In other words,
what do you really want?