Daughter refusing to go to church

Discussion in 'Answers' started by Brother Of Christ, Jun 23, 2009.

  1. Daughter refusing to go to church

    Greetings all

    I wonder if any of you folks here have encountered a problem like this before. Ever since my daughter started high school last year, she has been refusing to attend services, or grumpy about going.

    I've given my all too to get her to attend; groundings, spankings, threatening to shave her hair off, withholding her allowance but she just won't budge an inch. This is causing severe stress and pressure to me and my wife of course as we serve God with all our might each and every day.

    Thank you in advance for any advice anyone has to bestow upon me. Bless you all
  2. First threatening won't help. Second insisting on her attendance till she is 18 is your right as a parent. I have been there done that and got the t-shirt my friend.
    The world does a lot of pulling on young folks and as they grow and mature out of our parental control (legally 18 most places) we must trust God for them.

    Pro 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

    Looking at this verse one can see that we are to instruct our kids when they are young and when they are old they will not depart from them. Notice it never mentions what will happen in the middle years.
    If we plant the seeds of faith our dear children will find themselves drawn back to their spiritual roots as they mature. Every man, woman and child has an empty spot in their heart only Jesus can fill.
    I would like to suggest going to your local library and checking out a Book by Dr James Dobson entitled the strong willed child. This man is full of wisdom from God in matters of faith and family.
    You, your family and your daughter are in my prayers.
  3. Just about every young person goes through this.
    They don't want to go to church, to school, to work, it is called rebellion.
    When I was 14-18 I mastered it. (In fact, I'm still pretty good at it.)

    This is when the parenting gets tough.

    I won't be so bold as to tell you how to parent, that is your business not mine, but I will recommend for you the Words of a great parent, The Greatest, I suggest you both read and follow them. :)

    Proverbs 3:1-12
    Proverbs 22:6 as mentioned above.
    Proverbs 4:1-17
    Proverbs 6:20-23
    Ephesians 6
    Colossians 4
    May you both find guidance and strength in Gods Word. :groupray:
  4. The best way is to not force her into attending. I've seen to many instances where people have made their children go to church and end up instilling a bad image in their mind.

    If she says no, don't push it.

  5. Have you tried just sitting down with her and calmly discussing her reasons for not wanting to go? Listening to her respectfully and without interruption doesn't mean you have to agree with her reasons, but if you can find the "sticking point" you can address the issue with an appropriate response. As a mechanic, I find it useful to check the fuses and the sensors before changing out a motor. I wasted a lot of time, effort, and money installing a new starter in my car when the problem was a 98 cent battery cable. I'm concerned that the measures you have been taking may be building up a lot of anger and resentment without bringing you closer to a solution.
  6. I agree with Rumely. Having a sit down might bring things to a better conclusion instead of someone going out in a ball-and-fire.

  7. I have one of those t-shirts too. And my son's only 10, going on 20.

    What really worked for me, is loving him and prayer. I sat him down and sincerely explained to him how much I loved him and wanted the very best for him. I explained how having faith in God would give him peace and good things in his life. My son knows that I love him, I tell him everyday and more importantly, he knows by my actions towards him. He did a 180 and now enjoys going to church and is excited about attending a church camp. There are forces at work that would love to draw the children of God away from God but God is stronger, our faith needs to be stronger. We need to be steadfast in our love, prayers and faith. My prayers are with you and your family, I can really relate having gone through the same thing. Show her how much you love her and let her love for you draw her closer to the source of all love, for God is love.
  8. I'm bookmarking this thread cause with two young boys, I'm sure I'm gonna need to come back to it in say, 5 to 10 years.
    I also agree with Rumely, onn the pinciple that you're in a battle here. It may seem like a battle of wills, but more than likely, it is a battle of reason. Maybe your daughter never really grasped the reasons you had her attend church all these years. In my opinion, going to church is just a side issue. The real issue here is what she actually believes to be true, concerning God, faith, and the world in general.

    High school is a completely different world. Before, her school consisted of kids totally dependent on their parents. Now, she's surrounded by kids who are driving, holding down summer jobs, and just a couple of years away from moving out of their parents homes.The teachers are different as well. She's going to be drawn into more in depth, more thoughtful conversations in her classes, and she's going to hear more points of view than she is probably used to paying attention to. One thing I would definately do is go to the school and meet her teachers, one on one, and find out what she is actually learning in class. Meet her new friends, and have, or try to have, some conversations with them. You're still her parent, and you have the right to remove her from, or promote the learning and social environment that she is in. If you feel that sheis being influenced in the wrong direection, remove her from that influence. But don't take a "because I said so" approach to it. Be completely honest, open with her about your reasons, and stand firm on your decision. Later, she'll thank you for it.
  9. There is a lot of good advice in these posts. When I was in my later teens I was difficult to get up and off to church too.

    My father came in one day and said, "Son, I'm tired of fight'n with you and trying to get you up for church. You know whats right and wrong and why we attend the service every Sunday. So its up to you to make up your mind. We leave at 9:30. If your in the car you can come. If not were not going to plead."

    I didn't make every service and sometimes not many at all but I always knew what I should be doing. Now I have kids of my own and they will have to make that choice too someday.

    Many of my Sunday school chums from those days were forced to go and not many of them attend a church at all anymore.
  10. I can only speak from my own experience, that I have talked about here once before.

    I was forced and when I turned 18 I bolted and didn't return to the Lord until 30 years later.

    If it were me, I would give them the choice. She's already a teenager, you have done what you are supposed to do by building the foundation of Christ under her feet and teaching her right from wrong.

    If it were me, I would not force her, I would give her an option and I would continue to let her know that the Lord loves her and so do you, no matter what she chooses.

    You might just be surprised by what happens when the "forced' part is taken out of the equation and the tug of war stops.

    I can tell you this. She may not decide to go for a while, but she will forever have the foundation she's been taught. She will return, it will be up to her as to when.

    I will be praying for your situation. This is only my opinion...I'm no expert by any means. I just know what happened with me.

    Blessings to you and your family, Cheri
  11. Hi All,

    I'm not sure if this is helpful to this situation or not but reading the thread reminded me of trying to discipline my 3 year old this morning. I was suddenly struck by the thought, as I was trying to bend him to my will, that this must be how God looks at us each and every day. He has given us free will so that we might make a choice to serve Him and that giving that choice He hopes that we will ultimately choose Him over the world.

    In disciplining our children we can show them the right way and show them how to avoid the wrong way but ultimately we have to trust our teaching and pray that they choose right over wrong or in this situation God over the world.

  12. You shouldn't force your kid to believe in what you believe.

    You have to accept that. And honestly, was Christianity supposed to have something to do with "morality". I rarely see it from religion, and I don't mean to offend, but your actions weren't exactly moral.
  13. Very true.

    I have found my relationship with God is very much a parallel to the one I have with my children.

    God, however is much more patient and has far more humour than I would have expected.
  14. Indeed my friend!:)
  15. if my child does not want to go,she does not have to,you teach your child more at home than the priest does for 1hr,when the child ain,t listening anyway.as they grow they realise they are diffrent to others,then explore there faith.
  16. This is just the way we do it:
    Pro 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

    Yong children especially need to be taught right from wrong. As they get older they want independence and we slowly wean them into this but on our time table and not theirs.
    One of the things that is not negotible in our home is attending church. If they get jobs they will be off at service time (at least Sunday AM).

    Our job as parents is to -Train up a child in the way he should go.
    When they get old they will not depart from this. This does not mean there will not be tribulation in the middle years but it does mean that most folks will return to their roots as they mature .
    So we (in my home)plant Godly seeds that will bear fruit in the lives of our kids,and believe the Father that they will indeed see that fruition.
    This is not negotiable in our house.
  17. As a parent who has raised 2 teen who are both serving Christ and a youth pastor here's my advice. Don't push her. Love her unconditionally and daily bring her before the Throne of Grace. Live a consistent and faithful Christ like life before her and remind her regularly that you deeply love her. Release her to the Lord. The Spirit of God is great at convicting and drawing to Christ.

    Love in Christ, Pastor Glenn
  18. I agree don't force her but hand this over to God and pray for her. For there is nothing to big for our heavenly Father......May God peace,love and protection be with you and your family ....love Jane
  19. yeah don't make her she'll just resent it later on, it needs to come rom the heart, just pray
  20. OOh My
    I would have to agree with most
    It wont do much good forcing her
    yet look on the good side if possible
    and try and find out from her what is
    causing her to say No to attending church .

    sometimes teens have very valid reasons for not attending
    and they just get very stuck trying to figure out what they are really supposed to do . Teens in this generation are facing pressures unlike no other generation ever :smiley170:
    I could probably write a about young peoples issues and whether they should go or not .

    And as your probably already aware
    Rebellion and accountability mix about as well as oil and vinegar :smiley40:

    has she stated her reasons for stopping her attendance ?
    It may be something she is stuck with that you can help her resolve in a short time

    often times teens will skip church if they are made to believe they are unforgiven for something ,or they had peer pressure from close friends ,or some one told them to continue to go would make them a hypocrite

    chances are her reasons for stopping is your opportunity to help her work through why

    As you know what is most importance is salvation
    and many get church attendance confused with
    salvation .

    Teens in this generation often enough have these outrageous conscience levels where they have condemned their own selves for minor things having nothing what so ever to do with God and forgiveness
    yet they get so hung up about it, they believe they are
    unloved unwanted and unforgiven
    Usually always it is some one close to them who has condemned them and they lost friendship or what may have you and based on that failed human relationship they can not fix , they often pull away from what they Love the most because there skin has been burned psychologically. That process is how character is built :smiley160:

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