Part 2- Sharing Lesson
We went to sleep that night. The next morning, we went to breakfast, he was off in a zone, I said earth to Bernie- he said he was there but he was thinking of last night’s conversation. I said can we talk about it when we get home? When we got home, we got busy snowblowing the neighbor’s drive as we walked up the street, he said you know I do love you. We had dinner that night with the neighbor’s. When we got home and sat down to cigar time, I said you asked me why I would ask such a thing of you. It was at that moment that the past 46 years of my life poured out in pain.
I relived every untrust and betrayal that had happened to me in past relationships. It was then that I confessed, yes I look at your cell phone. I look to see who has called you, and who you are calling. Yes I see where you have called her, the unknown woman. The one who you told me, you would not call. He did not deny it. He stated she had called due to a lump found and she was scared. I cried in pain. I told him of what all the other men in my life had done to me. I looked at him through my tears and said all I ever wanted was to be loved! I wanted to be accepted. I wanted someone to love me. I looked at him and asked for forgiveness, he said you know it is easy to forgive and he was silent for a long time. I knew what he was thinking, it is easy to forgive, but do we ever forget? We prayed. I knew in my heart we cannot judge one another that we are taught by the word to love one another. We cannot show impartiality.
As we arose the next morning to go to the Lord’s house, the message started with a video of a man sitting in the aiport with luggage coming down from the plane, he talked about betrayal and hurts in life. As the video ended, Pastor Rob walked across the stage pulling a suitcase behind him, he looked out to the filled church and spoke “ how many of you sitting here today have past hurts, pains and feelings of betrayal?” How many of you can relate whether it been a spouse who hurt you? whether it have been a friend? “ and the list when on. He spoke you are not alone. Jesus was betrayed as well. Peter denied him three times. Even though Jesus was denied, he took the beatings. As the message went on, the Pastor walked over to the cross on stage and stated “ you no longer need to carry your baggage of hurts, pain and betrayal, leave them at the cross. Jesus died for you. He died to take all your hurts, pain and betrayal. As he dropped that suitcase at that cross, he stated it about having faith. Faith is not something that one can just say “ I have faith and life will be fine”, no it is a moment by moment walk with Jesus. Turning to him and having faith and trust in him. He can and has saved you. As I sat there in tears from the beginning of the message, I finally got it! God showed me what love and trust and faith was all about. Yes, the pastor said people will continue to betray us. They will continue to hurt us, but with Jesus, we can give this to him. Have faith and walk with him.
Oh what a cleansing it was. I had told God last week, that I was tired of getting up every morning feeling the way that I did with hidden sins heavy in my heart. I did not want to go on pretending anymore that all was ok. I did not want to go forward in my life anymore feeling the way I felt. Here all along, I kept feeling I could not trust. That no one was loving me the way I needed to loved. All along God wanted me to see it was him and is him that truly loves me. He will provide all I need. As I turn and have a relationship with him first and foremost, blessings will flow upon me.
Monday morning, I went back to the facility that offered me the position. I got to tour the facility. I prayed to the Lord, that if it is from you, have the gate be wide open. It was an awesome morning. The offer was even better than the first, plus they could provide temporary housing for me until I was able to relocate. I told God it was not about the money. It was his path for me that I sought. I left there to travel back home to have my procedure to check for cervical cancer. I prayed with the doctor before she did my procedure. I said Lord I give you all praises and thanks ! You are an awesome God. I am so thankful you led me to sexual purity and I sit here before you today Lord. We pray that there be no abnormality within my body, if there is dear Lord, we know you will handle it for me. She prepared me for the exam. As she examined me, I was in continuous prayer. I asked Jesus to take the pain for me. I only felt 10 seconds of pain throughout it all.
She completed the exam. She spoke “ I do not see any abnormality to the naked eye. I took some scrapings and took a sample from the inside of the cervix. We will send that off and hopefully all will be normal.”. I cannot begin to tell you how I felt! God is awesome! I gave thanks and praise to him! I wanted to shout to the world and I did as I was driving home. With such a cleansing of all fears and relief, I cried and gave thanks!
So there you have my journey of this past week-end. There is my lesson from God.
As I wrote this morning, I turned from the computer and got down on my knees and I cried once again! This time with tears of joy! I thanked God! I told him how awesome he was! I told him he has my heart, he has my whole being and to please guide me and use me as he wants to. The next step of my journey is to await the letter of intent from my new employer. Once I receive that, I will give notice. Upon doing this, I look forward with expectation as to how God will direct me. I know with all of this victory, Satan will come knocking really hard and powerful, because he does not want me to win the battle.
But God is so much stronger than Satan. He has Satan on a short leash. He will not allow Satan to tempt me any more than what his will for me is. God does and will provide a way out of temptation that comes my way and for that I am so thankful!
Glory and praise to our Lord Jesus Christ! He has risen ! He has risen indeed. One day he will come again, and it is awesome to know I am continuing on his journey to be ready for that day!
Faithwoman
Ok there you have my Lesson From God.. What a cleansing it has been.
I have been forgiven for it all. How mighty awesome is that!