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debating on staying home with kids

Discussion in 'Family and Parenting' started by momof4, Nov 8, 2008.

  1. debating on staying home with kids

    I am single mom of four children, ages 4, 6, 9, 11. I have been f/t student for nearly 2 years now with nearly 2 years left to go. For the last few months I have been feeling increasingly pressured and stressed over the demands of school and raising a family. One thing after another seems to come up forcing me to choose between the two. When I put what I need to into my kids my studies suffer and vice versa.

    Over time I have been noticing that the stress is making me less of a parent when I am present and I have a constant feeling of guilt because I do not feel like this is what I should be doing. At the same time I am afraid if I quit school I will be "throwing in the towel" on something that would be good for our future - afraid of dissapointing the people around me. At the same time nobody is here but me and nobody else really sees the toll things are taking on my family. I have been praying and have been getting the overwhelming feeling that I need to drop school indefinately & stay home with the kids for a while until I know it is time to return. I have also been unsure if nursing is the field I really want to pursue. I have some ethical issues with this and feel if it were an option I would rather practice natural medicine. Also, I have been exploring home based business ideas along the lines of natural organic food products and really wonder if I may be able to start a business that would enable me to be with the kids f/t.

    With many of the problems facing families today I believe it all starts at home and I hardly feel like I am doing a very good job right now in my parenting - not because I don't want to but because I feel divided and know I need to do something to provide for my family. My oldest son has some special needs and as he is entering his teen years I feel very pressed that he needs my attention right now and that I need to be able to spend the time with him that it will take to help him develop neccessary skills for adulthood. In reality, he will most likely be with me forever but I still want him to be happy and as independant as possible and as it is I am afraid his needs are increasingly put on the back burner for lack of time. I nkow I cannot go back and do it over if I make the wrong choice now. Any input on this? Please pray for us - I really want to make the right decision and know that when I do make a choice I am doing what God wants me to do and not for the wrong reasons.
  2. It doesn't matter what you do...as a parent...single or otherwise...you will always be second guessing yourself.:groupray:

    Why waste 2 years of study and finance? Remember you are doing this to provide better for you and your children...how about a third or fourth option...

    3rd...Talk to student counciller and see if you can do part time for the same degree without losing credits.

    4th....go to Distance Learning Courses and Adult Education - The Open University

    See if you can transfer your credits there and you can study part time in modular form (the OU very rarley say no to transfering credits)..you do not even have to live in england to be part of the OU either.

    I recommend the OU

    Guess whose a mum with teens pre teens and disabled kids and studies part time at the OU?:D:D

    (me) :D
  3. thanks

    Thank you for the reply - I know, I have come this far so it is a really hard choice to make. I have spoken with advisors here and distance learning is not an option for the nursing (RN) program. Where I am at now I will be putting my application in March for the fall... from there it is 2 years and a great deal of that is internship / clinicals. In reality it will get MORE demanding rather than less demanding. I have thought of changing my major to pursue naturopathic medicine but this would mean more school - 2 more years here then 2-4 more years at University several hours from here (that would mean moving) before I would be done. As is, if I continue with nursing I could be working in the field a couple years from now and return to school in the future if I choose to go on to something else.

    I keep trying to tell myself that I am doing this for the kids - for all of us as a family, but really starting to wonder as I feel like our home life starts to unravel and I am not able to do all that is needed. Sounds like you are doing it too - I know it is not just me & I do not mean to be a big whiner here. Just trying to consider if these are "normal" feelings or if I need to step back from school and spend some time being mom.
  4. The best advice I can gie is this- seek God and follow His lead. He will direct your path. I will be praying for your family.

  5. Regarding the nursing I cannot advise...I simly do not know. As for if these feelings are normal...YES!!!!! every parent in the world who has had to go and work or study has asked themselves something like this at one point or another. We ahve forums at the OU and there are so many single parents who have mentioned very very similar things to what you have.

    I deligate. My kids make thier own beds...no option.....my kids pick up thier own toys...no option...I gave up irnoninng years ago...over here we have wash programs on our machines and tumble dryers and type of clothes that really make ironing a thing of the distant past. My kids take turns at the weekend and either wash up the dishes or vaccums. during the week I wash up but the kids put thier plates in the sink and we all pick up bits of things that might have found their way onto the carpets etc. I clean and bleach the bathroom and kitchen and do the floors...but the kids amke sure fresh towels are out and the soap and shampoo etc is back where its meant to be after use.

    I hope this is of some use to you.:groupray:
  6. I agree that you need to take it to the Lord in prayer. My husband was in sales and was away all day. I tried working in the nursing field, when our 4 children were between 1 1/2 and 8. Our children still remind me, that they wish that I would have been home for them. They told me that it was so hard being shuffled around to the babysitters when I was working. When they needed me, I wasn't there for them. Today I realize what a privilege it is to be there for the little ones GOD has given us to care for. Time has flew by so quickly, and when I look back on it, that time frame was so short, and yet what a difference it could have made. Thank God, they have all turned out well, and I just have to remember that verse "Forgetting those things which are behind", I press onward. The past is past, and it can't be brought back. I believe that because our children learned what it felt like to have a working mom, they made the choice to stay at home with their children. Yes, it is hard with one paycheck, but the Lord does provide and He is faithful. Them that honour Me, I will honor! I work from home now, and want to be a faithful example to our grandchildren and we also are taking a course in fostering. I just wish someone would have suggested working from home back then.
  7. That is a really tough decision. I personally would finish first school not only for myself (after all, kids leave the house eventually) but also as an example to them of the importance of education. But it is best overall to pray for God's guidance! Crown Ministries had a good broadcast about financial decisions to take when making a decision to be a stay at home mom.

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