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Your views on initially pursuing a relationship?

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by IHeartLarrytheCucumber, Sep 14, 2008.

  1. Your views on initially pursuing a relationship?

    My (Christian) female friends always tell me that I should never be the one to make the first move in starting a relationship because I'm the girl. What do you think God thinks about this? Do you think this is the way He meant it-for a man to pursue?

    I kind of understand where they're coming from. I joined a Christian dating site and if I'm the one to contact the man, and he "shoots me down" as they say, I get slightly hurt cause I'm so darn sensitive sometimes! I wonder if this is how guys feel as well. Just wondering what the difference is. My friends feel strongly about me not pursuing. What are your thoughts?
     
  2. Hi...(I never know what to call you....maybe "larry lover"?...:confused:)
    I believe this is true: I only have one scripture for you to consider and at first it may not appear to apply...look a little deeper...

    Timothy 2:12
    But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

    I really have always thought of this in context of women teaching in the church but I believe that it applies to all relationships between men and women...

    I believe that they do feel rejected but probably in a little different way because God created them to endure it better (they may not think so) because they were created to be "the aggressor"... ;)

    What do you think BROTHERS???? Help us out here!
     
  3. Thanks Worshipper! (BTW-You can call me IHL or message me and I'll tell you my name!)
     
  4. i duno i have absolutly no problem with a woman asking me out i really dont see why it has to be up to the man to take the first step. as for how a guy feels when he gets turnd down after asking a girl out it hurts bad and the more you like the girl the worse it hurts. i dont think it has any thing to do with being sensitive or any thing like that it is just human nature to want to be accepted and loved and when your turned down that is the exact opposite.
     
  5. I struggle with this a little bit too.

    In the old testament, didn't Ruth "make a move" on Boaz? Lying by his feet to show her intentions to him is surely a sign of a female initiating things? I guess the issue here is that she didn't actually make it happen, she just allowed Boaz to take charge. Perhaps thats more our role as women of God, to encourage the Men in our lives to step up and make it happen?
     
  6. Speaking in general terms....

    The man should do the chasing. My thought is, if the man isn't willing to put any effort into starting a relationship (and when we do the chasing they don't have to) then how am I supposed to expect him to put any effort in to making to work????

    I am going to demonstrate how times have changed and ruined dating for us all:

    This is how it worked when I was young. I walk in the bar sit down and order a drink. (I don't frequent bars anymore) When the bartender brings me the drink he tells me who paid for it, I thank him without getting up...just a smile and nod. Then I wait, occassionally glancing over at him - if I'm interested - until he gets the courage to come and talk to me.
    If I have to buy my own first drink, I scan the bar, and when I find the guy I want to talk to, I wait til he looks at me and I smile at him, not too long...but just long enough to plant the idea in his head!!!!

    This is how it works today, women take the initiative and men take them for granted.

    The problem with dating sites, imo, is the men don't have to put forth any effort. They have a menu of women to choose from and get overwhelmed with all the choices. They can't make up their minds and they go from one to the next. Women are contacting them so they don't have to contact you.

    MY ADVICE
    I don't think online dating is a good idea, but if that's what you want to do, don't directly contact the guy. Instead, click on his profile to let him know you viewed it. That should plant the idea in his head, you might be interested and he may contact you. If he doesn't, click again a couple days later. It will seem less risky to him if he thinks you're interested, but still leaves making the first move up to him.

    It's not easy dating these days. At least not for me.... I don't know where to go to meet mature, single men.
    The moral decline in our society makes it hard to find someone decent.
     
  7. Couldn't agree more, Ginger!
     
  8. Well, it's been a roller coaster ride for me. At first I thought, "I'm 51, and still have four children living at home - no one will be interested in me.
    Then I went out with my niece and got hit on by a twenty-year-old. Although not at all interested in dating a child, I thought, "Wow I can still turn a few heads"
    Then I realized it's the "Cougar Fad" I went from irresistable to novelty in less than ten seconds! LOL

    From there it only got worse...... :eek:
     
  9. Oh no!
    But I must say from your profile pic you don't look 51!
     
  10. Thank you! Dim lighting helps. lol
    That pic is from last year and I was ready to go out. I should maybe put up a new one....I think I will!
     
  11. Aha! Current photo up.

    Now, back on topic......
     
  12. No, you're still looking great!!!!
    Now back to topic.......:p
     
  13. i'm giggling in front of my screen.................... nice one, Ginger!

    and btw, i agree with Natty! :)
     

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