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would you still be friends with someone if...

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by autumn oddity, Apr 8, 2016.

  1. There life continued to get better and better..while yours got worse?

    I've contemplated, letting go of a good friend BC I simply cant take it. Its not that I dont want him to be happy... I just wish we both had good lives..it hurts me to see how much his life improved and mines got worse..

    And before u judge, I have been trying...i just haven't been as lucky as him..

    I feel like a horrible person to let him go...but I honestly saddens me to depression...bc I feel I have outside forces working against me... I just feel I have more obstacles than normal.

    I feel like a horrible person
    ....but I just dont want to feel miserable anymore...

    Is letting go okay?.

    I always felt once his life turned around hell eventually be too busy for me and forget about me...i feel I'm just speeding up something that's destined to happen anyway.
  2. Ever heard the expression, "misery love company"? In other words when we find our self's in very difficult times it is almost like we want every one else to suffer with the same.
    Seeing people prosper, and being in health makes us wonder why we are not experiencing the same, and we get upset because it. Every one goes through trials and tribulations, as no one is exempt from them.
    We are suppose to mourn with those who mourn, and rejoice with them who rejoice. Jesus was no stranger to very difficult times as he had people who wanted to kill him all the time, and it was those to whom should have welcomed him with open arms instead.
    What did Jesus do when he heard that his prophet John the baptist was beheaded in prison. Instead of crying, or getting upset, but you can be sure he was not jumping up, and down with joy. Jesus did the opposite and began to heal many more people, as he was overcoming evil with good.

    Mat 14:10.. And he sent, and beheaded John in the prison.
    Mat 14:11.. And his head was brought in a charger, and given to the damsel: and she brought it to her mother.
    Mat 14:12.. And his disciples came, and took up the body, and buried it, and went and told Jesus.
    Mat 14:13.. When Jesus heard of it, he departed thence by ship into a desert place apart: and when the people had heard thereof, they followed him on foot out of the cities.
    Mat 14:14.. And Jesus went forth, and saw a great multitude, and was moved with compassion toward them, and he healed their sick.

    Most of the people we see and hear praying for others are the one who need prayers even more than the ones they are praying for!!!
    Ravindran, KingJ and autumn oddity says Amen and like this.
  3. But I dont want him to be miserable like me..i simply wish my life was as good as his.
  4. I decided to keep talking to him...i truly do love him ( as a friend of course ..and cant do without him) ...but I still feel completely inferior to him..

    Maybe its my pride that's burning and get stripped ...but either way I feel lower than dirt..

    Maybe the more I'm around people better than me m.the less this feeling will hurt
  5. Sister, your joy will come when you make other people happy. Doing good unto others brings that same good unto you. "....What ever a man sows that shall he also reap". (Gal 6:7)
  6. If I may, I would like to separate your question into a couple of issues.

    (1) Is it OK not to be friends with someone.

    Depends upon what you mean by ‘friend’.

    >> There is nothing that impels you to spend time with someone that makes you feel depressed. But see issue #2, about being depressed.

    >> It is not OK to do unfriendly things, and if you only think unfriendly thoughts, that is also doing something unfriendly. This does not mean that you must never let your mind stray, but that when you recognize this happening, you school your thoughts to uplifting things.

    (2) Being depressed by someone else’s enviable life.

    This is always an indication of a problem.

    From what you said, it sounds like it is only that your life seems lacking and his ‘good’ life makes you feel bad by comparison, not that you want ill for them. This is still a problem, but you would do better to shine-up your self-image as one worthy of God’s love, (and that of others).

    While there are those that know and see and thus show God’s love more clearly than others, no-one is inherently inferior to those that are admired.

    I do not know you, so don’t take this as a personal attack, but it may be more of a case of knowing your own shortcomings (sin & selfishness, or just inability to ‘fit’ in), and having it hurt to have the admirable and fortunate person make it more clear by comparison. Comparisons of this nature are destructive to you.

    I would put forward that the best way to approach this is to make an assessment of the talents the Lord has given you, the opportunities around you, and see if there is a way to use your talents to use. By giving your time and talents to others (and to the Lord), you take the focus off of yourself, and onto solutions.

    Some opportunities may be done in solitude (I sorted food at the local food bank, and although there are sometimes others chit-chatting as we work, no-one cares if all you do is quietly put cans into bins and no-one judges you on how fast you work). Other opportunities may have you helping with a little more contact (I have also volunteered pushing patients in wheelchairs as they were discharged from the hospital… A little more contact, but it’s not hard to smile and wish them well as they go home).

    I’m sure there are other opportunities around your area. You could ask your pastor if there is anything you might do to help out there. The thing is, as you do things like this, you actually do others good while you are giving yourself something positive about your life.
  7. I have made them happy, I stopped him from commuting suicide..well helped him out of it...i always cheer my friends up and make them laugh.
  8. My situation would take too long to explain..but if I could volunteer..id do it in a heart beat bc its productive and meaning ful. 2) I had a toxic relationship with a former pastor... 3) I've racked my mind for solutions..but they're gonna take time...i rather not talk about it..or else id type a novel.

    Just know I'm not..not trying.

    But i just dont see much value in myself or my life ( and please don't try to change my mind..bc it wont until I improve myself/situation)
  9. You are just not grasping Christianity 101 Pannicakes ;). Well I am sure you do, but you allowing your flesh to cloud the truth.

    A nicer car, a wedding, a better job, health is not life getting better. It is neither here nor there. In spiritual terms the difference between a Ferrari and a 1960's Beetle is zero.

    If we are not leading people to the Lord we may as well be in heaven where everything is x infinity better then the best here (1 Cor 5:11). That is Christian life 101. God puts us where He needs us. That may be in a luxury apartment in a nice area or it may be in a cliched African village where things seem to go from worse to worse.

    The peace of God surpasses all understanding = the peace of God surpasses all understanding Phil 4:7.

    You need to sit back, relax and allow the peace of God to consume you. Better grasping His love and purpose for your life.

    You keep this guy in your life, because God has placed him there with you. You only have one obligation to him and all the others God has placed in your life. Focus on that and that only.
    Blessed4JC and autumn oddity say Amen and like this.
  10. I guess ur right...however, I never really felt God's peace...maybe only once in life. How do you allow the peace of god consume you?.
  11. #11 Blessed4JC, Apr 8, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2016
    Hi Pancakes,
    I commend you first for addressing the issues as I'm sure it wasn't easy first to admit to yourself and then to others.
    I already feel the others have raised really good points for you to consider and I also agree that Almighty God is providing you opportunities to grow in the fruit of the Spirit and to curse the negative roots. But really you have to be big enough to celebrate with others in their season of promotion!!!!

    Almighty God is working on you (when you talk about negative forces working against you) God is planting your roots in Him, and the work is not an overnight job!!!! Too often we do sadly feel like failures, like our lives are going backwards, that our life is stagnant, and cursed, but you must study the patterns God uses, the process he puts His servants through before you are ready to be put out there and promoted. (See Joseph's life 12 tribes) for example and it also depends on the calling/assignment God has over your life, as this all has a huge part to play in how much God has to break you first. Also think about the prayers you have prayed 'Lord use me, I want to be a worthy vessel for you to use' because when we do pray these prayers we must expect set backs, more breaking, purging etc! (See John 15:1 to end. The True Vine) and (Serving others is one area we have to get better at).

    Take heart that you are being prepared for Purpose and Destiny.

    I want to write more here but I think you get the essence of what I'm saying....

    Just ask Almighty God to keep guiding you and be still to hear His reply
    autumn oddity likes this.
  12. #12 autumn oddity, Apr 8, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2016
    Idk I didnt mind addressing it..bc everyone feels jealous...its a normal thing to feel despite it not being wanted...

    I just decided to myself...this thing,this issue, this feeling needs to be dealt with...hes a great friend and I was literally gonna disappear from his life..bc I couldn't handle this feeling...and I dont think that's right.

    Still, its just so hard..i tried to do an overcoming jealousy exercise...to walk myself through why I was feeling the way I do..and I fell into a slump..i realized I have nothing. I'm not being dramatic...compared to my friend, I have nothing.. ,were both Christians and have basic things most people have... But he has so much more than I do at this point... That it makes me realize how hollow my life is ( and before u preach I'm already doing everything I can to change it...i am. Just have more setbacks than normal.)

    To the point it just makes me mad at god all over again... BC how could he help and basically turn his life around and not mine?
    I don't understand it... Its hard to have a positive mindset as a Christian BC God is in control of everything.... So its like how could u sit back and watch? How?

    It bothers me to the point I want to leave Christianity... BC this concept of someone watching u struggle and not help is pretty cruel... And what's crueler is to watch him help others ....and yet I'm still expected to be happy while I struggle. That's insane and unfair... And I feel I'm the only one going through this
    .... I dint think anyone here could relate...

    I feel holding onto to god/ Christianity makes me more bitter than better...bc the idea of someone watching one struggle as he opens up doors for another isnt right..

    I feel my faith or what's left of it has definitely been tried...
    And I dont feel strong enough ,God doesn't talk to me... The conversation feels one sided...and I feel like I'm doing something wrong...that ill never get right...and I dont know and god wont tell me..

    Anyway, Buddhism seems like it'll bring more peace to my soul, much needed peace that I can't access with God..
    He plays too many games. No offense to anyone here.
  13. Also..I'm not concerned with leading other people to Christ...bc 1) I simply cant that's gods job. 2) my life is in such shambles right now ..no one would take me seriously... And plus I have so much stuff inside me that needs to get right... I'm not anointed or holy or anything..im just me..nothing special at all .
  14. Maybe this will lift your spirits:)

  15. There should be a video there. Try clicking here.
  16. I kinda don't think all the soothing replies are really working for you; and thought you might need a bit of a reality check'
    @pancakes Hun your getting broken; your flesh is getting dealt with here young lady!!!!! It's sounds like your stubborn, you cant be 'asted' with anyone but 'Pancakes'. You just want all the blessings the LORD spoke about in His Word and cos you aint seeing any after this stage your threatening to move onto Buddhism :rolleyes: Just like @KingJ said you defo have the Faith walk all wrong!!!
    It sounds like you are going round and round your wilderness becos of the above and other only you and God know about. Your failing to see the tests Almighty God is placing in front of you willing you to 'pass, pass, so you can move on' but your just not getting it!! This 'test' with your friend is just a sledge hammer hint at what you need to work on. (The teacher is always silent during the test!). Why is Almighty God going to reward anyone with blessings etc and that person has only come along to collect and not give back? Perhaps you want to reconsider your thoughts on serving others
    Man-ofGod likes this.
  17. I did actually edit the above post to a more palatable reply but perhaps you were meant to read it just like that.;) Overall my reply was written in Love and I hope you understand what I'm saying!
  18. I have gotten reality checks my whom life so what u say doesn't bother me...

    But I do agree with you on the test parts...it made me realize I do have a bit of an issue with jealousy..and I have to deal with it...

    But in my previous post I was blowing off steam...but I did learn how to overcome jealousy by looking at snippets of Buddhism..particularly thr noble truths...and that's to eliminate the cravings ....that cultivate envy which stem from greed..

    Its really s good read.

    I have to definitely do the mental work..which is to think more positively and just let go if intense desires.. Definitely gonna work on that.
  19. And no I dont just want all the blessings...before I felt I gave God my all...with little in return.. People prohphesied this and that..of course youre gonna expect something good and get mad if it doesn't go through..and then scripture says he gives you the desires of your heart.

    But that's neither here or there..bc when it comes to my desires I will try not to have any..bc they just cause issues it seems.

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