Why Am I Who I Am Today???

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by FaithfulMom, Aug 11, 2014.

  1. Why did God make me who I am today? I have lived such a tough life. And I feel like it hasn't changed...much anyway. I came from an abusive family where my dad beat my brothers and I, while my mom only sat and watched every time. :'( I would never want to go back to that life. But today, I feel like I am still getting beaten, but only it is mentally, not physically. No, It's not from my husband or my kids but from the people around me. I don't get what I do wrong to get treated like I am being treated? For example, I thought my mom and I had a great 3 year relationship going until I found out that she passed a horrible rumor around about me, my husband, and kids. :'( Why is God allowing all this suffering in my life to continue??? YES, There has been good in my life since moving out of my parents....my 3 beautiful kids, my husband, we have a house, ect. But I still am so stressed out and depressed that I cry more tears now than I have in my past life. I always feel like people hate me, I feel like no mater who I talk to, will hurt me or not accept me. I always worry about what others think of me making me feel dumb or stupid and never feeling like I can do ANYTHING right. I want a new life (or a new me) because I hate this one. I only want to be happy. Is that so hard for God to give me??? My past seems to be my present and future right now. I have prayed and asked God to take the pain away and to make me more like him...many times over. But nothing has seemed to have changed!! So what am I suppose to be doing, if I am suppose to be doing anything for God to change me?

    Does anyone have anything to say or scripture that would change my mind about the way God made me?

    Sorry for the long vent. It's not just a vent to you all but also a vent to God. Thanks if you have read this far.
    TezriLi likes this.
  2. Matthew 5
    3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
    4 Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
    5 Blessed are the meek,
    for they will inherit the earth.
    6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    for they will be filled.
    7 Blessed are the merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.
    8 Blessed are the pure in heart,
    for they will see God.
    9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
    for they will be called children of God.
    10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

    One of my close family friends who is like a mother to me was in an abusive relationship for ten years before finally being divorced, only to have her kids essentially tell her that she deserved what happened to her. She's a very kind and faithful woman who prays every day and yet has when through numerous relationships where people have treated her poorly.

    Certainly, though, we all have struggles in this life, and we all suffer and at times it doesn't seem to make sense. You probably cannot understand why God subjects you to suffer, but you can choose to suffer for God. I might challenge you to read some of the stories about martyrs and confessors in the early Church. Many of these people were viciously faithful and yet were still subjected to horrific persecution because of their faith, and yet God allowed them to endure. We know from the texts that such individuals were greatly admired by the Church fathers and many of them have since been declared saints, and our Lord has promised us great spiritual gifts for enduring in our suffering until the end. In fact, Christ even curses those who laugh and are joyful, for they have their reward in this life. Indeed our Lord God has a heartfelt admiration for those who suffer, so if you do suffer, resolve to suffer for His sake.

    In any case, don't worry about venting, I have no judgments on you and in any case I hope you find this comforting in some small way. Feel free to PM me if ever should you need to vent more.
  3. First welcome to the forum! :D


    Romans 8:31-32 (KJV)
    What shall we then say to these things? If God [be] for us, who [can be] against us? He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?

    According to the scriptures, we have all we need in Christ. That's all fine on paper, but, as you said, what about the reality of our lives? Well, the issue is all in how we think and believe. Our brains take in information and formulates a judgment of those events and stores them inside our hearts. The hurts you have keep welling up to the surface because you have not deal with that pain stored inside your heart from when you were being physically beaten. As a Christian, Jesus has given you the power to overcome these feelings buried deep in your heart by sending them away - this is called forgiveness. Forgiveness is sending away that pain and giving it to Jesus.

    2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV)
    For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

    You must drudge up all those pains and "send them away" in forgiveness and replace that negative belief and replace it with God's promises, such as these two verses. When you do, you'll have peace and joy and fellowship with God! Our negative beliefs that these feelings carry are cancelling the grace of God. We ALL must go through this. This is the struggle Paul said in Romans 7:

    Romans 7:23-24 (KJV)
    But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?

    See? You're right there, exclaiming the same thing Paul did! We all have to. But thank God he didn't end there because the next verse explains it all:

    Romans 7:25 (KJV)
    I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.

    Our daily battles are within our thinking. We see one thing and judge it this way or that way instead of using the word of God. It seems too simplistic but it's a real battle.

    Here's how you win, meditate on the word of God and let these truths become settled in your heart as truth:

    2 Corinthians 10:3-6 (KJV)
    For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare [are] not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds; ) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.

    See, our warfare is not physical, but in our hearts. The strong holds are the judgements we've stored in our hearts. The word of God will help unseat those wrong raw feelings and beliefs by casting down imaginations and every barrier that exalts itself against the knowledge of God! Bringing into captivity EVERY THOUGHT to the submission to Christ! You're equating your experiences to how God treats you and this is wrong thinking.

    God loves YOU. And so I close with the verse I opened with:

    Romans 8:31-32 (KJV)
    What shall we then say to these things? If God [be] for us, who [can be] against us? He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?
    Heart_for_Christ, Ravindran, autumn oddity and 2 others say Amen and like this.
  4. Matt 10:39 Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it. Count how many '''I's'''' there are in your post.

    You say you pray to be more like Jesus and then wonder if you need to do something. Yes, you do. Jesus taught to turn the left cheek, feed your enemy and give him your cloak also after he has taken your coat Matt 5:40. Jesus taught Matt 16:24 Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. Do you think you are '''His / a Christian ''' if you are not doing that?

    The peace we get from the Lord is a peace that surpasses all understanding....because it is not logical. We can be at peace in the midst of a storm.

    Phil 4:7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
  5. #5 autumn oddity, Aug 12, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2014
    You may think what I'm about to say is crazy: but I think you're blessed.

    blessed doesn't always equal material gain.
    But I think you're blessed to have gone through that trauma and come out mentally strong and sound.
    What happened to you wasn't good but good can use any situation for his glory.

    His word says, that He's close to the broken hearted_ so even if you don't feel it, He is there with you every step of the way.

    Oh, and one more thing...when we ask to be more like God, He usually does that by permitting us to be in trying situation s. that cultivate the fruit he wants to bear in us.
    and the ones we usually ask for, funny isn't it?

    But, don't have too strong a desire for material comfort or comfort of any kind unless it comes from the Holy Spirit, I say this because -- Jesus endured it all, from being born in a manger,beaten,whipped, remained celibate ( unlike zeus and many other "gods")
    had friends forsake him( peter denied him) and even when he died He cried out asking why God had forsaken Him.... and to top it off, went to hell for 3 days, one is enough.

    Now, I don't know you very well, but I do know you suffered more than I did/do ,seeing as I didn't have an abusive childhood_ ( but I can relate to feeling like a doormat) and I sure have belly ached about my life, but I think both you and I can agree Jesus had the worst life out of us all.

    if anyone should complain its Him, but He doesn't...
    I don't say this to make you feel bad or make light of what happened to you- heck, what I wrote helped me..because I can complain alot- its just Jesus knows How you feel better than anyone and truly sympathizes with you and I don't want you to give up on him.I've been there..

    Just keep hanging on and look up.
    keep the faith. it is worth it.
    Heart_for_Christ and TezriLi say Amen and like this.
  6. Oh, how like my history your post reads, except it was my mother who was abusive while Father fully supported her. It was Mother who beat us, belittled us, laid burdens too heavy for anyone upon us, tried to make us guilty for both her real and imagined maladies. Mother also spread an untrue rumor about me, my present husband, and my two children.

    My life also immediately improved by leaps and bounds after I married my first husband, who passed away, and that improvement continues today. I, too, prayed for G-d to take away the pain, to make me appreciate the wonderful gifts He had given me, but it took a process.

    I have not before mentioned that I attempted suicide three times on one day, but what prevented my success was that I wanted to make it appear to be an accident, and the first three times, I didn't get it right. G-d bless the makers of that old car we called "The Hulk," that would only rock violently and not turn over. I finally gave up when I realized how displeased G-d was with my actions, and drove like a mad woman to a cul de sac, where I screamed in anger at G-d at my situation and beat the steering wheel until my arms and fists were a very dark color -- for a long, long time.

    Further, for many years, I believed that people hated me. Today, I know better, but my self esteem (oh that hated term among believers!) still hits low lows on occasion. Just not that often anymore, but it happens. But now, I know how to take care of it.

    Here's the thing: we have been brutally scarred, and the L-rd wants to heal us -- every little part of us. We humans are not normally able to take full emotional healing all at once: it takes a process -- healing then understanding then living in the new health, and then there is a new cycle. Sudden, complete healing of the hurt person inside us is apparently not possible. At least, in my years of dealing with many . many others with histories similar to ours, this is true. How many times I thought the cycles were complete! I hated each new cycle at the beginning, but when each new one was complete, how grateful I was to say He had brought me to a new healing! How freeing!

    Let G-d do this His way. Sometimes, His healing will come through life processes, sometimes through something profound that you hear/read someone say/write, sometimes through a class, a book, a lecture, a teaching. Let Him do it His way, in His time. Heknows all your past, and He knows your present and future. Trust. Just trust!
    Heart_for_Christ, FaithfulMom and autumn oddity says Amen and like this.
  7. Wow terez,you are extremely strong,I had no idea that was the past you had.
    you are a amazing.
    Heart_for_Christ and TezriLi say Amen and like this.
  8. G-d is good, Pancakes! SO good! :)
    Heart_for_Christ, FaithfulMom and autumn oddity says Amen and like this.
  9. WOW, Thank you sooooooo much for that, TezriLi. That really does help me some. :)
    autumn oddity, TezriLi and Heart_for_Christ says Amen and like this.
  10. Thank you all!!!
    autumn oddity likes this.
  11. Bless you, lady. May the L-rd be gracious to you, leading you in His paths.
  12. IMO, we are who we are for many reasons.

    Our up-bringing.

    What we subject on ourselves. (t.v., media, friends, etc.) Making choices, good, bad, or indifferent.

    I believe that God allows us to go through certain things to teach us.

    I'm sorry to hear you're going through, and have gone through tough times.

    I try to keep my thoughts in captivity, because our thoughts take us in the direction we want to go.
  13. Faithfulmon, When everything's said and done, the only thing that will matter in this life is what the prophet Jeremiah said here.

    Jer 9:23 Thus says the LORD: "Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches,
    Jer 9:24 but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me,.....

    It makes no difference what we have in possessions, or the people we know, or our smarts, money, houses, how many people love us, or how many people will come to our funeral. All that is meaningless and means nothing. The only thing that matters is "do you know God?"
    Not about him, but knowing him personally. As Jesus said...

    John 17:3 And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.
    TezriLi and autumn oddity say Amen and like this.

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