You Can't Fix Stupid

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Dusty, Sep 3, 2010.

  1. You Can't Fix Stupid

    ACTUAL 'CALL CENTER' CALLS . . .




    Customer: 'I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?'
    Operator: 'Where did you get that number, sir?'
    Customer: 'It's on the door of your business.'
    Operator: 'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.'



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    Samsung Electronics Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
    Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.'
    Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
    Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.'


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    Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe) 'If I register my car in France, and then take it to England, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'


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    Directory Enquiries

    Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please'
    Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?'
    Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B'fell off.'


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    Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.

    Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
    Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland.'


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    On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.'


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    Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'
    Customer: 'OK.'
    Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'
    Customer: 'No.'
    Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?
    Customer: 'No.'
    Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'
    Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.'

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    Tech Support: 'OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
    Customer: 'Wow! How can you see my screen from there?'

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    Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?'


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    This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Help line, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.' Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations:


    Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?
    Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
    Operator: 'What sort of trouble??
    Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
    Operator: 'Went away?'
    Caller: 'They disappeared.'
    Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'
    Caller: 'Nothing.'
    Operator: 'Nothing??'
    Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
    Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
    Caller: 'How do I tell?'
    Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen??'
    Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
    Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
    Caller: 'There isn't any cursor:I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
    Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
    Caller: 'What's a monitor?
    Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??
    Caller: 'I don't know.
    Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
    Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
    Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall...
    Caller: 'Yes, it is..'
    Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
    Caller: 'No.'
    Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
    Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
    Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
    Caller: 'I can't reach.'
    Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is??'
    Caller: 'No..'
    Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
    Caller: Well,it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'
    Operator: 'Dark??'
    Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.'
    Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
    Caller: 'I can't.'
    Operator: 'No? Why not??'
    Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
    Operator: 'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and
    packing hat your computer came in??'

    Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
    Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
    Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
    Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
    Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
    Operator: 'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!'
     
  2. Lol, These are Great!

    I have been on the other end of some pretty bad calls before. I few years back I had worked at a furniture store and had to make dreaded collection calls. Praise the Lord I am not longer having to do that!
     
  3. :smiley10:
     
  4. I recall in the call centre i work at a customer said he faxed in a cheque and asked why we hadn't cashed it .. it was really hard to keep a straight face ..
     
  5. I can understand why the operator was fired for the last joke. She/he did insult the customer. Which is never okay.

    My favorites are the first one and this one:


    Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'
    Customer: 'OK.'
    Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'
    Customer: 'No.'
    Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?
    Customer: 'No.'
    Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done upuntil this point?'
    Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.'
     

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