when they come back

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Monet, Jul 27, 2015.

  1. I have a long time friend who I ended things with last year. We were "friends" on and off for 9 yrs but because of the feelings and attraction to one another it also made things difficult. We however were never able to get into a relationship and so I finally just let him go. However, each time we have had a falling out the friendship has came back and I'm thinking it may come back again. If he does come back around how will I know it's God's doing and not the devil? I was told before that I will know based off of how he acts, if he apologizes and explains himself and tries to pursue a Godly relationship with me then it's of God but he just comes around asking about coming to see me or something then it's the devil. I just wanted to know what some of you think. Thanks!
  2. Note: Take any advise, particularly mine, as only speculative at best. No one can assess the proper decision in this case except the Lord, you, and the other person.

    From past history, it seems that a ‘serious’ relationship is unlikely, but there are many levels of friendship. I would examine what how he affected your life in the past and decide if, apart from simple attraction, there was anything of value.

    In your description, you described the relationship as on and off for a long time, and currently off. You did not describe the most recent breakup as involving something for which to apologize. My guess is that there was something there.

    As far as judging whether the relationship is of God or otherwise, I would not be too quick to devise ‘tests’ that he must pass before you take him seriously. Many times we build unnecessary hurdles for someone else to jump over, and when they do not do what we convinced ourselves that they should (without letting them in on the fact that they are being tested) it is just a recipe for problems. It can set up a pattern where any difference is handled by setting up tests for the other (and feeling misused if the other person set up hurdles for us to jump).

    Discernment as to whether something is within Gods permissive will (choices He lets you make), His certain will (matters of obedience), or something else is very important, but making a secret test is not a good way of approaching it.

    Instead, if you do feel you wish to resume the friendship (and work on a relationship), it is wise to discuss your reservations directly with him and come to common expectations as to how the relationship should be approached, and both understand that your expectations are to proceed in a Godly manner, and the issue that you may feel requires an apology will not recur. If you and he do choose to resume the relationship, I suggest that you assess his commitment to the Lord apart from his commitment to you. Your relationship should come out of a common relationship with the Lord rather than his relationship with the Lord being a way of being close to you.
  3. Thank you for you're input! The reason him and I cannot be together right now is simply because we are not equally yoked, I am very spiritual and he is not. But I know if this is the man that God has for me that His will shall be done and He will mold him into the man he needs to be for His kingdom and for me. BUT this is all just speculation, I'm almost positive that God will give me decernment with any man that's comes along.. I guess time will tell who He has for me
  4. Being unequally yoked is a strong warning sign.

    Do not expect that God will change the man against his will. Many have gone down that road and found that their partner never committed to the Lord.

    If you do not think he would continue spiritually without your influence, then it is unlikely that any true spiritual growth will happen just so he can be with you.
    Monet likes this.

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