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You might be a Redneck if...

Discussion in 'Humor' started by NearertoGod, May 20, 2008.

  1. You might be a Redneck if...

    You think Sherlock Holmes is a housing project down in Biloxi.

    Your house still has "WIDE LOAD" on the back.

    You got stopped by a state trooper. He asked if you had an I.D. And you replied, "'Bout What?"

    You think a Quarter Horse is a ride out in front of Wal Mart

    ^P.S. - It's actually a real breed. :D

    Your hunting dog had a litter of puppies in the middle of the living room floor and nobody noticed.

    You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.

    The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors.

    Your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed.

    You think fast food is hitting a opossum at 65 miles per hour.

    You use a weedeater in your living room.

    You consider your license plate "personalized" because you're dad made it in prison.

    Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.

    Down where you came from, reruns of "Hee Haw" are called documentaries.

    The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

    You've been on TV more than three times describing the sound of a tornado.

    The beer can collection is the big tourist attraction.

  2. Now, just a dog gone minute, thar, y'all... I resemble them remarks...


    Y'all Might Be a Redneck -

    ... if just before bed, ya brush yer tooth.

    ... if ya go to a family reunion to pick up chicks.

    ... if yer buddy just bought a new house and y'all have ta go help him take the wheels off.

    ... if yer Mama was told by the Doc ta quit smokin', so she took up chewing Skoal.

    ... if yer wife just had her ninth youngin' and ya brought her a six pack of Coors over at the clinic ta celebrate.

    ... if yer moonshine runnin' 1952 Studebaker has one more Revenewer bullet hole in the trunk after last night's run.

    ... if ya get arrested fer killin' and eatin' a Federally protected migratory Loon - the Judge takes ya aside and asks what it really tastes like and ya tell him, "it tastes just like Eagle".

    ... if y'all got more dogs on yer front porch then there are pickup trucks in yer front yard.

    ... if when yer cousin and her husband come over fer a visit, y'all can't tell who's who and the theme song from 'Deliverance' starts playing all by itself on the radio.

    ... if y'all think that the County Seat is located in the outhouse next ta the courthouse.

    ... if yer brother Billy Bob gets arrested fer drunk and disorderly and HE's the Sheriff.

    ... if yer bluejeans got more holes in 'em than that road sign that y'all shot up with yer 12 gauge.

    ... if ya went ta yer grade school graduation and yer Dad was in the line ta pick up diplomas just ahead of ya.

    ... if y'all have more reverence fer God than any dozen of them stuck up city folks who just don't care.
  3. Mansion for redneck
  4. Our walmart horse is an appy-loosa LOL.
  5. "You think fast food is hitting a opossum at 65 miles per hour."
    :pIt isn't???:D:eek:
  6. 65 will work… but 75 will tenderize it. :D
  7. You might be a redneck if you have so many refridgerators on your front porch, that people think you're having a yard sale.

    You might be a redneck if you mow your front yard and discover three more vehicles.

    You might be a redneck if your wife asks you to move the transmission so she can take a bath.

    You might be a redneck if you think dynamite is an acceptible tool for fishing.
  8. :D:D:eek::)

    You might be a redneck if your hunting dog cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

    You might be a redneck if you have to "dress up" just to go to Wal Mart.

    You might be a redneck if your house rolls on wheels, and it arrived on a truckbed.
  9. You might also be a redneck if...

    Your idea of home entertainment is shooting your neighbor's tires.

    You think Christopher Columbus was from South America.

    You think Paula Dean is the country equivalent of Donald Trump.

    You wash your clothes in a big bucket with a stick.

    Your television set has fifty antennas.

    You don't light candles in the bathroom because if you strike a match, the whole house will explode in flames.

    Your uncle makes his own "suits" which is a jean jacket, a shirt he wears to the bar, some ratty sneakers, a toothpick, and some shorts.

    You think China is on top of the world.

    You think sushi is a piece of paper and meat stuck together.

    Your mother still has recordings of you on the local news coming out of the Dollar store.

    You call airplanes "cars with wings".

    You think your great grandfather came from Britain, but he was really from Alabama.
  10. Good ones Guys.....:D
  11. You might be a redneck if...

    You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

    You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

    More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.

    You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.

    The primary color of your car is "bondo."

    The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!" "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin?" (If they respond with the same... they're a redneck too!)
  12. Redneck tree house
  13. Redneck Storm-Shelter
  14. sure signs you might be a red neck



  15. Top 10 Ways to know if you are using a Redneck's Computer...
    10. The monitor is up on little blocks.
    9. Outgoing faxes have toebacky stains on them.
    8. The six front keys have rotted out.
    7. The extra RAM slots have Ford truck parts stored in them.
    6. The numeric keypad only goes up to four.
    5. Every password is "Bubba."
    4. There's a gun rack mounted on the side of the computer.
    3. There's a Skoal can used for your beverage coaster.
    2. The keyboard is painted in camouflage.
    AND the number 1 way to tell if a Redneck has been working on a computer
    1. The mouse is referred to as the "critter."
  16. O.k. Bo....... Time to reve up the RV and take a trip - fully equipped redneck RV
  17. [​IMG]
    P.S. No offense to home schoolers. I think it is great to home school.
  18. I was just waiting for someone to say something like, "Hey bo" or equivalent. North Carolina's favorite greeting... :D

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