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Different bread for different sins...

Discussion in 'Humor' started by krossquad, Aug 7, 2011.

  1. EXPLANATION: On Rosh Hashana (Jewish New Year), there is a ceremony called Tashlich. Jews traditionally go to the ocean (or a stream or river), pray, and then throw bread crumbs onto the water, for the fish to symbolically eat their sins. Some people have been known to ask what kind of bread crumbs should they throw.)
    Taking a few crumbs to Tashlich from whatever old bread is in the house lacks subtlety, nuance and religious sensitivity. I would suggest that we can do better. Instead:
    For ordinary sins, use ........................... White Bread
    For exotic sins .................................. French Bread
    For particularly dark sins ....................... Pumpernickel
    For complex sins ................................. Multi-Grain
    For twisted sins ................................. Pretzels
    For tasteless sins ............................... Rice Cakes
    For sins of indecision ........................... Waffles
    For sins committed in haste ...................... Matzah
    For sins committed in less than eighteen minutes.. Shmurah Matzah
    For sins of chutzpah ............................. Fresh Bread
    For substance abuse/marijuana .................... Stoned Wheat
    For substance abuse/heavy drugs .................. Poppy Seed
    For committing auto theft ........................ Caraway
    For petty larceny ................................ Stollen
    For committing arson ............................. Toast
    For timidity ..................................... Milk Toast
    For being ill tempered/sulky ..................... Sourdough
    For silliness .................................... Nut Bread
    For not giving full value ........................ Shortbread
    For jingoism ..................................... Yankee Doodles
    For risking one's life unnecessarily ............. Hero Bread
    For excessive use of irony ....................... Rye Bread
    For telling bad jokes ............................ Corn Bread
    For hardening our hearts ......................... Jelly doughnuts
    For being money hungry ........................... Enriched Bread or Raw Dough
    For war-mongering .......................... Kaiser Rolls
    For immodest dressing ............................ Tarts
    For causing injury or damage to others ........... Tortes
    For promiscuity................................... Hot Buns
    For promiscuity with gentiles .................... Hot Cross Buns
    For racism ....................................... Crackers
    For sophisticated racism ......................... Ritz Crackers
    For davenning (praying) off tune ................. Flat Bread
    For being holier than thou ....................... Bagels
    For unfairly upbraiding another .................. Challah
    For indecent photography ......................... Cheese Cake
    For trashing the environment ..................... Dumplings
    For sins of laziness ............................. Any Very Long Loaf
    For being hyper-critical ......................... Pan Cakes
    For political skullduggery ....................... Bismarcks
    For over-eating .................................. Stuffing Bread or Bulkey Rolls
    For gambling ..................................... Fortune Cookies
    For abrasiveness ................................. Grits
    For sins of pride ................................ Puff Pastry
    For cheating ..................................... Baked Goods with Nutrasweet
    For being snappish ............................... Ginger Bread
    For impetuosity .................................. Quick Bread
    For incompetent child rearing .................... Raisin Bread
    For negligent slip ups ........................... Banana Bread
    For dropping in without warning .................. Popovers
    For trying to improve everyone within sight ...... Angel Food Cake
    For being up-tight and irritable ................. High Fiber or Bran Muffins
    For sycophancy ................................... Brownies

    by(e)carg
     
  2. I think this is very clever.

    blessings,

    Lynn
     
  3. O me! TY God that I have all my fiber heheheh I feel like a piece of rope hehehehehehhahahaha Hallelujah!! hhheheehhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhahahahahahahah! that's gooooood
     

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