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Writing A Memoir

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Brother Edward, Apr 12, 2013.

  1. I've started a memoir to show people how I ended up religiously the way I am. Part of this memoir, however, requires retelling some very painful aspects of my childhood past. I find that as I write about them, emotionally, I am reliving them, and I end up as confused and axiety-ridden as I was when I was a child. It feels like it's destroying me.

    I think I'm supposed to write the memoir; I'm pretty sure it's what God wants me to do in Christ--but it's killing me, and I don't know what to do.

    Any advice?
  2. I am going to write a memoir as well.

    Have you gone through therapy? Specifically therapy for drama? DBT? If not, you will find yourself in a bad position and going down the same emotional pathways you once did. I highly recommend you get spiritual counseling or else you will end up in a deep depression or utilizing another avenue to overcome the intense feelings that will begin to surface. If you feel its what God is calling you to do, great. Go for it! However, you have to be in the right state of mind. Good luck.
  3. Bro Ed, you might find writing down how you feel as though you were writing a letter to those who caused you so much pain in the past helpful. That would be different from just writing your memoirs, even if the source of your pain is dead now.

    "Dear uncle Bob, you recall so and so? Do you have any idea how hurtful that was for me? But now that I have grown, I an taking control of my life back and neither you nor the memory of you are able to harm me any more. You need to rid yourself of the guilt associated with your actions and seek to try to make something at least half decent of yourself if that were even possible.
    Your triumphant nephew,
    Of course I'm just imagining what the source of your hurt is...it doesn't really need to be detailed here, I'm just sharing a device that I have found helpful......my letters are a lot more colorful though.
    My point is that as an adult dealing with childhood issues, you should be able to cope. If you aren't, no shame, but there is a lot of built up pain that needs to be dealt with.
    Hope this helps in some way.
  4. This is excellant advice calvin!!

    It goes both to taking responsibility for ones own life and the element of forgivness.

    Good stuff and I hope our brother Ed and tink will use this advice.
  5. Thank you both for the advice (Tink and Calvin).

    Tink, you said you were going to write a memoir, what will it be about?
  6. My life. ;)
  7. This is "pretty" advice, but not feasible. Sorry Calv and Major, I have to greatly disagree with you two here, and my sincerest apologies if I'm completely misinterpreting your post, Calv.

    I have extensive studies in Psychology and Psychiatry. Therapy is necessary for those who have gone through trauma, and even still, it takes a lifetime to completely overcome it (in other words, you will have more "good" days, but the trauma will always eat at you a tiny bit. It has created who you are today and your temperament, especially if you were young when it happened). If it was as simple as writing a letter to someone and saying "I forgive you", then there would be no point in therapy. Furthermore, why would churches offer biblical counseling? There is a reason God provided those who have had difficult lives with therapeutic resources...because they help and save lives. It takes an extremely strong person to overcome trauma by themselves.

    What you are mentioning Calv, is something you do down the road in therapy, but it's done in a safe setting where one can involve another and talk through those feelings. It's not typically healthy for one to become absorbed in intense feelings themselves. I've seen it happen far too many times and it leads to nothing good.

    Hope this makes sense.:love:
  8. Brother Ed, I want you to feel validated here...the emotions you are having are normal, but if you cannot even write a page without feeling anger, hurt, or frustration, you should deal with that first. I believe it will help you write better as well.
  9. Another things (Clearly you can see I'm passionate about this ;)) When I was in a clinic for my ED for 3 months (which they typically recommend a year, but health insurance for ED is horrible), they would not even delve into my trauma. Why? because they felt I needed to be completely recovered before they begin.

    After my ED treatment I saw a therapist for nearly 1.5 years. It wasn't until a year after I saw her that I finally felt comfortable enough bringing up issues in the past. It was at that point, where she even told me she was afraid of going there, and asked several times "are you sure you want to do this?" Bringing up trauma, whether alone or with someone else, is hard. It's wonderful if you have gone through such things and overcame them. Absolutely fabulous. For most, people however, it's not that easy...

    Like my mom said to me, "I don't understand why you just can't stop (my ED). I smoked for 25 years and quit cold turkey."

    There aren't many people like my mother; she's one tough cookie.
  10. Harrumph.:) Did you mis interpret my post? maybe, maybe not.
    Tink, the problem here is that there is 'no one on one' thing available. I was just sort of sharing what I personally have done and benefited from.
    For me it has worked, for another it might not. I have no idea what Ed's past trauma involved, and you might be very correct in what you say. Me, personally I have never had therapy......(maybe that's my trouble :( ).
    The things that have happened to me in the past..how can I compare them severity wise to the things that happen to others? I can't. What I avoid at all cost is to say to someone that their problem is 'just a storm in a tea cup'....I hate that dismissive attitude. Ever been a tea leaf in a cup when the storm is raging?...it is very rough going.
    But to get back on track, I am not attempting to suggest that Calvin's 'cure all' is the way to go for every one, or for every occasion. As I said, I'm just sharing what I have found useful in my life.
    Just on another matter Tink, I hope you are not going to wear that skimpy dress for your baptism:whistle:
  11. Certainly it is not easy and I sincerely apologize if I made it sound easy.
    Tink, that is another thing we have in common. I was a smoker for 25 years and quit cold turkey too.
    Funny thing is I'm less tolerant now of people smoking near me than I was before I started smoking. Do you find that?
    Well probably 'like Mother like Daughter'.....we never see ourselves as others do.
  12. OK, sorry about that, I thought maybe you were saying that other avenues weren't as important or necessary.

    I used to feel the same way and still do. It's always good to compare to the rest of the world where things are much worse! At the same time, however, we should address our problems and not invalidate them, because they do matter and when you "stuff" feelings inside you just make things worse.

    Sorry Calv and thank you for clarifying!

    No low blows mister! :p Definitely not wearing that for a baptism. I've got pants and a long baggy shirt with a tank top underneath for that special day.:)
  13. Crazy! Congrats! You and my mother are both "tough cookies" ;) I am quite resilient as well, but giving up something cold turkey appears mightily difficult.
  14. Oh Drat! I misread your post Tink...I thought it was you who quit smoking...sorry.
  15. Well I would have been a 4 year old gal when I started ;)
  16. I told you before....I'm not always the sharpest paw in the claw...besides sadly I've seen a 3yo smoking...mum and dad think it is funny.:cry:
  17. Calv, I think you're quite brilliant and I'm sure many would agree.:cool:

    Yes, that's absolutely horrible. Worse, parents blowing pot smoke in their child's face.
  18. Yep........my dad smoked for 50 years and now I have COPD from it. Not pot, just regular old cancer spreading tobacco.
  19. Does that mean you are a tiger???? (Claw...Paw) B:):)M!
  20. "Sharpest paw in the claw" LOVE IT!

    No worries Calv, I think I took down my age on here so I can understand :)

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