1. Hello Guest! You are browsing the forums as a guest; you will have limited permissions as a guest so we advise registering to enjoy the forums fully. Remember: we are a Christian ONLY site - any user who is not Christian will not be approved. Blessings, Christian Forum Site Staff
    Dismiss Notice

What to do about a "bad" child

Discussion in 'Biblical Advices' started by treshay, Nov 16, 2007.

  1. What to do about a "bad" child

    My best friend (who is also a Christian) has a step-son who is almost 10. He comes over to the house and is physically abusive to her daughter, who is 5. He has no respect and his mother will flat out tell them (my friend and her husband) that they have no authority over him. He breaks out windows in neighbors houses purposefully, he breaks her daughters toys, he says he hates them and he brags about the fact that his name is Devon and is only two letters away from "devil" so he calls himself (and I'm sure he's learned this from an adult) Devil Devon.

    She has prayed about this and tried to figure out how to handle the situation but she feels strongly that her daughter is not safe when he is around. She also finds conflict with this because she feels that keeping him away is not a Christian thing to do.

    She knows that this child needs help and wants to help him but when she reaches out he lashes out at her. We have talked about it and she understands that this is sometimes typical for a step-child but he is very disrespectful even to his dad. I don't want to come off as saying this child is to blame because children learn as they live and it is our responsibilty as adults to teach them the right way. Again, they have tried but when they enforce their rules his mother calls and threatens them with never seeing him again. She is genuinely worried about the safety of her daughter, and honestly is worried that if he continues to hurt her daughter, that she will lash out in anger against him in protection of her own child. She doesn't want that - she's a very tender-hearted and patient person but that's why she is so stressed, he's really pushing her limits.

    I'm coming to all of you because whenever we talk about any of our problems in life, we base our solutions on His Word. But we are very uncertain how to handle this, the way that would please GOD. Is there scripture on how to deal with a child that is proud to be like the devil and that is eager to hurt others and cause pain. Please don't take this wrong, she wants to help Devon but she need some guidance on how to go about doing it.
  2. That Boy Need The Board Of Education Applied To His Seat Of Learning.
  3. This kid is the very reason why I support spankings. I was a terror growing up, I never tried to be bad, but I remember being proud of myself for being a bully, but the fear of gettin slapped around from my Dad if I did bad things at school or home kept me in line.

    Seriously, spanking works, adults just need to use their judgement and only do this if they have no other choice.
  4. Treshay,
    how can this boy's mother tell the father that he has no authority?!
    He certainly does!
    And yes, I too am pro spanking!

    Wow, what a nightmare for your friend!

    I think your friend's husband needs to take a stand or this is going to cause some real problems in their marriage!
    I'm sure your friend already has feelings of resentment!

  5. Tp begin with, the boy's mother has no authority to say if the father can see or not see his own child. That is for the courts to decide, and if he has court ordered visitation then she cannot keep his son from him without being in violation of a court order.

    Secondly, if the boy is physically abusing the little girl then something must be done. It's called tough love. If the father isn't comfortable punishing his son, then he needs to call the police. That might be the wake up call that both the boy and his mother need. (I am speaking of the biological parents of the boy here-- not the step mother.)

    The father and step mother can also choose to see the boy at times and places where the little step sister is not present. Instead of having his over to stay at their home, they can arrange just to pick him up for a day outing or things like that.

    Another option is to go to family therapy with the child.

    There are other options as well.....

    All in all, the father of the boy must take charge and start making decisions about his son. He has options. if he won't act, then the boy will continue to be out of hand. The only thing the step mother can do is to make sure that her daughter is not around during visitation. If necessary, maybe the little girl can go stay with a grandmother while the boy visits. The mother needs to protect her little girl by getting her out.
  6. There is a baby where I work at a day care center who is like that. Only this is a 1-yr. old. He wears strings on his wrists, which are blessings his mom says and he must not take them off. But he chews on them until they come off. I am not in that room, but the care giver tells me that her spirit and his spirit go through daily battles. She is a Christian and has the Holy Spirit. She says whenever she changes his diaper, he glares at her and she starts to pray. He gets really quiet and sometimes goes to sleep on the changing table. She thinks he has a demon. I don't know about that, but he is very agressive toward the other children and it's really strange.

    I don't know if it's possible for a little child to have a demon, but I wonder if the step mother asked this 10-yr old if she could pray with him and see how he reacts.

    I also think meeting with the son when the little girl is not present was a good idea. Good luck.
  7. When I was younger (starting to sound like my dad...but anyway) we were whipped whenever we disrespected anybody. An elder, an adult, a cousin, a stranger in a store. There was no excuse for it, and we knew that if we behaved a certain way, it would be corrected immediately.

    That all pootered out. Today (around here) you can't spank your kids or you'll be sitting in jail for child abuse. And I think that's a crying shame.

    Because it shows in society. The other day, I saw a little girl screaming at her grandma in the store. There was an awful story on the news recently about a boy hurting his mother very badly. There's even metal detectors at the entrance to the school!

    I've told my nephews before, and I'm going to keep on telling them, that if they treat anybody rudely around me...they're going to get what I used to get when I was younger. I'm going to paddle their bottoms, in front of their friends if I have to!:mad:

    I can't get used to children treating grown-ups the way they do today. In my house, I don't have to be used to it...I will spank them if they act badly, and my nephews know it.

    In my house, mom says, they're completely different. Like little angels.:)

    And I love them.:D
  8. Good for you, WW!!!
  9. did it say the boy had no dad ?:s

    i reckon having no dad around makes boys grow up different then having no dad sometimes

    but i never had a dad around

    sometimes they use it as a excuse but its a stupid excuse lol
  10. Firstly the mother needs to stop sowing seeds with her words.
    She is decreeing the very thing she wants not to happen.
    She needs to start declaring out loud the truth of God's word above what she can see with her eyes.
    Secondly the boy needs to know his boundaries, he needs to know he cant play one off against the other, and that there will be consequences if he does.
    The father needs to assume his role as the boys spiritual leader and apply the wooden spoon to his bottom, and show him who is boss.
    Above all, the little girl needs protecting, but I dont think that things will stay the same if the boy see's he has lost his position of power.
    I also think the boy has a lot of supressed anger that he needs to be taught to take to Jesus, and shown that He is the answer for all of our pain.
    Praying for them.
  11. Ha, ha... Boanerges, you made me laugh so hard with this one.

    I agree spanking used right can be a useful tool in education. In this case, I don't think spanking is the answer because you're not in a position to apply discipline, you can apply love. Pray for him, faithfully, fast and pray and you will see his spirit change. Then you can pray with him.
  12. Are you saying he abuses her daughter all the time? Seriously?! Why are they letting that happen? He's not even 10! Were that my daughter, there would not have been a second incident.

    Its really sad though, when divorced parents hold their petty differences above the welfare of the child. That seems what the biological mother is more interested in.

    The solution is simply that this boy needs disapline(dont think i spelt that right), and he needs it in a big way. Yes, itll be extremely tough, because he's had none for so long. But its either whip him into shape, or just sit back and watch it snowball.
  13. Treshay,

    Tell your freind this.
    Her and her husband are to sit down with that young man and tell him straight up that if he doesn't behave properly they will take him back to his mother and will not be allowed to come back until herepect and behaves properly. and when he first mis-behaves(no matter what it is) immediatlyy take him to his mother and tell him that when he is willing to behave properly to let them know. Until he doesand personaly makes that commitment to do so, do not bring him into your home.
    Repeat this as necesary until the young man either straightens up or doesn't visit.

    If the father wants to see child during these times let him do so but away from the house and for short repetive visits and no special occasions

    At ten years old the child (unless he has a medical mental issue )is old enough to control and take responcibility for his actions.

    At no time should this young man be alone with the younger girl. That is her home and she diserves to be safe and secure in it. over and above what the boy or any adult wants.
    Chances are that if this boy is not diciplined and corrected before purberty that his behaviour will become worse and even more dangerous for the little girl and your freind as well.

    Sincerely His

Share This Page