When can you stop submiting to parents advice?

Discussion in 'Family and Parenting' started by Mellow, Nov 11, 2007.

  1. When can you stop submiting to parents advice?

    I am 22 years old. Moved back to parents a month ago. I am wondering what is the proper response to advice from a parent, when I think I am making a Christian choice, but my mom opposes. For example, I want to start a job. She thinks more than a hour drive is too far and advices not to take the job. What should I do in a sutuation like this?

    Gabriela Elizalde
  2. You seem to just have accepted Christ this very week end.

    What do you think will help you most in you new relationship?

    (PS: It's not so good to put your real name down here....:))
  3. Hi!:D

    Just wondering...is your mom a Christian as well?

    If it was me, I'd think...Mom loves me enough to let me move back in with her. She has my best interests in mind. I'm still her baby, so she probably worries about me more than I know, and maybe she doesn't want me to be on the road for so long each day.

    I'd think: It is her roof, yeah...but I also love her and appreciate her caring for me.

    Gabriela, what sort of a job is it? Do you strongly feel that this is a decision that Christ has helped you to make for your life?

    Your mom has worried about you since day one, my friend...she's going to worry about you until she leaves. If it isn't taking you away from Christ Jesus...entertain your mother, and heed her advice.

    God bless you.:D
  4. WW, that is such good wisdom!!!!
    I have to agree!

  5. First, since you asked for the Biblical response. In the Bible, a single daughter lived under her father's roof, and I'm pretty sure obedience was expected of her.

    Currently in the United States though, you are considered an adult in the eyes of the law. The fact that you are living under their roof complicates things. If you are paying for rent and food, it is different than if you are living there for free.

    I have a 21 year old daughter. I would want her to honor our wisdom and consider our advice, but I don't think I would insist that she obey us.

    I know some people who live in Annapolis Maryland and commute to work in DC in 90 minutes of traffic or worse - one way! These are high paying government jobs, and it's too expensive to live closer to Washington DC.

    More than an hour drive when gas is over $3 a gallon is very expensive.
    I can understand why your mom would have the opinion she does.
    You have to do the math.
    When you count the cost of gas, and the cost of wear and tear on your car,
    and the time spent just in commuting, is the income worth the sacrifice?
    Can your car take the beating?

    If it's such a great job, can you move closer so you won't have to commute so far?
    Aren't there jobs closer to home?
    Have you prayed and asked God to bring you a good job close to home.

    I am very conservative. I would never even consider taking a job that was so far away, but I know a lot of people do it. They feel they have to.

    It would be wise to seek the advice of some other adults who know you.
  6. Very wise advice.

    There are only 3 Elizalde households in your town!
    You need to make sure you never put enough information on the internet for someone to find you!
  7. Living under your parents' roof complicates matters some for reasons already mentioned. Also, your parent's are very aware of your comings and goings. They worry more if you come home late, for instance. Living on your own, they would be less aware. They'd still worry, but in a more generalized way. I still worry about my daughter crossing a busy highway, and she's 17. :D It's hard to let go.
    As an adult, you will need to decide what you are going to do. FallingWaters lists some excellent points to consider in making that decision. You can honor your mother by listening carefully to her advice and acknowledging her concerns. It will be helpful if you can offer solutions to her concerns, demonstrating that you have given them serious thought. See if the two of you can come up with a plan you can both live with. Not knowing her, I'm assuming that she's not being controlling, but truly wants what's best for you.
  8. Regardless of whether or not you're living with your parents, you should always "honor your father and mother". That doesn't mean you have to do everything they say, but respect the advice they give you, because they give it out of love. Tell them I respect the advice that you're giving me, but I still have to make my own decision.
  9. "I am 22 years old. Moved back to parents a month ago. I am wondering what is the proper response to advice from a parent, when I think I am making a Christian choice, but my mom opposes. For example, I want to start a job. She thinks more than a hour drive is too far and advices not to take the job. What should I do in a sutuation like this?"

    You have had a lot of really good advice.

    We are to honor our parents always - and to submit to our parents when young. Honoring means not being cheeky to them or disrespectful to them, or neglectful of them in their old age.

    I wonder why your Mom worries about the hour drive. I don't think its the economics which she is thinking of. She must think it's dangerous to drive so far each day. But if its a good job, with a future and good pay - it may be best for you to take it. At age 22 it is not dishonoring your parents to want to work.

    Living at home is a complicating factor. As a parent, I love having my son live with us. I don't tell him what to do, and he has been working since age 18, while studying. He even worked abroad at about your age. It is not unreasonable to have to commute two hours a day.

    Talk to your Mom. Find out specifically what is bothering her. If your heart is set on the job, try to persuade her nicely why it would be in your best interests to do so. I doubt many parents would then come with the line "While you are living under my roof... blah blah blah".

    In conclusion - at your age, I really think you should be doing what you want to do. Always be kind and respectful to your parents. If they insist you cannot work an hour away - and the atmosphere gets strained and stays that way - then it may be time to move out.
  10. So I guess, was moving back home from SC a wise choice? They advised me as well. I worry if that is what is expected for honoring them. What if I was wrong? I thought I needed to come back home when I heard the story of the bible about the prodigal son. In fact just before I moved, I heard it for the first time in the Christian radio.

    My mom is not Christian, she's just worried that I don't have to drive that far. I never asked her why, it's just another one of her 'ol everyday sayings.

    Thank you, I needed that clarification. Its though since I don't have a real understanding of what to do about honoring parents at the adult age. It's easier when your young or a teen.
  11. Yes Sylvanus, its wonderful.

    I would like to perfect myself, like Him. I want to love everybody and forgive my enemies, even those who are not in my presence anymore. If thats required to in order for us to receive christ. I hate to think back on them, besides I'm not a enemy person. I've had very few. I can even count them with my fingers.

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