Hon, you don't hope to loved by Christ, you are loved by Him! Do you remember king David? He committed adultery and murdered a man - serious stuff! But he repented and became right with God again. The God that forgave David is the same God that forgives you. And also remember - God didn't stop loving David even when he was in the midst of those sins! Remember the many times in Psalms when it is repeated "His faithful love endures forever..." It is called faithful, enduring Love for a reason. You don't earn it - you already have it because He has given it to you! "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Also remember that love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). Christ is willing to forgive our sins. "Truly I tell you, people can be forgiven all their sins and every slander they utter, 29 but whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; they are guilty of an eternal sin. (Mark 3:28-29)" Christ forgives all sin, but obviously to receive this forgiveness one must receive Christ (Acts 2:38). Blasphemy against the Spirit is to reject God's gift: New life in Christ by the Spirit. It is unbelief in the Christ, the only Love that can forgive all sin!
And read the context the Holy Spirit blasphemy verses. Who did Jesus say these words to? The Pharisees - the teachers of the law! For right after they said His power came from satan, He said those words about blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. And Christ has more to say to this same group of people: "And the Father who sent me has himself testified concerning me. You have never heard his voice nor seen his form, 38 nor does his word dwell in you, for you do not believe the one he sent. 39 You study the Scriptures diligently because you think that in them you have eternal life. These are the very Scriptures that testify about me, 40 yet you refuse to come to me to have life." John 5:37-40. Can you see? The Pharisees committed blasphemy against the Holy Spirit by rejecting/not believing in the Christ!
Do you abide in/believe in Christ? Then you have not blasphemed the Holy Spirit.