Why Dosent He Realise How Selfish He Is?!!!

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by FollowerOfChrist, Apr 8, 2013.

  1. i was invovled with a 'christian' guy from my church. When I look back it was such a strange 'relationship' mostly on his part.

    we got to know each other for about 3 month the he left for 3 months travel but without a goodbye or telling what the 3 months of getting to know each other had meant or anything! I didn't think I should see him when he got back but the night he arrived home he texted me and wanted to him. later that week I ended up meeting up and things went from there. He always expected me to come to him, he never made the effort to come to me

    It went on for 3 months after that, And I always knew I should end it but some reason I just couldn't/didn't want to do it. He was showing me he was a selfish, manipulative, controlling, overpowering and arrogant person but I ignored it all. He never actually told me how he felt about me apart from commenting on my appearance alot, and we never talked about what were the 'relationship' was going. he said he liked to take friendships slow. He would mentioned other woman that he thought was attractive to my face, then act like he didnt say anything wrong, so I found it hard to confront him about things. he came across a bit insecure and i think he was doing it for attention.

    Then there was the fact that he trying to have sex with me, he was being very crafty and manipulative about it and I am not a very assertive person so I went along with it when he tried things and maybe giving him the wrong impression. Altho I did say I wasnt comfortable with things because of my faith and church etc, so he knew that. He tried to take my clothes of and I objected, we had a conversation about it and he said its ok we would keep our clothes on and he wouldn't try and rip my clothes of but the next time things got heated he tried again TWICE, ok I know i shouldn't have been on his bed, getting physical with him but he started it and felt good. Then made a few comments that made my think he did maybe want a relationshipHe said he told someone he was 'sort of' going out with someone. he left at christmas for a month and there was VERY little communication from his part and I mean very little.

    So after he came back it was over.... but he is still really friendly with me and asked to meet up for coffee etc as if we were friends and he acts like he did nothing wrong. I have to see him in church, and he just chats to me like normal and like he didnt do all of those things, I feel a bit uncomfortable being in church with him, and everything one will think he is a nice guy, when only if they knew how he treated me and how he made me feel.

    I think he is totally oblivious to how he acted, I don't understand how he can't see that he totally disrespected me in so many ways and he thought it was ok to try and manipulate me to have sex with him when he didn't want commitment. The biggest thing is the disrepect and just plain wanting to have his cake and eat it too. I never told him exactly what I thought he had done wrong, I did try but really didn't get anywhere. So basically he thinks we are cool and friends and he didnt hurt me!

    So then it makes me think I have overreacted to everything and made it all worse in my head. But I guess I just have to forgive me him and try to get over the hurt. But the main thing is I think maybe i didnt something wrong to make him treat me like that, because he acted so weird with me I can't imagine him being like that with another girl, but he dosent seem to realise what he has done. he has made me feel like I wasnt special or good enough.

    I feel like I should talk to a leader in church, I need prayer for healing but I don't want then to know it was him and what he did.
  2. God has a formula for relationships:

    #1 Make Christ your primary relationship
    #2 Study the Word (Bible) about marital relationships
    #3 Trust the Lord to lead you-not your emotions/ feelings.

    NEVER, NEVER, NEVER be alone with ANY dude that would be sexually attracted to you. Don't 'date'-court; if there is no possibility of a ring-move on.Don't regret giving your body away.

    You should seek good counsel from your Church, and avoid 'the dude'. Sounds like you are/ were getting 'played' and I bet he still thinks he has a shot at getting in your pants...
  3. I just can't understand how he think this behaviour is ok, and he calls himself a christian. Would you ever treat a women like this? I am blaming myself, I put myself in situations where things could happen, but also being in public (with none in sight) he tried tried things! maybe I provoked him in how i dressed or acted and I blame myself, I should have been more assertive and said no to all those things but I reckon he still would have tried. I have learnt my lesson (i hope) not to put myself in those situations. the problem I was sexually attracted to him too and it felt good and I still kinda desire him.

    I want to talk to the pastors wife who i am close to but I;m scared she will tell her husband.
  4. Hormones and lack of guidance are usually the cause......

    Don't beat yourself up; learn and move on. Let God move you into a relationship....
    Rusty likes this.
  5. When dating someone, if there is anything about the person that you find objectionable, call it quits.
    Things tend to get worse, not better with time. Selfishness, bad temper, poor hygiene, etc, these kinds of things can be overlooked with the relationship is relatively shallow, but when you spend most of your day with the person the little irritations can turn into major issues that will poison a relationship.

    My grandfather had a bit of advice about marriage and selecting a wife:
    "If you can live without her, do so."

    In other words, if "you cannot live without the person", then and only then do you
    go forward with marriage plans.
    Rusty likes this.
  6. Not every man (or woman) who calls themselves a Christian is truly a Christian. You are learning this now, and I assure you, it is not the only time you will encounter it. Keep having faith that our Lord will bring you the right one. God wants you to be right with Him, before you can be right with anyone else.

    Next time you consider a man, pray to God about him. Ask God for discernment and wisdom and really listen. He will tell you the Truth.

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