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Those Who Don't Wait For Marriage

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by TezriLi, Aug 31, 2014.

  1. I am dealing with an issue with a young churched lady in her early twenties. She seems to appreciate my point of view -- to a point.

    I am wondering what excuses are used among the churched for having sexual relations outside of marriage. What Scriptures do they use to justify themselves?

    The conversation will come up. I am baffled by this. Any help will be appreciated -- help from those who believe the Bible says to wait and help from those who think the idea is antiquated.

    Thank you.
  2. If I remember correctly, the Bible doesn't specifically say no sex before marriage. I believe the Church has inferred that policy based on somewhat related scripture. That was always the argument I've heard and have actually used in the past.
  3. I have seen some people going to the extreme. That people who are against premarital sex are legalists! They claim we are no longer under law and hence premarital sex cannot be condemned.
  4. Sex is for marriage. Any other sex is sin. God is very clear in his Word about this.
    God is Love likes this.
  5. What exactly constitutes a marriage? The gathering of loved ones celebrating two bodies coming together as one? By law. Which varies by state. I E common law marriage/informal marriage. God says obey the laws of the land. Those who don't bring judgment to themselves. Submit to government if it doesn't interfere with God's law.
  6. Marriage is between ONE MAN and ONE WOMAN. Anything else is contrary to God's will.
    God is Love likes this.
  7. 1 Thessalonians 4:2-5 (KJV)
    For ye know what commandments we gave you by the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, [even] your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God:

    Hebrews 13:4 (KJV)
    Marriage [is] honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

    1 Corinthians 6:18 (KJV)
    Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

    This one to me is the reason why sexually transmitted disease is so widespread!

    2 Timothy 2:22 (KJV)
    Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

    Colossians 3:5-7 (KJV)
    Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry: For which things' sake the wrath of God cometh on the children of disobedience: In the which ye also walked some time, when ye lived in them.

    Galatians 5:19-21 (KJV)
    Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are [these]; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told [you] in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

    Fornication: Sexual intercourse between partners who are not married to each other.

    There's more, but if you can't teach her with these, she doesn't want to listen and will suffer for it.

    Proverbs 19:29 (KJV)
    Judgments are prepared for scorners, and stripes for the back of fools.

    This verse means that fools only learn through the consequences of their actions.
    KingJ, Heart_for_Christ and JG27_chili says Amen and like this.
  8. I had a discussion a little while back with a couple of people around my age (20s). They went to the same church and made a comment how sex out of wedlock isn't a sin -- abuse, rape, an solicitation of sex are. They claimed that was what the Scriptures were saying and that the language had been distorted and misunderstood. According to then, "fornication" actually meant those things, not sex out of marriage.

    That was how they justified it anyway.
  9. In my younger years, I have some very close friends who happen to be girls…

    They treasure their virginity and willing to give it to a man they love: some after, some before marriage....

    The point: to a man they love, who they love to spend the rest of their lives… someone they can follow…

    It is their expectation.

    The trouble with young ladies: they can mindlessly fall in love…

    The trouble with young men: either they are fools not to realize the expectation is actually a life-time commitment....

    Or, simply taking advantage: that will be injustice then.

    Our sense of justice is never antiquated.
  10. I thank each one of you for your answers, @TH420X , @Ravindran , @Cosmicwaffle , @perfect-imperfection , @Abdicate , @LysanderShapiro , and @aha . I really appreciate all your input.

    This young lady is very dear to me. Right now, we are not talking about the "elephant in the room," but it has to eventually come up. Fortunately, her parents have been very clear with her throughout life and very clear with her regarding her recent decision.

    She has been such a good girl all her life, and I just had certain expectations of her as a woman. To say I am shocked is an understatement. I love her, and that cannot, does not, will not change. I feel like I have to be ready with answers, however.

    For now, I have the privilege of personal interaction with silence about the problem. I do not want to play H. Spirit toward her, but I do hope that my life convicts her and that G-d uses me as well to make her think.

    I talked with a tablefull of young ladies at my synagogue yesterday (they don't know her) in order to hear what they had to say about this situation. They asked me where she was going to school (a local college), and they said that about 80% of students in such schools would think her "strange" if she was not having such relations with her boyfriend. They said that there is extremely strong social pressure not to wait.

    Between them and all of you, I am learning things. I really appreciate your input. I need to be prepared with an answer when it is needed.
  11. Yup, consistent with my personal POV on relationship: Individual->his wife, family->his neighborhood->his community->his nation….

    There is a symptoms of a sin on an individual, that one needs to repent on….

    And there are symptoms of the sins of the community that the community need to pray and repent on…
  12. Tbh she probably knows better and is just making up excuses for her sinful nature. I've never felt like their is much you can say to people who are outright disobedient. I'm sure the Lord will convict her when the time is right, until then pray, pray, and pray.
    KingJ and Abdicate say Amen and like this.
  13. The motivation i think is not physical, lust.....

    The motivation is to show the man how much they love the man, and the motivation or expectation is a long-term, life-time commitment….

    I never heard yet a lady who willingly offer their gift of purity to a person they never love…

    The burden is not on them: them who are trusting, expecting faithfulness to a commitment....

    The burden to be faithful is on man...
  14. My wife and I had been together for 7 years before we were married. We stayed celibate the entire time. It was difficult, challenging, but incredibly rewarding.

    Everybody, without fail, no matter who it is, when they find out my wife and I waited, they always say how much they admired that and how they wish they would have done that. Now granted, I don't think most of them truly wish that considering that many of them still have sex outside of marriage, but I have never experienced any sort of attack or insult for being celibate. It has always been encouragement.
    God is Love likes this.
  15. It is clear to remain abstinent from sexual relations until marriage and if she is a Christian she knows she is committing a sin.
  16. This is what I believe, based upon experience. My first husband and I didn't wait. How I wish we had, but I was foolish and bullheaded, not willing to listen to good advice, and no one gave me any. There was no marriage counseling, and further, the pastor performed the ceremony was evil: he had caught me in a dark hall and had forcibly kissed me like a teenage boy would. I had been taught to say nothing, so I didn't. There was no one trustworthy. However, I made my own choice; it was solidly upon my shoulders.

    However, following 8.5 years of marriage and 9 years of being single, my present husband and I had a year of engagement. We remained celibate throughout our relationship. I am adamant that one can regain emotional virginity. By the grace of G-d, by leaning upon Him, by committing celibacy to Him, it can be regained. It will be scarred, but it will be precious.

    We got down to that last week before the wedding. We had all the excuses in the world, but again, we said no. We were sitting in the car, looking out at the water and the stars were hanging low over us, and I am telling you, the glory of G-d filled that car like I had never experienced before. We held hands and just breathed that in.

    When we married, the ceremony itself was scary for me, very uncomfortable, but the days of the honeymoon were sweet. Unblemished. There was severe trouble in the family throughout our honeymoon, the the stuff between us remained untouched.
    Heart_for_Christ likes this.
  17. Discussion like this is pointless. No offence. If someone can't discern that sex outside marriage is sin, we need to be focusing discussion on getting them saved.
  18. #18 aha, Sep 1, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2014
    Speaking in general terms and not specific to the lady in the OP: I agree and am not disregarding that....

    Although I will also put the blame on the boyfriend as well how they handle a relationship..... pressure usually from young men.

    That is an opinion based on observation.
  19. The basic question here is whether she is truly committed to obeying the Bible above anything else. If she has determined to allow other things become more important to her than God's commands, then quoting Scripture all day long will probably not convince her to make the right decision. She has a more basic spiritual problem, like KingJ said. It sounds like she has decided to allow either her own desires or fear of losing her boyfriend control her actions.

    She is falling for the world's view of sex that is so cheapened that people just give it away to someone who says the right things. How much does she really value intimacy?
    perfect-imperfection likes this.
  20. Hmmmm… the basic question?

    As I see it: the basic question is soliciting input how to counsel a young Christian lady who is brave enough to give her confidence to an Elder…

    Precisely why I beginning to form an opinion that ONLY elder ladies should be one to counsel young ladies : )
    perfect-imperfection likes this.

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