when you're not happy . . .

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by enchiladaair, Dec 20, 2008.

  1. when you're not happy . . .

    I have four kids, one of which is only 5 1/2 months old. I rarely get any sleep and when I tell my husband that I'm so tired, he says, "go lay down and take a nap and I'm going to take one with you." I tell him that we can't both take a nap with the kids up and around. He doesn't listen to me and takes a nap. So I'm up with the kids, being very tired and cranky while he's cuttin' logs. Then he wonders why I'm upset when he wakes up and finds out that I haven't been sleeping.

    I feel like I made a mess of my life. I got married right out of high school, when I should have gone to college and saved up some money, got a job, a house, then got married and had kids. But instead I'm stuck home with no degree, no job, no money, only debt and kids. I feel like a failure.

    I've felt like leaving my husband a lot lately. Then I realized that last year around this same time I felt the same way. Then I realized that the year before that I had just had a baby and was tired, very tired most of Christmas and all I wanted to do was sleep. Then I realized that the Christmas before, I had felt the same way and actually broke up with my husband (whom was my boyfriend at the time). It only lasted two weeks, then we decided to get married.

    What is it about Christmas-time and me wanting to leave? I just need a break! A long, long break.
  2. bringing up children is very difficult.there is plenty you can work on in your marriage.i hope you feel better soon.
  3. My dear sister;

    I am so sorry to hear that you are stressed and your dh is clueless or uncaring to your needs; it certainly doesn't sound fair that you tell him that you need a nap and that he takes one. :confused: :(

    Marriage is certainly ordained of God but we; meaning both men and women don't often do it as He has instructed and that in itself creates much frustration and could emotionally damage the marriage relationship. Having 4 precious children, feelings of failure and your husband not seemingly supporting and assisting you with child care and to help you get personal needs (sleep) met are stressors that need to be addressed. A marriage is not carried by one person who does ALL the work at home; it is a partnership. Do you have a good counselor in your church or an older relative that you would be able to talk to and get advise from?

    The Christmas Holiday can be very stressful for many reasons. It may just be coincidence that you feel this way or maybe your mind and heart is longing for "the good old days"; either way, we can be discontent if we are longing for what we don't have rather than learning to be content with our situation. This is hard but POSSIBLE, I am living proof. Been married 10 years to a wonderful man and we have dealt directly with past abuse issues in both of our lives and trusted God to heal, restore and "grow us together"...

    You do need a break; please try to "do something for yourself" today...;)
    sending hugs and praying :pray:
    :groupray:I Corinthians 10:13...:groupray:
  4. People can be inconsiderate and sometimes downright blind to the situations they live in. Personally I would pray about this and if led I would tell my spouse the gravity of the situation and then ask them to change this habit and/or go to some Pastoral counseling.
  5. Christmas time may enhance the feelings you have but it is not Christmas time that's making you feel this way but rather the situation you are in. Did you know that in some prisoner camps they actually use sleep deprivation as a method of torture and a means to break people's strength? Sleep deprivation is very hard on anyone. How can you be expected to function when something that your body needs in order to function right is missing? The answer is, I believe, first praying and asking Jesus to show you what to say and how to say it and then sitting your husband down and talking to him about this. If he does not get it, then you need to suggest counseling, just like Boanerges suggested. If your husband either goes to counseling but does not take the advice or he doesn't want to go to counseling at all, well then I believe it would be time to ask God what your next step should be. Don't get me wrong, I am in no way suggesting that you leave your husband, but this is a very serious situation and I am sure Jesus will help you to find the right answers. Also, are there any lady friends in your church you can talk to, maybe someone who also has small children who understands exactly what you're going through? Is there a womans group you can join that can give you support and prayer cover?

  6. I can empathize with you, honey. I was there too. But, something someone told me once changed the way I looked at things. They said just to think of it as a small portion of time in your life. It could be you will look back on it in 8-10 years and wish you still had those little ones to hug and cuddle with and wish you'd acted differently. Try to see that in 10 years, that 8-yr. old will be 18, and the 5-mo. old will be 8.

    Anyway, I started to play more with the kids, leaving the dishes in the sink, putting off doing the laundry, etc. just to give them some quality time to play with me, talk to me, whatever. Just 20 to 30 minutes of my time with them was rewarding in the end. It helped me focus on something besides the abuse I was receiving from my dh, and kept my priorities straight. Of course there are regrets, but we only go through this life once, might as well make it count.

    That's why, today in my retirement age, I choose to help young mothers with their little ones and take them for a day, maybe overnight, to give their mothers a break they need. One little one I have often now is an 8-mo. old little girl, whose mother is only 18, and finishing up her senior year. She needs time off just to be a kid again and do her best to finish right. It is certainly rewarding and I wish you had someone like that to do the same for you in your need of some alone-time. You definately need to talk with dh, but also seek out someone in your church, or speak to a counselor about getting some support. Maybe help start a support group, where you take turns taking one person's kids for a day.

    Good luck, dear. If we lived closer, I would be helping you out. Sweets
  7. sweet you give good advice.and a blessing to this site.also is adoptive mum.your 10-30 mins sounds like a blessing to your children.;)
  8. My husband is a champion sleeper. I say I am taking a nap. As soon as the kids are occupied he crawls in too. Makes me furious. :mad:
  9. The 5 month old will only be 8 in 10 years?
  10. Hey, smelly bro! Thanx for that! It really made my day, or evening, or whatever! Yeah, it kept both myself and the kids sane in a chaotic household. :eek::eek:
  11. What a great perspective sis!:) And yes many churches have a mothers day out program.
  12. Hehe! Now you know I'm not a mathematition, nor a speller. I guess they would be 10, huh? :eek:
  13. I have known folks fresh out of college who would have done worse.:p

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