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Am I A Bad Friend?

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Jesus Freak, Dec 27, 2013.

  1. Am I a bad friend? I mean, I make friends and we get to know each other and then the friend I make doesn't want to talk to me ever again. Am I that bad where they hate me? I am an honest person, and all that. But it just backfires in my face. What have I done wrong? I would like to know.
  2. #2 Glomung, Dec 27, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 4, 2014
    Sorry friend, but that's hard to know without knowing you (and the situation) much better.

    Some folks have irksome qualities. Some folks try too hard. Some are socially awkward.
    And some just have the ill luck to be around a lot of jerks.

    A comedian once did a routine where he said:
    "My father told me, 'As you go through life there will be people who will not like you, because you're irritating'."
  3. Here is a little about me to better know me:

    I am a 31 year old male who does sometimes get on people's nerves. I try to be blunt, but it backfires because people hate the truth. I am an honest person most of the time.

    There is no situation. Just the fact I meet people online and we email for a while and then don't cause one of us may have said something that hurt the other. I have a couple email buddies that I email, and that's it.

    Must be I'm not that good of a friend. Who knows.
  4. That helps a little. An old saying is that "to have friends you must be a friend".
    Friends are often not too liberal with the truth. In other words, just because something is true does
    not make it prudent. Be easy going, a light touch does better than any heavy handed devotion to "the truth".
    i.e. Just because your dates' hairdo (or dress) is hideous does not give you the right to tell her so.
  5. There is nothing like being face to face. To see expressions and body language. Even just a bump of the shoulders together or a pat on the back. What I like to call human contact.

    You won't find that on the internet, or via your phone.

    Ya gotta get out there! Either your church gatherings, family, what ever.

    People tend to get distant easy when their not in close contact. Sad, but true IMO.

    People also have a tendency to back off when another seems to anxious to be 'friends'.

    I guess they feel it's going to take too much of them, I dunno.

    Perhaps try this, just a suggestion, be mysterious. Be confident. Be comfortable with yourself.

    You have the answer. God Almighty, His love, and Messiah Jesus.

    I can't wait to bump shoulders with you, Dana, as we continue on in a love that can only originate from our Creator.

    You inspire me Dana, and I, myself, am blessed by your 'spunk'.

    Thank you, thank you very much.
  6. So you're saying that I need to not be blunt at all? I will try. It's not going to be easy.
  7. People don't want to hear the truth, I'm afraid.

    They get self centered.

    But an air of intrigue will draw them toward you.

    A favorite word of mine is, Anticipation, the longing for something.

    Consider that just a moment.
  8. I know and understand what it's like to be on Fire for the Lord God Almighty, but inherently it isn't in 'Man' to yearn for that since the fall of Adam.

  9. What does this have to do with me being a bad friend?
  10. I was assuming by your statement about being blunt and truth, that you were talking or 'witnessing' to others. And if so, people generally shy away from talking about God, the bible, etc.

  11. When I say being blunt, I mean that I tell the truth about someone and they usually don't like that.

    As an example ONLY: if I were to say you are stupid, I would be blunt. But you're not. Cause I don't know you real well. Anyway, just take what I said as an example. Don't take it literally.
  12. I am sorry, so the example is how you interact with others? by telling them they are stupid if you think they are?

    I don't know what your life history is, I find it interesting you would be "blunt" in this manner

    most people wont do that, it just fell somewhat out side social norm I think

    unless you are talking about the social norm of the definition of being a real jerk.....

    I am trying to help btw....

    seriously, if that is how you interact with people, you definitely wont have many friends, if any.

    but like I said, I don't know your life history, there could be more to this.....
  13. I did not say that I call people stupid. That was just an example of being blunt to somebody. I would never call anyone stupid though. I am not a real jerk. It's just sometimes I feel like people look at me that way. Do you get it now?
  14. It thinkt it is simple math if you say things like -1 -1 -1, you will give one a headache, your message will be useless…

    People at least have +1 to say....

    Say it in way like +1, then -1, then +1 , -2, then +1, -3…

    In short, make a soft landing, people have feelings, I hope you realize that : )

    You know what, you have a good point (+1), but really it sucks (-2) : )

    That is an extreme example only : )
  15. I do understand people have feelings. I was taught that when you are going to be blunt, you don't say, "I'm sorry." But I am not going to be blunt anymore.
  16. Here is a little about me to hopefully help you guys.

    I am a low vision person, and I have mostly blind friends I talk to. I have one that does get annoying sometimes and I have learned to accept him for who he is. But I did have an ex friend who was sooooo hurtful that I ended the friendship. And I mainly talk to some of my former Facebook friends through email. So, again, am I a bad friend?
  17. #17 KingJ, Dec 30, 2013
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2013
    Who cares? You / We are not down here on this earth to make friends. The guy next to me is either my enemy (of his father the devil) or my brother in Christ. If we speak to an unsaved person we should always try get in the spirit of God before we open our mouths. Speaking bluntly may not always be the best route. The word of God is a two edged sword, if you / we can't wield it with skill keep it sheathed until you can.

    Being saved enables us to see things clearly. If I knew you I could be blunt about many truths / flaws of yours. But if it won't bring you closer to the Lord or build you up I better shut up before I become guilty of Luke 17:2.
  18. If being your friend is hard work and unpleasant, people will tend to shy away. If your honesty and blunt "truth telling" focus on the negative, people find that unpleasant. I haven't yet gotten a good sense of how you talk with people, but if it is true that they soon don't want to talk to you, and you suspect they may even hate you; if that is a common experience, then you're doing something wrong. That doesn't necessarily make you a bad friend, but it sounds as if your communications and/or relational skills could use some work.

    Here's another thought to mull over. Maybe it's not that people don't want to hear the truth. Perhaps it's that they are all too aware of some truths and, rather than needing to be reminded of an unpleasant truth, need encouragement instead.
    dUmPsTeR and Jesus Freak say Amen and like this.
  19. Ok Rumely, I will encourage my friends from now on.
  20. you know, it would be helpful for you to give two or three concrete specific example of what you think you did wrong, or better still, talk to some of your ex friends ( if possible) and humbly ask them what you did that offended them so much, and come back and share the feedbacks with us....

    In that way, we could give you better advice.

    I personally think that there is time and place for everything it is not so much about whether you are blunt or not, but it is more about whether it is right for the specific situations.

    anyway, Christ tells us to tell truth in 'LOVE".

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