Ancient of Days... The God who always was and is the same.
This is where it all began for me. One day at the beach with my brand new RED beach chair... my brand new thermos filled with fresh coffee and my brand new insulated lunch pouch. My first solitary picnic at the lake that I live beside but rarely sat at. The end of June 2021.
Prelude to this day and time. I had experienced SEVERE suffering of the SILENT kind. Decades upon decades of Chronic Depression that simply would NOT be cured and/or that medication would not touch. I am testimony to the "truth" that there are LEVELS of despair. I would spiral down this hole every year at this very time. The holidays... a time that was supposed to be filled with PEACE and JOY was a DREADED time for me because I knew all too well the "horror" that lay before me. My diagnosis from age 19 to 58 was Severe Chronic Depression plus Dysthymia which simply means I was cursed with a low grade depression all the time. So... when the bouts of cyclical depression would hit in December... I was in for a battle of survival. I am trying to be raw and real about the TRUTH of DEPRESSION. It is ugly... it is oppressive... it is suppressive... and it is POWERFUL to render its victim into DESPAIR ( the place of NO HOPE ).
My faith up until that point was strong in that I KNEW that I needed God for EVERYTHING... however I did NOT feel HIM... and I did not believe He loved me in a personal way. I experienced NO JOY. Picture a little lamb at the wire fence that has been attacked by a wolf and left for dead... but still has a whisper of breath left. Its body is bloody... its skin has been pierced and chewed on... and it is unconcsious. THEN the GOOD SHEPHERD arrives.
That was me. I am not exaggerating for effect... I am not being dramatic... that is exactly where I was at.... and SO.... with this knowledge... and with a testimony that is POWERFUL and AWESOME. I am writing this small offering for those who are SUFFERING deeply and silently especially at this time of year where the pressure is on to perform and "be happy"... I speak to YOU... to your heart.... to your HOPE.... BE of GOOD CHEER. There is an eternal picture that you cannot see. Cling onto the promise that GOD is good... that HE has plans and a future for you... even though you can't see it... feel it or believe it.... HOLD onto the PROMISE that God is FOR YOU.
That day at the beach... I had NIL expectations... Had no clue that such an experience could even HAPPEN. Was way past the stage of asking for a miracle or healing of any kind. My prayer had condensed to simply.... HELP me to make it through the day. I drank beer to numb my pain and to help me sleep. I slept 12 hours a day thanks to wonderful medication that at least worked for that very purpose... and each day that passed was another day closer to death.... and I knew as a Christian that I was promised eternal life. My entire existence depended upon that promise.
What occurred that very day within minutes of placing my RED beach chair down... was a supernatural visitation from ALMIGHTY GOD Himself. I cannot explain it... or properly detail it because the words FAIL miserably at describing the day I was completely healed.
I did not understand that I had been healed... but I did understand that God Himself had appeared to me and imputed some very IMPORTANT truths into my spirit. Truths of WHO HE WAS. It was as though His MIGHTY HAND reached down and placed His Word upon my heart with full knowledge of HIS love for me. Knowing that He truly knew me by name and loved me passionately changed EVERYTHING... and from that moment on... I was HEALED instantly from the grips of crippling disease. All curses if any were broken... all blockages were opened... all HOPE restored and a huge overflowing well of JOY delivered. A joy that I continue to experience on a daily basis 2.5 years later.
For those who are suffering at this time... Please know that God is GOOD... and that HE loves you tenderly.... no matter what your head or heart might tell you. HE is very much ALIVE and working to restore you... to heal you... to redeem you... to bring you NEW HOPE. His timing is His own... and I have experienced that He DELIGHTS in introducing Himself fully and intimately with the souls who seek Him with all their hearts. God bless this precious place called the forums. Thank you for accepting me and encouraging me these last few weeks.
~Most tenderly... In Awe of Him
