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Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by lizloves, May 29, 2015.

  1. This may be a hard post for me to write, but I am going to write it because I need to vent and I need prayers and support. Like I say later on in this post, I am writing this publicly for a reason. Ever since I can remember I have suffered from depression. When I was 16 I wrote my first suicide letter to my mom. I had a handful of pills in my hand and changed my mind at the last minute. I put up the pills and destroyed the letter. I went on and tried to pretend it did not happen. When I was 18, I wrote another letter to my boyfriend. (He is still my boyfriend. We've been together very happily for 4 years). Again, I destroyed the letter and changed my mind. He never knew about the letter. He still doesn't know.

    Like I have said in this post, I am writing this publicly for a very specific reason. That reason being that I wish to reach out to anyone suffering from this terrible disease. Depression is a serious problem. I can not tell you all how many times someone has told me, "Just get over it and be happy." That is not how it works, y'all. Not one bit. Do you know how many times I have tried to just "snap out of it?" Too many times to count. Let me give you all an example.. You know how it feels when you're running SUPER hot bath water or a shower with the bathroom door closed? Do you know how it starts steaming up really bad and after a while it gets like a hot sauna? Not the relaxing kind. I know that when my bathroom gets super hot like that, I have to get out. Right then. I get anxious and can't breathe. It's an awful feeling. That is exactly how my depression is. I can feel my life leaving from me slowly. My breathing is obstructed. And right when I feel like I can't breathe, I try to open the bathroom door but it's locked from the outside. That is depression, friends. It is an awful feeling. If you have ever suffered from depression, you know exactly what I am talking about.

    If you are suffering from this, let me tell you that it gets so much easier. Your life is worth more than you realize. Look at the blessings you have. If you don't have much, look at what you do have and look at how you're reading this right now. You are alive. You are here for a reason. Don't ever let depression win. Never give up. These are the things I tell myself and it truly helps.

    If you know someone suffering from depression, please never tell them to "just get over it." It isn't something they can just walk away from. I have tried walking away from it. It follows you. I promise. Just love them. Sit in silence with them. Get them out of the house and show them what live has to offer. Hug them. Talk to them about nothing. Gosh, watch funny cat videos if that's what will take away their pain for 10 minutes. Just do something. Most of all, pray for them. Pray for me. Please. This is such a terrible thing to go through. I hate when I feel this way. It's like I am not myself. I am most definitely, 100% a different person when I have an episode of depression. I am closed off from the world. I am in this dark pit.. (yes.. dark pit.. I realize how dramatic that sounds). And I am reaching out but its so hard to climb. I just want to lie at the bottom and be alone. I have no energy. I am praying to God that He will save me from this because it is not fun.

    Luckily I have not even considered suicide since I was 18. Suicide is not an option for me. I realize how much I have to live for now, but that does not stop my depression, unfortunately. God is helping me though. He is definitely helping me through this. I don't know if I will ever be without depression, fully. What I do know, though, is that my God is incredible and He is called a savior for a reason. He will continue to save me and help me through difficult times. The devil will not win.

    I hope you all consider praying for me and for all that may be suffering from this. I pray that you all tread lightly when speaking to a person suffering from depression. God isn't going to give up on them, so don't give up on them either. I promise you even if they seem stand-offish, you're helping just by reaching out.

    Again, I am aware of how scattered my posts seem to be sometimes. It's hard to organize my thoughts. Hopefully by the next time I post, I will be my normal, happy, upbeat self. As for now, I am just going to continue fighting and thanking God for everything He has provided for me.

    autumn oddity likes this.
  2. #2 Cturtle, May 29, 2015
    Last edited: May 29, 2015
    Hi Liz,

    As i have been where you are.....i can agree that there is hope and peace and healing in Jesus. As you grow in God and His love for you, and trust in that Love.....you will get this turned around with God's help.....but part of what you will need to do is to find the root cause of the depression, and get into the psalms and just give God the sacrifice of praise.

    Once you have the root cause of the depression, then as you give it to God, and walk through this storm with Him....then He will cause you to come out on the other side...never to return again. But you have to make a choice. You have to fight the good fight of faith and not allow this spirit to overtake you. JESUS died to set you free from this. Your victory is already there, but you have to take ahold of it and move forward.

    Father, thank You for Liz and for Your love for her! Thank You for surrounding her with the peace that passes ALL of her understanding. Thank you that you have always given us the way out of the things that desire to shut us down and throw us into a prison without a key. Show her that way....the way to rejoice and be at total peace in the midst of ever storm. In Jesus Name, Amen
    Arrie03, lizloves, Juk and 2 others say Amen and like this.
  3. Hello Sister Liz,

    This depression is as a spirit and can follow one around there entire life and be passed down generation after generation. All the pills in the world will not cure depression but can make one cope with it and live life as little better for awhile.

    The joy of the Lord is our strength. Not happiness but pure 100 percent Joy and this is a strong and powerful medicine unto all and will defeat the enemy and all things connected to evil, sickness and so forth.

    There is one way to be rid of this foul evil spirit and that is through the written word of God. Thee Blood of Jesus will destroy this thing called depression and this yoke called depression will be no more.

    Liz I urge you to seek God in this area, you seem to have a heavy heart in this area and I am talking about true concern and Love for it's victims and hate for the evilness of this foul smelling spirit called depression. I say this for there just may be ONE person out there that having you come into their life may be the deciding factor of life or death. Yes there could be more then one but I say one for one comes before two or many and One is a person depending on God sending One to them.

    Blessings Liz and don't walk away from this with out first giving it to the Lord and spend some quality time seeking Him in this.

    God Bless You Sis,
    Juk, Mykuhl and Cturtle says Amen and like this.
  4. You will be in my prayers Liz.
    lizloves, Cturtle and Juk says Amen and like this.
  5. Liz, I feel for you and can relate with what you are going through, although in a different way. I wish I had the right words to say but they just aren't coming. So, all I will say is this: know that I care, I am hear to talk(If you need it) and that I am praying for you.

    God bless you sister.
    lizloves, Cturtle and Juk says Amen and like this.
  6. Know that you are not alone. I gave been through depression too, and I still am a bit right now. I have also considered suicide once or twice, but I never got so far as to write a suicide note. Bit I have thought it out in my head.
    One thing that helped me was knowing that if I competed suicide, I would end up in hell. Fear is something that almost always moves me. But it usually has to be backed up with scary music. Anyway, when I was really on the verge of suicide, someone on this site told me that it was a very foolish thing to do, and that also stopped me in my tracks. Just some things to think about if the thoughts come back.
    For me, depression feels cold in my solar plexus, that area just below the chest. That is where we feel our emotions. It's also like hunger, how it comes in multiple pangs.
    I always fought my depression simply by saying "screw you" to it and keep moving on. I ignore it. I might only pay attention to for several seconds, unless I am thinking. Nowadays, I have been constantly doubting God. That makes me depressed because I know that the Christian God is the true God, but things are so confusing, and they are not turning out as planned. Just keep your faith. I'd think that it should be easier for you since you are much deeper in your faith than I am.
    John 20:29 KJV
    Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.
  7. Juk, I know this is Liz's thread but you and everyone else(that it applies to) needs to read this.

    As a Christian you CAN NOT let fear ever motivate or drive you. Fear is selfish to the core! It is selfish because it's only goal is self preservation. Love is the opposite of fear because love is selfless, it's never self seeking, it lays down it's life for another. Everything we do as a Christian must be motivated by love. 1 Corinthians chapter 13 sums it up pretty good.
    lizloves, Cturtle, Euphemia and 2 others say Amen and like this.
  8. Well, I'm just saying that fear is what saved my life, more than once.
    Mykuhl likes this.
  9. I understand Juk and it is good that it did. But, please hear and take in what I am saying.
    Juk likes this.
  10. Just please make sure not to condemn yourself over it either or let the enemy condemn you. Just realize it is a place to grow into. God will help you to get there.
    Cturtle and Juk say Amen and like this.
  11. I do understand.
    Mykuhl likes this.
  12. Very well said Mykuhl and I want to add a couple of things

    Never allow "fear" to dictate your future.
    satan is fear or another words just as much as GOD IS LOVE ...satan is fear...
    fear is twisted perverted faith but you have to grasp this one thing..........to be fearful of it is actually faith in.
    lizloves, Juk, Cturtle and 1 other person say Amen and like this.
  13. I deal w/ anxiety .. but depression isn't too far behind..so I kinda know how you feel.
    Everday shouldn't have to feel like a fight...

    I just wish I was a s fortunate as you to have friends, or a boyfriend ..ect.. to distract my mind..

    but back to the point..I get you.

    People who dont understand or never experienced it, are usually the least sympathic... and in a way its not their fault .. they just don't get it.

    And Im glad they don't..I wouldn't wish anxiety on my worst enemy.
    Juk and Mykuhl say Amen and like this.
  14. This is a fundamental point. God is with you.
    lizloves and Juk say Amen and like this.

  15. Your words truly inspire me. Thank you for your reply. It has been a few days since I originally posted this thread and I am feeling so much better. Praying to Him has helped me so much. I am thankful to have friends here that can pray for me and help me through hard times. :) It is sort of hard for me to find the root of my depression. I really don't know why it comes in random times in my life when things seem to be going just fine. I have faith that He will deliver me from this.

    Mykuhl likes this.

  16. Thank you so much Jim. I have been praying so much about this and I will continue to pray. I am feeling much better now. I hope that I can get through to at least one person suffering from this. It's such a hard thing to go through alone and I really want anyone going through it to know that there is SO much to live for and that their life matters so much. I appreciate your kind words! :)
    Fish Catcher Jim likes this.
  17. Thanks for being here for me, Michael. That is more than enough for me. :) God bless you as well!
    Mykuhl likes this.
  18. Juk I can understand where you are coming from, as I have been there myself. However, I do agree with the rest that have replied to your comment. You can't allow fear to drive your emotion and actions. Faith over fear, my friend. It will get better in time. I can understand the confusion because I was confused for a very long time when it comes to God. But I have found Him and I promise you that he works miracles. He has helped me with my depression because the other day when I wrote this, I was very down. It was a pretty bad episode of depression. But just writing about Him and sharing what I was going through with you all made me feel a sense of peace and relief. I could feel His presence as I was writing it and I can feel His presence now. I have never been through such a quick episode of depression. He helped me more than words can describe. All I can say is pray. Pray, pray, pray. And if you EVER need anyone to talk to, do not hesitate to message me. I will do the best I can to help. Never feel alone, because we are all here for you and want nothing but the best for you.

    -Liz :)
    Juk and Mykuhl say Amen and like this.

  19. First off, let me just say that your name makes me happy. Pancakes. Oh my goodness... I love some pancakes.. Haha.
    Second, You do have a friend in me! I know that this is the first time ever talking to you, but I'm a pretty good person to talk to about things. I don't ever judge and I understand what it feels like not to have anyone to talk to sometimes. If you ever need anything just send me a message and we can chat! I would be happy to.
    Lastly, I agree with you 100%.. people do not understand and it isn't their fault. It's hard to explain to people what it's like and how hard it is. I would never wish anxiety or depression on anyone either. It is a terrible thing to go through.

    Thanks for your comment and again.. don't hesitate to message me if you need a friend. :)

    Cturtle and Mykuhl say Amen and like this.
  20. Hi Liz,
    I wanted to add to this but what could I say that you have not already said so well.
    Thank you for having such a God Loving heart full of Christ.
    God Bless
    lizloves and Mykuhl say Amen and like this.

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