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Wrong love

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by OldSinner, Dec 9, 2014.

  1. I am a married, born again Christian man. I work as a chief executive in a mid-size company and I am in love with one of my employees without the one - or anyone else - to know. She is married and not a Christian, but that is not the point here.

    This all is just in my head and heart, but it is so overwhelming it is partly ruining my life. I cannot get her off my mind. The situation has continued for few years now. I have prayed for release on this matter for years, but it just seems to get worse. I am desperately in love with her, even thought I know, that we are so different, this love would hardly make sense even if we both would be available. Luckily its love only - I feel no lust. Strange but true.

    So, I am in love with a married, non-christian woman who I could hardly come along in a real life. But in my mind and heart I miss her so much, it literaly hurts. She occupies my mind and steals my attention from my own wife and other normal issues in life.

    I have made a judgement, that these thoughts and feelings are sin and should go away. Even though it is just love and no lust, it is something that comes in between of me and my wife. And she is married to another man. It cannot be right.

    She is an excellent worker, an outstanding manager. She works in a narrow field - I cannot reposition her. We have to solve some issues together a few times a week. They are allways professional events, nothing too personal has ever happened or been said. I suppose she has no feelings for me, which is good. This is my problem only. She might be sensing something, which is not good. Nobody should have to work in a situation feeling that the boss has some thoughts or desires the one should not have.

    I often try to avoid her. That is not practical. She is also very sensitive about her professional position and easily feels she has been on side track for no reason.

    There are problems with my marriage which may have made me vulnerable to these thoughts. My wife is mentally unstable with fairly regular psycotic behaviour. It is a very heavy relationship wearing us both out, however, I am not considering leaving her. That just would not be right. And that is regardless of the problem I am writing about.

    How can I get the wrong love off my mind? Years of praying has not helped. At least, that has not yet helped.
  2. When you say she is married, she is married to another man and still in the relationship right?

    Just remember.. There can be no excuses for sin! Sin is certainly enticing and makes the flesh feel good (temporarily). Have you prayed about it? I would suggest fasting prayer. Not to try and starve yourself. But more to have the focus on God and nothing else. Lock up yourself in a room, on your knees with a sincere heart! You cannot come out of this on your own, that is for sure.
  3. Yes, she is married to another man and in a relationship with that man, her husband. There is no relationship between me and her. This is all just in my head.

    I strongly agree that there is no excuse for sin. However, as she probably does not have similar feelings, the sin is not very likely. What would be more likely, is that in a long run I would make a fool of myself and hurt my own marriage and career. That is why I feel I need to get her off my mind. I have prayed about this for years - but she is still on my mind. On the very top of my mind. Without anyone to know - including her.
  4. How much time do you spend in the word?
  5. Not enough. I go to my church every Sunday, sometimes during the week. However, its rather a random event than a frequent activity to read the Bible. I will have to make that a regular practice again.
  6. You have allowed yourself to fall in love with her. Sure you may have good reasons. But STOP right NOW!

    God HATES this. He had people STONED to death OT for adultery for a reason.

    Hang in there. Be a Christian and grasp that Christianity 101 is NOT living for ourselves or trying to find a good life for ourselves...it is doing what pleases God. We cannot always see the worms, but God can Matt 16:25 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.

    If your wife sticks with you as a Christian. She sticks with Jesus = she loves Jesus. Anyone that loves and respects scripture / God / Jesus...IE marriage has valid hope of better times / God's blessing on their lives. God's blessing is everything!

    Those worms are there, I am surprised as a Christian you can be so naïve....no offence. Kick yourself hard for allowing yourself to fall in love with her. Preach scripture on adultery and commitment to marriage the next time you see her. The feelings will start to go! Unless you are ashamed of scripture / love her more then Jesus.......
  7. I take your word for it, no lust..

    just a suggestion: try to scatter your love I think, you can love the messenger guy, the photocopier, the cleaner, even the
    other male/female employees : )

    IMO: similar to Faith: that is contrary to physical laws: The more we give out (Love) the more we will have (Love)…..

    And I think Love does not Control us or kinda a "it's in the mind" problem…

    That is: Love does not control us… BUT we can control whom we can Love…

    Matthew 5:43-48New King James Version (NKJV)
    Love Your Enemies
    43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor[a] and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,[b] 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet your brethren[c] only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors[d] do so? 48 Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.
  8. 2nd Timothy 2:25 has a really big impact on me personally. It's one that I frequently have to go back and read....
    "..if God perhaps will grant them repentance..."

    We often do not think that God is the ONLY one who grants true repentance. We think that through our own fortitude, strength of character, and willpower - WE can overcome our sinful nature by ourselves. This is simply NOT the case. Neither you, nor I have the power to OVERCOME our own sinful nature. Only God can grant that power to achieve Repentance and become Overcoming.

    What we don't often grasp is that moving from self willed Narcissism and Hedonism to self willed Morality, Stoicism, Asceticism is ONLY moving from One flavor of Self Will to ANOTHER flavor of Self Will.... It's not a move from Flesh to God - simply from Self to Self.....

    There comes a time when we realize that our own strength is simply not enough. We have to lean HARD upon the Sovreign Power and Strength of God Himself... and we have to make it a point to DO this.

    I would suggest prayer and fasting as a start. Go before God and fully confess what is in your own heart. Confess your own desire and behavior. Confess before God that you are WEAK and that you recognize that you do NOT have the power within yourself to achieve true Repentance - that Repentance can only come through Him.

    That's Part 1.

    Part 2 is: 1st Corinthians 10:13
    No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

    SEARCH out the way of Escape.... Pray to God that He reveals the Way of Escape.. My own personal opinion is that your "Way of Escape" is to foster and strengthen the relationship with your own wife.. Pour resources into this relationship. Go before God with Prayer and Fasting that God will strengthen your relationship with your wife. It WILL provide a way of escape.... You NEED that way of escape as a way to "Bear" the temptation that is set before you.... and you MUST USE that way of escape!

    Jeepgurl775 likes this.
  9. Can an athlete go days without eating and still be successful? My suggestion would be to fill your mind with the word of God daily, and pray to God daily. It might help.
  10. Leave the job....

    Genesis 39
    11 One day he went into the house to attend to his duties, and none of the household servants was inside. 12 She caught him by his cloak and said, “Come to bed with me!” But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house.
    xspinningisfun, KingJ and Robine says Amen and like this.
  11. First off, I am sorry. It is a rotten place you are in. You know yourself the answer, the solution to the matter. Be strong in The Lord and do what you know is right.
  12. Sounds to me that you should pray for your wife. Your wife needs to be healed. If your most loved one is not okay and you miss her compassion in your life, it's no wonder you start to seek comfort from outside world. By your own words you are very strong in spirit as you haven't deceived your other half after all this long struggle. I'm sure you have prayed for your wife's health, but please pray even more for her well being than your own. If your other half is happy, you yourself will be aswell. You are one.

    Be loved.
    JG27_chili likes this.
  13. Sure he has deceived his other half. He fell in love with someone else.
  14. But can you really control something like that to be honest? Even though some would be able to, most christians cannot. Don't judge.
  15. He claimed to be a Christian so as a Christian I do have a right to judge him and he has the right to judge me.
  16. And yes you can control something like that. He made the decision to fall in love with her. He needs to ask for forgiveness from his wife and the other woman.
  17. Really? He already told us his wife suffers emotionally/mentally, How could this have any hope of helping? And as to the other woman, I think he needs to keep her from knowing his feelings as she might try to use this against him in any number of ways.
    I understand there are times to take the road less traveled, but I see no advantage in sharing the feelings now with either woman. He does, however need to figure how to remove himself from the temptation he is falling to.
  18. Weak and undernourshied spirit man= flesh and desire controling life.

    This is why we are told to cast down every thought and imagination that exalts itself against the knowledge of Christ. We don't, then these things happen.

    The land of confusion is like this. Being with her in your mind is far better than the real thing will ever be. That is the thing about being self decieved. If you ever got the affliction of your desire all things change, and not for good. How you feel about the new women, everything. I think it was TAmera in the bible that experienced this. I can't flip to a bible on tablet.

    Thing is, you already built a fantasy world that is not even real and it's going to take shutting down every thought that comes your way about this matter. This is how the devil operates, subtil, then shows us desires.

    Those desires build, but we can't have that desire. It might put us in Jail, ruin our marriage, get us killed, but a desire unfullfilled is torment in the worse way.

    You did it to yourself, now you have to undo it.

    The stray cat might meow at the door and you tell it to go away, but give it some tuna because it' hungry. It leaves, but..............

    a couple days latter it's back, meowing again. You wonder if it has a owner and it still must be hungry so you give it more tuna.

    It goes away, but comes back the next night looking even more helpless and in need. So, another can of tuna then you tell it to get!!!

    Let me tell you, it won't be long before you own a cat you never intended to have.
    Lanolin likes this.
  19. It is not lust, as you say, it is coveting.

    You want what you cant have. Repent of coveting.
    I find that if we name the sin, and are honest about it, and cast out that demon from our lives, it will not come back. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Dont be self deceived about this. We can use Jesus name to do this, cos we obviously cannot on out own strength.

    There is a time to pray but there also comes a time when we need to take action and cast out demons. Jesus has given us the authority as a believer to do this. Dont get mad at God, or yourself, get mad at the devil for tempting you. If youve been fasting it will be much easier. Lots of believers neglect the fasting part. Its terrible, and then they wonder why they cant get victory. Do what Jesus instructs.
  20. Then he is deceiving himself and the two women. I guess you don't believe in honesty. And the hope is in Jesus Christ not dishonesty.

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