How to forgive?

Discussion in 'Biblical Advices' started by surrendersacrifice, Aug 1, 2010.

  1. How to forgive?

    God forgave us by compensating for the offenses we committed against Him (1John 2:2). He compensated for our offenses by sacrificing His life. Furthermore, by His act of forgiveness He bought us eternal life and healing to our spirit. True forgiveness, therefore, consists in compensating for the offenses that our offenders caused us; and bringing them healing by our prayers and acts of sacrifice. God did this for us because He loves us (John 3:16) and wants us to have His joy (John 15:11). Forgiveness is therefore the ultimate act of love. Jesus commands us to forgive (Luke 6:37) and love one another as He loves us (John 15:12). Many may feel that it is impossible for us forgive in such a fashion. However, if we have faith in Jesus’ sacrifice for our sins, then with His grace we can do it. Furthermore, if we love Him we will obey His command (John 14:15) to forgive (Luke 6:37).
  2. As some feedback: if that's alright,

    this doesn't really tell me how to forgive . but does command me to forgive .

    questions left in my mind after reading the article:

    1) what is forgiveness?
    2) is forgiveness something i do or something God does through me?
    3) How does a trust in Jesus' sacrifice for our sins cause me to forgive others?
    4) What would you like forgiveness for?

    thanks for the food for thought by the way .


  3. I find praying for the person I cant forgive really helps
  4. Forgiveness is a choice that you have to consciously make. But it may not necessarily be something you feel. And it may not be something easy to do.

    If someone has wronged you in some way, you have to make the choice to forgive them. You may not feel like forgiving them and you may never forget what they did.

    But by making the choice to forgive someone it means you choose to leave it in the past. You don't keep thinking about it. You don't keep replaying it over and over in your mind. You don't allow it to hold a grip over you. You don’t allow it to control your life. You don't keep bringing it up in conversations with other people. It is over. It is in the past. You have made the choice to put it behind you.

    And after a long enough time has passed, and you have not talked about it for a long while, only then might you actually start to feel like you have moved past the offense. And just maybe – maybe – you might even be able to move the offense into the back recesses of you memory. But it takes time.

    But initially, forgiveness is a choice you must intentionally make.

    And so, you need to decide when you are going to make that choice. Decide when are you ready to forgive. Decide when are you ready to put it behind you, and move on.

    And it isn't so much about deciding to forgive anyone else. In fact, ultimately it really isn't about anyone else at all. It's about you.

    When are you going to decide to forgive yourself ? To really truly, honestly forgive yourself ? Only then will you stop beating yourself up, and start feeling good about yourself again. And I mean REALLY start to feel good about yourself – good enough to know that you ARE a person of value, someone who can be a caring and loving person, someone that has much to offer.

    It starts with you, and no one else.

    Be at peace

  5. (in my kid voice) So what about those times .. when you forgive something . but an event that is just like it happens .. and it's like an old wound was opened up fresh . how does forgiveness work then? cuz sometimes that happens .. and i was curious how you deal with that .
  6. Then you learn to grow as a person, both emotionally and spiritually. You learn to avoid those situations where repeated behavior occurs. If you are hurt time and again by the same person, you learn to move on without allowing that person into your life. You avoid the person or situation that causes you hurt. Sometimes it is unavoidable, but to often we repeat our mistakes and thus get hurt all over again.
  7. Ah so it's my fault . one mark short of the bullseye . but i appreciate your effort . i'll pray over it some more .
  8. I have always had a hard time forgiving people.. I am learning tho..
  9. I don't think that was Dennis' point. It was not an assignment of blame, but an acknowledgment that we live in a sin-sick world and part of our response to it is one of learning and growing. The alternative, given that stuff happens, is to wither up and die under the assault, or to become unforgiving (NOPE! Can't forgive that one again. Did it once and it happened again! Just don't have the other 489 in me) which leads to hardness and bitterness. By learning and growing we develop better ways of handling life so that we are able to avoid, prevent, or mitigate situations where hurt occurs. We have more weapons in our arsenal than to sit there and take hurt and groan "I forgive" through gritted teeth, though this, too, can be an experience which draws us into greater dependence on God. We do not blame a child for his limitations in dealing with life situations, but we do encourage and help the child to learn how to 'do life' better. None of us has "arrived" yet, so we continue to meet each new challenge and try to make choices that lead us forward until Jesus takes us Home.
  10. Eh, it was an honest question . and didn't get an answer . it's alright . that kind of response just doesn't speak to me . so i'll pray some more . God knows how to phrase stuff so i understand .
  11. Actually forgiveness is a choice, so it IS our fault if we choose NOT to forgive.

    It is a carnal choice to hold a grudge, and carnality leads to death.

    "For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh;
    but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit.
    For to be carnally minded is death;
    but to be spiritually minded is life and peace" (Romans 8:5-6).

    I don't always immediately choose to forgive; but oh what peace when I do.


  12. Actually there's a battle with sin involved when we "cannot" forgive . so i'm not sure if it's that simple . i'm not dealing with such issues at the moment . just asking the question because i had to deal with stuff like that recently . and was looking for some advice . but i have asked the question .. so God will answer it eventually through creation . just when i least expect to hear an answer . so that rocks .

    what i meant by assigning blame being one mark short of the bullseye was .. before adam and eve started pointing fingers .. there was no blame . meaning .. close . but looking for the type of answer God gives from His redemptive perspective anything else, i've found tends to mess me up . but that's just me .

    thanks IHL :)
  13. I'm not saying I don't battle with forgiving others, but it is still my choice.

    It is my choice whether to walk in the flesh or the spirit.

    When I choose to walk in the flesh I cannot forgive.

    When I choose to walk in the spirit I can and do forgive.

    It is still all a choice.

  14. Okay, what you're saying makes sense .

    but what i'm talking about is being honest with myself as to whether i have forgiven or not . and taking time to deal with all that inner stuff . the impression i get from reading this thread is forgiveness must be immediate, instantaneous, and without questions . but the heart doesn't work like that . and God is patient and kind . He wants us to forgive but if we're in process of doing so .. i think He'll understand that since it is His power that is helping us do it .. and His motivation that is causing us to do it . sometimes the will needs to be melted .. and sometimes old memories that this event is hanging onto need to be released .. and depending on the nature of those memories .. this may take a long long time .

    which is why i asked earlier on .. what is forgiveness? the answer to this question makes things more simple .
  15. So sorry, but I never said forgiveness must be immediate, instantaneous or without question. I said it is a choice; regardless of how long it takes to work out all the heart stuff. It is still a choice.

    When I am angry with someone I ask questions to try to understand WHY they did what they did. I may not agree with their explanation, but when I can understand something I can forgive a bit easier. That's just me!

    To me forgiveness is when someone hurts us or angers us and we don't hold it against them. That doesn't mean we have to trust them, but it does mean we don't hold their offense against them and throw it back in their face in the heat of the moment.

  16. I agree it is a choice the mind of Christ can make .

    So 1) Don't have to trust them 2) can be angry .. reminds me of that book we both like ..

    "it's letting go of the other person's neck" thanks for helping me think it through .
  17. Forgiveness does not mean we have to trust the person that hurt us.

    It also doesn't mean we can stay angry toward them.

    It means we are no longer angry and we no longer hold the offense against them.

    However, it does not mean that we have to immediately trust that person again.

  18. Yes .. we cannot stay angry . but forgiving someone .. does give space for us to deal with the anger while "not holding that past wrong against them" .. which i think now is what forgiveness is . choosing to not hold something against someone regardless of how you feel in future interactions . sorta like saying .. i love you .. but i'm still mad at you .
  19. How many times did Jesus say we must forgive our brother and sister ? seven ? No , seven times seven . And yes it is a learning process as some have said but it is also a process which for all of us is necessay and I must say humbling . None of us are perfect , at least I am not , and in our humanistic way we think it is easy just to hold on to grudges instead of forgiving . What does that do ? it pushes the issue further down in our being and we become less and less forgiving and it seems easier each time .

    But in the long run it is us who suffers cause we are becoming an angry person , and jump at every chance to try to get even . The other person involved a lot of times does not even know and who does it hurt . It really hurts the perpetrator .

    Ask me , I know I lived with a man who was a very angry person and was holding issues from his childhood and his outbursts fell on me and most of time I did not even know what I did to incite this anger.

    So people , please , don't push forgiveness down because it will always rear it's ugly head.
  20. I think the main problem Dusty, is few listen to what Jesus said there .

    He said .. if your brother wrongs you .. tell him .. if he repents .. then forgive him .. and through hyperbole and parable illustrated we are always to forgive . but i think the communication break down represented by the saying "if you don't know then i'm not telling you" is what is making it more difficult . the way Jesus laid out is simple but we complicate things .

    and as absurd as the above model may sound .. i've noticed in the few cases where this actually happens . a spiritual power released each time that makes it much much easier to get along .

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