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Feeling Guilty For Dealing with Lust and Temptation

Discussion in 'College and Youth' started by Littleone, Sep 9, 2011.

  1. I am having a really hard time dealing with lust and sexual temptation and not just in a physical sense. Sure, physically I crave intimacy (and I'm not married) but it's the emotional intimacy that draws me so much to desire sexual intimacy. I know that as a Christian, we are called to abstain from sexual temptation, the bible says lust is to commit adultery and to flee from sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18) and my goal is wait until marriage, but it is SO HARD. I get so lonely for male companionship. I have struggled with lust and masturbation and I feel immensley guilty, yet at the same time I feel like it's so hard for me to have to wait and these days men don't marry like they used to, I could be waiting forever.

    I just need prayer because I want to be married and have intimacy, but I struggle so much with temptation prior to marriage. God put the desires into us, right, but he wants us to wait until marriage for good reasons. I just feel lonely and guilty. I'm tired of not having a male companion. I just need prayer and support. Sure, physically I'm still a virgin, but sometimes I lust and I feel guilty.

    I also want children, I wanted to be married and have babies and I've never even had a serious boyfriend. I feel sad. I pray for God to forgive me for my lust and deliver me from temptation and I am truly admitting that it is sinful to lust, I ask for forgiveness. Please pray for me and any advice would be helpful.
     
    Briley likes this.
  2. Nice to see you again, Littleone, it's been a while.:) Let me say first that waiting for the right relationship with the right guy is worth it. I spend time on a couple of other sites where I witness the results of poor relational decisions. It ain't pretty. I believe one of the reasons these drives, physical and emotional, are so strong is to create a powerful union between two people. That is also why it is so painful when there is discord and betrayal.

    Don't live in shame and condemnation, but bring your thoughts and feelings to God and submit your will to His in these matters. I can guarantee that He desires nothing but the very best for you in all aspects of your life and being, including emotional, sexual, and relational. I don't have any fast and easy solutions for the temptations you struggle with, but when you struggle to do right and excercise self-discipline and, yes, self-denial, these things find favor with God and will have their reward in due time.

    The world is so full of influences that push us in unhealthy directions. We are constantly bombarded with messages on TV, in literature, in music, in cultural trends, etc., that are contrary to God's design and intent for us. It is important to limit our exposure to those influences as much as possible. It would be ideal if you could find an older lady (or better, several) who is wise, mature, and Godly in whom you could confide and who could lend advice, guidance, and support.

    I know you put this post in College and Youth rather than Marriage and Relationships, so I hope you don't mind a middle-aged man putting in his two cents worth. With that, though, I will step back and encourage the ladies of the forums to respond to this thread.
     
  3. thank you for your comment, i really should have read your response before i went out tonight...did something really stupid, I feel sick. I can't believe this, God is going to punish me.
     
  4. I need to repent, i can't believe myself, i'm disgusted...
     
  5. and by the way, all that stuff...all that physical stuff...completly OVERRATED....a waste of time, stupid...it's just like the bible says all things that are permissible are not beneficial...
     
  6. i did some things i know i shouldn't have, i really need prayer for God to convict my heart and overwhelm me with the Holy Spirit because I made the wrong choice tonight and I really wasn't thinking. No I didn't go "all the way," but I did way more than I should have and I did not intend to and I am asking God to convict my heart and help me to want to change.
     
  7. I feel you have deeper issues that until you discover and deal with what that is you will continue to seek physical answers. Something in your life has caused you deep pain. Ask God to search your heart, and to show you what it is that you have perhaps supressed in your life, perhaps a series of things which is the reason you think you will find satisfaction in physical contact. Until you do, you will continue to find yourself in this continuous cycle which will always leave you emotionally dry.
     
  8. I know there are probably people who will read my comments with disbelief, but I felt compelled to write this down to you, Littleone, even if you do or do not see what I am about to write.

    A lot of people seem to forget marriage is not just a physical aspect of a relationship. A marriage is both a spiritual and physical expression of a couple's union; but however, it seems people think that marriage only occurs when you put a ring on each others' fingers (or whatever) and sign the marriage license. Like my grandmother told me, marriage not only occurs at a ceremony, but when you make love - you literally become 'one' with the person you are with (is that too explicit for everyone's eyes?)

    Here's where I think the problem therein lies. Do you what a companion, or do you want someone to love and who loves you back? I'm not trying to beat you down, but, having a companion is a lot different than having a lover/spouse. Maybe it isn't; that's just me. And it's more than just commitment - are you ready to share your life with a person? Many times, relationships fail because one person gives more than the other - and I'm not saying that is you! This is just from observation (and because my own parents had this issue).

    I also kind of find this discontenting. I wouldn't mind having children either, but a relationship shouldn't just be simply for popping out a bunch of babies like cupcakes out of an oven. And no, I'm not saying we shouldn't have kids, so please, don't take that to mean that. Or that I'm implying that children are not an important part of a relationship, because they are and eventually, if you are able to have children, will be. However, I think the first thing that should be important to you is finding someone you really click with, someone you could be with for however long you may have. Children are big commitment, and not everyone is able to take or handle the stress of children. When you say "I want to be married and have babies", it bothers me - there's more to children than just having them.

    This also confuses me a bit. What do you mean, exactly, by 'emotional intimacy'? If you mean falling in love with someone, why don't you just say that, then? I'm sorry if that sounds a bit harsh, but I like to be honest with myself and others. I have no idea what 'emotional intimacy' means to you or to me, because intimacy doesn't just occur during sex, it's even during simple moments with the one that you love.

    Don't turn marriage into a bondage. It should be a union, not a jailhouse-like sentence. I'm not sure how else to explain this to you. I'm not sure what you mean or what when you say 'and these days men don't marry like they used to'. Other than for less age gaps between spouses, etc., I don't see how men married differently? People are people, and things haven't really changed - in fact, I think the only reason why people think we don't marry like we used to is because we are more open nowadays about failed relationships and twisted liasons, whereas years ago, things like that got brushed underneath rugs, leaving people to think that marriage is not the same as it used to be.

    But as I said earlier, marriage is more than just marriage. Do you want to marry or do you want to love? Yes, love can fade as quickly as a rose in the sun, but, wanting to marry, to me, doesn't signify love. L'amour. Maybe it does to you or to others, but for me, no. A marriage should be more than just that - it is more than just the rings, the papers, the vows. I cannot see myself being with some just because I want to 'marry' them. I want to love someone, to have someone I care for and who I'll enjoy being with, even if I'm not technically 'married'. Someone with whom I've bonded, become one with. If you are not 'married' spiritually, emotionally, how can you expect yourself to be 'married' physically? It's like a horse and a rider. If the rider has no emotional attachment to his or her horse, if there is no bond, no friendship, no love, how can they be successful? How can the horse trust his rider, know what to do, know where to go, if there is no emotional attachment other than the reins, bit, and saddle? Of course the horse will balk, or stop, or be frustrated, if the only connection he has between his rider are the physical attributes. If the rider has not spent the time, beforehand, to bond and connect with his or her horse, there is no way their relationship can be truly successful. It's the same with marriage.

    I'm sure that is probably a bit long-winded, and someone will probably come along and tear down my words like a vulture to flesh, but just meditate on what I have to say. In other words, what do you really want?
     
    Lifeasweknowit likes this.
  9. i want to fall in love and only be with the man God intended me to be with my husband. but i get so incredibly lonely, i feel tempted to do things and I'm nearly 23. I stopped and prayed in the midst of my sin silently and maybe it was a weak prayer, but I prayed. i could have gone all the way, but I walked out and I'm waiting for God to help me understand what he wants from me. I want God to show me what he needs me to do but I keep messing up and I feel like im heading down the wrong path. why hasn't God spoken to me and comforted me, why do I feel so lonely? i'm waiting for God to convict my heart. I'm waiting for God to come to my rescue.
     
  10. hey im 23 just yesterday LOL

    its our animal instinct , st paul calls it the FLESH

    listen to Jesus, Hes a spiritual teacher isnt He? He showed us the way, the truth and the life when he lived here on earth

    good things happen to those who wait :)
     
  11. The world we live in today is so sexually immoral, just as bad as the days of Sodom and Gammorah.

    It is a no-brainer that all our sexual desires are quadrupled by the influences of tv and unGodly company.

    I went through a rough 5 years with the wrong person. I beg you to not make the same mistake as me. As much as you cant control your sexual desires, pull up the handbrake on any relationship developing with an unGodly person or 'fake' Christian. God is NOT dumb! He knows what you are going through! and will provide a solution, it could be that immorality is blinding you to His provision or Him being able to make provision.

    What you MUST understand is that right now you are in a position to potentially MESS UP your entire life and it is very
    important for you to draw closer to The Lord and ask Him with earnesty for His provision (perhaps some fasting?).
     
  12. Hey Littleone,

    I see where your coming from. Im 24 and turn 25 in another 3 weeks, im still waiting on God to open that door for me to have a relationship with the right girl :)

    I know its coming as God has placed this desire in my heart and if there's one of the many things im certain of is that the Holy Spirit will place things in your heart to prepare you for what God is to do in the natural. So if you feel that way hold on and keep believing, things will shift in your favour. :)

    Its natural for us to struggle with those things you mentioned above there, don't feel guilty about it, ask God to forgive you and stay strong, guilt is washed away by his blood :)

    God Bless
     
  13. thank you all for ur kind words and Happy belated birthday to jake and elmer. I didn't cross the line quite yet. Sometimes I worry, but I'm going to try and hold on a bit more. I just wish I could have a better relationship with the Lord. I try, but everytime it seems like I mess up. I want to have a better relationship with Christ. I feel like if I had a better relationship with the Lord, I wouldn't base my life so much on other things. I do love Jesus and I believe in him, but I wish he would show me what he wants, I wish he would give me what I need and let me know what I need to do.
     
  14. I am so glad to hear that another young christian girl is having the same problems! (im not saying that im glad you have problems but im just glad that we are not alone)
    But i too feel like lust and temptation is everywhere too and i have this longing for male companiships but im so afraid of getting hurt that i push them away. But that was before i found God, now i know why i pushed them away, it was because they werent the ones meant for me. Because of this i am still pure and even though temptation is everywhere, i work out a often to het rid of some of my sexual frustration.
     
  15. I have a close friend, who's about 5 years older than me. When I was younger, he was my spiritual mentor, and as I grew into a man myself he has become one of my closest confidants and friends. We build each other up spiritually, and God regularly speaks to us through one another.

    The friend I mentioned in virtually every way leads a virtous, Christ driven life. He thrives in ministry, and puts his full life into serving the Lord through said ministry. But since we were both younger, he has struggled with some of the same things you've mentioned. Lust, masturbation, a pornography addiction some years ago. He wants to be married, wants to find the woman who will he feels will complete things for him. He's 32 now, and still not married. I've prayed for him in this regard for seriously over a decade now. While this may not sound like a happy ending so far, I still believe, and more importantly he still believes that God has a plan to fulfil this want in his life. More importantly than the that though is what he's been able to accomplish while he has not had to divide his ministerial time with a wife and possible children just yet. Hundreds, maybe even thousands at this point, of young men have come to know Christ through him, and many more such as myself have been spiritually built up to becoming strong Men of God in their own right. All those who I have ministered to are a direct result of the work the Spirit did in me through my friend.

    Matthew 6: 32-34 - "For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

    The important part of that bit of scripture that so many overlook is to seek the kingdom and God's righteousness first. Can you honestly say you've done that? Have you put your full heart into your relationship with the Lord, and doing the work He has set aside for you? I would urge you to push hard to get closer to Him who saves us, because you will never find a better companion. You don't have to be lonely when you are among those who follow Christ. Pray, fast, dig into the Word, and take on more service through your church. And above all, let God work through you. Everything else will be handled in good time, I can promise you.
     
  16. Just wanted to write and find out from Littleone how she is doing? I can relate to what you said. God has been teaching me about His grace lately though. I'm in courtship but really need grace to stay out of trouble. We're a long distance relationship... which has helped. But a few times over the phone we've spoke things which are not supposed to be said by Christians pursuing a pure and Godly courtship and marriage. Someone ^ up there mentioned exercising to get their mind off the thoughts, which I can understand. If you're busy, you're less likely to get trapped than when you're idle. Most of the times we've been find, but times like this morning, we were on the phone for hours, and that's where we crossed boundaries in what we talked about. I want to be above this and not be subject to the flesh... Yet like Paul in Romans 7 (towards the end), the things I don't want to i find myself doing. Thank God for grace, but I also want to not take advantage of His grace at the same time. While I'll be doing a lustful thing...my mind will be saying "i can always ask for forgiveness...." That's not good, and I don't want it
     
  17. @Littleone

    Have faith in God, love. He is the giver of all blessings in life. And when the time is right, according to His will and His plan, He will deliver you the greatest blessing of all - Holy union with the right man, and a beautiful family to follow. It is written, love. Hope that helps.
     
    Jake likes this.
  18. Struggling with sin (fear/doubt/lust) is an issue of not pursuing Christ enough through prayer and reading the scriptures. Do that more and then tell me if you still have sex with men.
     
  19. You can give up the lust if you choose, but there will be some pain involed. You are lusting as a way to escape reality, it is a expression of trying to cope with pain, when in fact it causes more pain. Theres a saying, when the pain of the problem becomes worse than the pain of the solution, you will do something.
     

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