Christian Discipline

Discussion in 'Family and Parenting' started by WordTime, Jun 30, 2007.

  1. Hello, wordtime.
    I know so many Christians who spank, not beat, their children.
    These children are well balanced, loved, happy and well behaved.

    I raised my first 4 children alone when I was very young and I spanked them.
    I believe it is all about balance.
    You have to teach your children, talk to them, listen to them, love them, spend quality time with them and so on......

    I was a very young mother, 21, with 4 children and everyone in church, restaurants and stores complimented me on the behavior of my children.
    They were both well behaved and happy and complete strangers saw this and would come to me with their disbelief and compliments, especially for me being so young with 4 such happy, well behaved children.
  2. Jesus is the Word of God and this humanistic philosopy disagrees with the Word of God- as Violet said a little spanking- nobody here is an advocate of physical abuse but the Word of God is a higher standard than the word of any man.
  3. Hi Boanerges,

    Actually this is a Christian article written by a pastor. I am impressed because I have never agreed with spanking. Hoping that other Christians that share my belief will find inspiration in knowing that they can discipline their children in a positive way and leave the spanking concept where it belongs... in the past.

    I think if anyone spanks their children they should be prepared for an accounting. The child may come to you one day and ask, "Why?" They may feel a warped sense of love because they were told "I love you" by the person who just physically hurt them.

    We, as parents, should look for the best, most positive way to guide our children.

    God Bless
  4. Hi Violet,

    I have read some of your other posts and you sound like a wonderful Mother. Being so young, I know it must have been difficult. I'm sure now that you are older you have learned many new, better ways to discipline your children.

    Here are some positive techniques that work well. If a child over 5 is misbehaving, send them into their room for "downtime". Go in about 2 minutes later and ask them to draw a picture about what they did wrong. Tell them when they are done to bring the drawing to you, sit down at the table and explain what they think they did and why they were sent for downtime (or timeout if you prefer the older lingo). With older children, they can write a short paragraph and look up scriptures that will help them behave in the future. Of course children under 5 won't have the patience to sit in downtime for very long. The best advice for those of us with younger children is to get at the child's level and make eye contact. Tell them what you expect and then take them out of the situation.

    I think the reason downtime works so well is because we as adults take downtime. When we as grown-ups feel overwhelmed and unable to handle things, we take timeout. Shouldn't we be modeling this to our children and allowing them the same respect? Yes.

    I think you are on the right track now, so keep going in a positive direction.

    God Bless
  5. We should always be careful when we take our own "likes and dislikes" and try to find someone with a supposed Biblical support for what we like.

    I am not sure how old you are, but your concepts seem a bit simplistic. To assume an action which causes pain is "wrong" is overly simple. With similar reasoning we would assume most athletics are evil and nearly all operations are evil.

    While I understand that there is a hope that a 'better" way exist, the truth is that much of life does not follow our human reasoning. When my oldest son was very little (he is now 23) we were friends with a couple who had a child with a physical problem with his foot. The boy's doctor said that he no longer gave parents a choice between braces and operations. The doctor only did operations. His reasoning was simple. He no longer trusted parents to make the hard choice of forcing their children to wear the braces when they hurt or when the child cried. In short, he said that parents were too soft and often ended up hurting their child far more by not making the hard choice.

    I guess you get the point here.
  6. We never spanked any of our kids. They are great kids too. No

    dope, no premarital wrongs, nothing. Just good kids. 3 boys, 1 girl.

    Pops never spanked me so I know what I know. Whatever

    works. Those boys respect mom and my girl, well, she's a

    jewel alright. Couldn't have prayed for a better troupe.
  7. In the world of raising children, there are many parts that make up good child rearing. Trying to take one issue and say it does or does not produce "fine" children (though we should be talking about godly children, but that is another story!) is inappropriate.

    Some could say they allowed their children to watch R rated movies and they "ended up just fine." Others could say they provided condoms to their child and they "ended up just fine." So the issue is not "ending up just fine" but what does God desire and want in the lives of our children?

    Quite honestly, I dislike these discussions because individuals start in an "argumentative" mood - desiring to "win", not to "understand" the mind of God. We are so fast to want to assume we have the mind of God and can understand things because of our experience or our mental awareness, rather than through an immersion into the Word of God.

    Quite honestly, after 20 plus years of working with children, I would say 75% of all children, perhaps 90% of all girls would do just fine without spanking. Obviously our world is full of people who are not disciplining out of love or out of self sacrifice and servant hood to their children. We could point them out as great examples of those who did or those who did not "spank" using their results of parenting as an example pro or con!

    What disturbs me most about such discussions is a sense that we solve problems or come to conclusions without an understanding of God and His revealed Word.

    I have written a short booklet on discipline which you can download at:

    I think it mentions spanking in two sentences!

    Most important is that you love your children! Love them enough to set limits according to God's Word. Love them enough to disciple them! Love them enough to punish them (as God's Word clearly states - the father who loves his child will punish them) when they do wrong! Love them enough to teach and train them. (Duet 6) Love them enough to hold them accountable!
  8. Mark,
    I really never felt this was an argument at all, as I understand we each have our own opinions.
    I certainly am not arguing with Wordtime and I don't believe she is arguing with me.
    She has been very gracious.
    We have our different opinions and we are stating them and this is how we and others learn.

    But you did bring up the end result is about following the Bible.
    The Bible does say not to spare the rod.

    I think these are important discussions if all they do is enlighten someone to an awareness of something they are seeking.
    Blessings to you~
  9. im described as a big ogre in my house ,but in a loving way .im strict and try to learn my kids from right and wrong.respect but a loving father also.
  10. A loving ogre is a good thing I think.
    A father should be loving and kind but show his children who is boss!
  11. Even aside of what the bible says regarding child discipline, kids were better behaved when spanking was allowed in school, than they are today. I was not around back then to know but I DO know that the more liberal society is, the more unruly people become. I was spanked as a child and I admit that there were probably times when I needed it.
  12. Yes, SusyQ,
    I believe children were much more well behaved when I grew up in the 60's.
    My 28 year old daughter called me me 2 years ago to tell me that she is so thankful I was a strict parent and spanked.
    She says it makes her know how much I loved her and it is why she has morals today.
    :) :eek: :)
  13. As the Head of my house we have dinner together and family

    meetings. Set rules, make schedules, pray together. Always strict ,

    never spanked. No R rated movies, no giving kids condoms.

    They got rings for no premarital wrong according to

    God's plan. Talk about a proud Pop. My wife, why she says Sundays

    and Tuesdays not the only time for God. Amen.
  14. Hi SuzieQ9109,

    HOMESCHOOL if you are able. I don't spank, but, if I did I would never allow a school official to spank my children. There are too many perverts out there who would relish in the power of being able to whack a child. Even in the Christian schools. This may be going on a tangent, but, recently there have been two men in their 30's at two different churches that have sexually molested children under their care in Youth Groups. Also, not locally, there was a 25-year-old Sunday School Teacher who became pregnant after she molested a 15-year-old boy. My point being, it's not a good idea to advocate placing physical punishment in the hands of school officials. They don't have the same love as a parent and they may have the wrong intentions.

    If you must send your child to Public or Private School please be as involved as possible. Be a constant helper and become informed about the different forms of child abuse. Let your children's teachers know that you are informed.

    God Bless
  15. Hi Mark,

    This is a good point. Might I add that it's not only R rated movies that are to be in question here. As the one's guiding our children, we should be screening and monitoring what they are watching constantly. A PG film could be just as wrong as an R rated one. Don't be afraid to turn the movie off and discuss with your children why they think it was discontinued. Instead of thinking, "Remember the night Daddy and Mommy freaked out and turned the movie off?" they'll be thinking, "This movie sounds like the other one that had the little boy saying a bad word, let's not watch it".

    Also, teaching our children abstinence is the only way parents. Children are never okay after having pre-marital sex. Guide them, it's not just about protecting their bodies, it's about protecting their emotions and their relationship with God. Schools should never be allowed to hand out birth control. It's the same old story though, putting too much trust in adults outside the family unit.

    Also, inform yourselves about childhood sexual abuse. It happens more frequently than you think. If your child becomes quiet, unruly, or just plain opposite from their usual behavior it may not "just be hormones". Keep the communication lines open. You are a Parent first and foremost, but, please don't be afraid to get to really know your children.

    God Bless
  16. I agree with Wordtime about the schools using corporal punishment.
    They have gone overboard too many times.
    I still think kids were better behaved the further we go back in time though.
    But, SuzieQ, I agree with most of what you say.
    I am glad we can all have this discussion with differences of opinions as "Christians"!
  17. Hi Violet and SuzieQ,

    So true that kids on a whole were better behaved the further we go back. I believe a lot of this has to do with the beginning of our nation. Everything was based on Christian values. Somewhere along the line our nation has forgotten that. What is written on every dollar bill and how long before they remove that too?

    In the present time it's become a sort of "free-for-all" and "everything goes" for children raised in secular families. With all the acceptance aimed at doing whatever you want as long as it doesn't hurt anybody, we now have an all-time high of defiant children. It's hard to comprehend the growing number of middle school and high school children who comtemplate the homosexual lifestyle because it's now become so acceptable by their peers.

    I think we can guide our children and protect them. Pray for them, nuture them. Prepare them for the future.

    God Bless
  18. Worldtime,

    You have a great point about monitoring what our children watch, who they are with, what they do, etc.!

    My family used to get edited movies, but the US courts put those companies out of business. Now we are able to watched edited films through a device. If you care to know about it you can see it on my blog (Mark's blog). But even with profanity, excessive violence and inappropriate sexual scenes cut out you STILL have to monitor what they watch because of very inappropriate world views.

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