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Should I attend a 3rd marriage wedding?

Discussion in 'Biblical Advices' started by cre8ivim, Jun 26, 2007.

  1. Should I attend a 3rd marriage wedding?

    Should I attend a third marriage wedding?

    My good friend is about to marry her 3rd husband. The first 2 husbands were physically abusive to her. However, there was never any infidelity. The first husband was a non-believer so I think according to 1Cor 7:12-16 she was released from that marriage.

    The second husband was a believer and for 10 years of their marriage was good to her as far as I know. Things turned ugly when he lost his job. He became depressed, controlling, paranoid, easily agitated and physically abusive. He eventually moved out. She waited several months hoping they would reconcile. When she decided it wasn't going to happen, she divorced him. Now I know God does not want us to be with someone who is hurting us, but no where can I find that the Bible say he allows us to divorce that person...only live separate from them. She started dating soon after that. About 8 months later she met her current fiance. They dated 6 months before becoming engaged.

    I have tried to talk to her about this, but she starts to get defensive so I stop. I don't want to lose her friendship and this guy seems great, but if I go to the wedding I would be supporting the marriage.

    Is it ok to support it?
  2. Hmmmmm......
    if I were in that situation~ I would tell my friend that I am not so sure I support her decision but I love her and will be there for her.
    Remember, only God can judge if she was wrong in her last divorce or not.
    Support her friendship, not necessarily her choices :)
  3. cre8ivim,

    You are right, your friend has not made wise choices here.

    I sense the real struggle is a desire to support and love your friend, without appearing to support her foolish decision.

    Proverbs 27:6 says:

    "Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful."

    I pray you will be able to speak kindly, but straightforward to your friend and assure her of your love, while expressing why you cannot attend the wedding.

    God, give cre8ivim your strength and your wisdom and your words.
  4. I agree with the comments in the post from Violet.
  5. Personally; I think there could be 2 reasons why she is marrying again.

    Firstly - She feels happiness will come through marriage. In most cases this is the leading cause of marriage. In a way, it's a contract to secure the relationship she has with her boyfriend because maybe she feels insecure. She may be in love - but she may not know what love is.

    Secondly - She may be in love. They could have a fantastic relationship and a perfect future planned out, and she wants to become one with this man because she feels he can always provide for her and love her.

    I think you should support your friend, even if you don't believe she's doing the right thing. I understand that she has had two previous marriages that didn't work out, but you need to be the friend that never leaves her side and understands her situation, even if you don't entirely agree.

    Remember, This is for her. She needs you now more then ever.

  6. I think it's not important for others to analyze why she is getting married for the 3rd time. She should look internally and analyze herself, why she is getting married for a third time and find a way to not let divorce happen again.

    However, she's already divorced, and she's gonna get married whether you're there or not.
    Let her answer to God for the choices shes made and go to her wedding and have a great time!
  7. Well, your friend's situation is not unique. Two of my favorite Bible Teachers have been remarried. One is now on his third wife and another is on his second. These are guys who are seldom home and are more married to their ministries. We never really find out what the real reason is. I supported them mostly because I had no choice or input. If they are doing things that are in violation of the Scriptures than you might have a valid reason for having input into the situation.

    The Bible doesn't seem to have much to say on Divorce - except for unfaithfulness. I think each person has to work out these problems with the Lord himself on the disolution of a marriage covenant. Our perceptions are at best superficial.
  8. I believe that as a friend, you should be there for her simply because you are her friend. If her other divorces were not of God, then that is between she and God. There might be reasons that even you do not know, that maybe she has not shared.
  9. To be fair, sounds like her marriage partners were the problem, not her. So I would go.
  10. The bible is clear on divorce and remarriage: there is no such thing. It is actually adultery.

    luke 16:18
    Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery.

    1 cor 7:10-11
    Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.

    what God has joined together let NO ONE put asunder.

    She'll be able to marry again when her first (real) husband dies... fufilling her marriage covenant.

    So should you attend this ceremony: no. We as christians should have no affiliation or support of sin.
  11. To the original poster:
    I don't think you'll read any of this but just in case...

    I'm aware of 2 Cor 5:9-13.
    I don't know how to reconcile the two passages except that I don't think it's to the individual. I think that passage is for the church body collectively.

    Moses permitted the Jews to divorce because their hearts were hardened, but God hates divorce.
    The Jews were not permitted to marry a prostitute, but God told Hosea to marry one (extraordinary circumstances I suppose).

    Act according to your conscience. Only you can decide.
    Whether you attend the wedding or not, pray for and support your friend. We are to bear one anothers burdens, but don't let yourself get dragged down into sin.

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