What should I do

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by countryman, Jul 30, 2011.

  1. I am new to this forum. If i am posting in the wrong forum please forgive me. My wife and I have been seperated for several months. She had an affair with my sisters husband. All parties involved are suppose to be christians. I have had my doubts about my brother-in-law for years. Needless to say it is not a good situation. The affair has broken off. My wife is very remorseful and has asked forgiveness. My sister and her husband are trying to reconcile and are back to living together. They appear to be headed for reconciliation. My wife and are are seeing each other and doing things together. I have forgiving her and would like to move on. I feel you have to forgive to be forgiven and show mercy and love. my wife is having a hard time forgiving herself and forgiving me for things that have happened in our marriage. There was no major problems. Since the affair she states that after twenty years of marriage she learned soon after we were married she made a mistake and learmed she did not love me. Anyone who seen us and the love that I felt from her and gave her tell's me different. I could not have been more loved, there is no way it was fake. I believe she had and still is going through a mid-life crisis. I read a few books on it once I felt there was problems and found out about the affair. The description of a mid-life crisis fit her to the T.No marriage is perfect and we had our little difference's, but nothing to cause an affair or break-up. Through out this mess I tried to get her to go through couple's counseling with our pastor. She always refused but appears to be willing to do that now, PLEASE pray she follows through. She told me she would go but did not want me to get my hopes up. She is convinced that it is okay to get divorced, that God allows it. I believe that God only allows it in the case of adultry. She points to when Moses allowed it. My understanding is moses allowed it because their hearts had been hardened. I should say, please forgive my grammer. Not one of my better subjects.I have been trying to reconcile and following my pastor's instruction to the T. Ay first she did not give much thought of it working.She would not date or show any sign's to indicate she would reconcile. She has chsngedand is doing things with me. I still love my wife verymuch and just want to forgive and forget and get on with our life.As I said she cannot forgive herself and that is a major stumbling stone and the family dynamics because the affair involved family.What brings me here today is a question about our reconciliation. I thank God I am able to forgive and forget. I remember before we were married that we both said if the other had cheated we would throw them out the door. It is only God that I am able to. I do not hold the affair over her head and never bring it up. My feeling is if you are going to forgive then you forgive and forget. It does no good to constantly bring it up. When we are out and she gets text or phone calls ahe tells me who it is. I tell her she does not have to, If I did not trust her I would not be with her. She tells me she would not blame me if I wanted to know who the calls were.I do believe she would never do it again. Back to my question. During the affair my wife became friends with her exhusbands girlfriend. I forgot to mention that she had been married before me and her ex cheated on her and that is what broke up the marriage. She was very hurt. That was another reason I did not think she would ever cheat on me, she knew how it felt, the pain. Anyways she became good friends like I said with the ex's girlfriend. She went over to the ex's for a picnic and just had him over to our house for a cookout. I know the friendship with the girlfriend developed becasue of the affair. She could not remain friends with those who know us.She would be concerned about being judged for the affair.I understand because of mutual kids she needs to be congenial with the ex. The thing is the three kids are all young adults now. It is not up to her to be involved with the kids and their father's relationship. He was hardly around when they were growing up. I am uncomfortable with her elationship with the ex's girlfriend and him. I battle the Christ like thought but do not want to be around the ex or her around him. I think I could be okay with the girlfriend, but prefer that would end. It only started bvecause of the affair. Then there is another woman whom she met and would double date with this woman and her husband because they were friends of my brother in laws. My wife has even said she was uncomfortable hanging with this woman because of the connection. My wife is going through a I want my freedom to hang with whom I want and when I want , mid-life, feeling. I do not want to hang with them nor do I really want her to. They are links that only started because of the affair. What are the feelings of you fellow christians. My thought is as God restores our marriage maybe she would realize it is not fair to me. I do not mind being told my thinking is messed up so please tell me as you feel God is telling you. Thankyou for listening and your thoughts and prayers. I look forward toi hearing your thoughts. God Bless
  2. I hesitate to weigh in on this issue, except to say your thinking is not "messed up." Your wife's behavior is still counter-productive and potentially distructive.

    As for Moses, you are correct and your wife is interpreting according to her own desires.
    According to what you have shared, she has no grounds for divorce. Divorce was allowed because men would "put away" their wives and they would be homeless and starving and left to beg or prostitute for food and shelter - because they could not remarrry. If another man took them in it would have been considered adultery. That's why Moses allowed divorce - to force men to care and provide for their wives and to allow the "ex-wives" to re-marry so they would be cared for. Jesus clearly said divorce was not God's will, but Moses' mercy on abandoned women.

    My heart goes out to you and I'll keep you in my prayers. But others will be able to provide better advice than I in this area.

  3. Hello again, I expected someone would weigh in on this issue by now. Since no one has, I thought I would share something with you, while you wait.

    We are about the same age. I will be 52 this fall. My ex cheated on me as well, so I understand how deeply that betrayal hurts.

    I think your wife is befriending adultresses and adulkterers because of the guilt she feels. She is associating with people who cannot judge her. Generally speaking, some people who do this justify their immoral behavior and in doing so they must justify others who do the same, rather than acknowledge their sin.

    It is self-destructive behavior because it is a deterent to making amends. The people who she associates with will probably not tell her to do the right thing, but instead encourage her to do more wrong because that is the only way they can avoid facing the truth about what they have done and avoid feeling guilt and shame.

    I don't know if any of this is helpful, but it is the way I see it. I'll keep praying for you both.

    Dok likes this.
  4. I'm going to give a hearty endorsement to what Ginger has written. It provides you with a clear understanding of what your wife is doing and why. I would add that there is an obvious need in her life for fulfillment, even though her behavior is obviously not supported by scripture. I think perhaps the idea that she can't forgive herself should be rephrased in her life: God forgives. Accept His forgiveness. Meet with a counselor (the two of you). Don't be surprised if the counselor speaks to each of you individually as well as together. That's the way it is done nationwide. Stay strong in the Lord. Read John 14:6, John 3:16-17, John 3:3, Romans 10:8-13, Ephesians 2:8-9, John 5:24.
  5. Thankyou for your thoughts. This is my first time on this forum. I was thinking that maybe I was asking for something this site was not intended for. I do not want to break any riules, so please if I am asking the wrong things her.

    I am going through a very hard time in my life. I am old fashion and believe once you fall in love and marry it is for life. It is scary in this age where marriage seems to mean nothing. If you are unhappy don't worry just get a divorce and move on. I thought that I was safe from that. My wife was a christian and she had been cheated on and knew the hurt it caused. I never thought she would do the same.She was hurt so bad by the betrayal it took her a few years to even consider dating and then marriage. I will never understand how she came to the point she could do the same thing.Then to do it with my sisters husband. That is probably the only question I would like to ask her.Even if there was things in our marriage she was not happy with, how do you get to the point of betrayal. I know he is very sly , but could they not have waited for divorce. There has been rumors of his infedelity for years, what he did does not suprise me. It is my wife with her belief's and life experience's is what shocks me.

    I think what you said about hanging out with those who will not judge her and may even encourage the behavior was a big thing. Most have told me to run from the situation. The trouble is I still love her. I know I have the right to divorce her according to what I read in God's word. But he also talks about mercy, love and forgiveness.Then I read what Hosea did. I believe I am right in trying to work this out.

    Until the last couple of years we had a very loving marriage. It is hard to hear her say now she realized she made a mistake right after we married. It hurts deeply but I believe her mind has been messed up and she is not thinking straight. The love she gave throughout our marriage was not fake. Everyone that knew us would comment how much we were in love. I believe this is a mid life crisis and a snake who came in and twisted her mind.

    When I first started feeling there could be an affair going on I tried to get her to counsel. She refused individual and couple. I did not understand why she would not do it. When the Affair became public I then understood. She had already made her decision.

    I equate the hurt with the death of your pasrents, maybe worse. I thought the loss of my parents was the worse in my life. Having the one you love betray you has to be right at the top for emotional pain. Had I known I would have remained single.After giving love and receiving love I think I would have rather have never gone through it, this pain is alk most unbearable.

    I would never have made it through this without my Lord and Saviour. Some of my friends do not understand that. They say if your God was so loving why would he let you go through this. I pray some day they understand. I would rather not be going through this trial, but I can see good that has come from this. I know I have a stronger walk with God. I have to say I think I would have rather not gone through the pain.

    I know I have been ramblin. I thankyou for listening. I am having a tuff morning. It has been a year long battle and I am growing weery of the battle. She is still not to the point of reconciliation. Those friends have her convinced that it is okay to divorce. I try to show her that according to the bible it is not. She is fighting the guilt, she does not know how to face people who know and that being free of reponsibility. She can come and go and do whatever she wants.She does not work, I pay for everything, so she is not living in reality.I have wanted to show her my love for her still. She did not work during our marriage. It is not because she is lazy. She works hard all day caring for the house and raised the kids. It was our decision that she be home for the kids.

    The good thing is she has stated she would go together and counsel with our pastor. That is a big step as she has said in the past she would never. Please ptay she follows through on that and God's will be done. No matter what happens I want God's will for my life. Thankyou again for your thoughts and prayers
  6. Countryman, I can relate to all you are saying and I feel deeply for you. This will be little comfort, but I have no doubt she did love you, (and probably still does or she wouldn't be struggling so with the guilt) Those words cut like a knife, but they are not about you, her denial is just another way to avoid the guilt.

    Please start counseling for yourself if you haven't already. I pray she will join you soon, but you need to get counseling to help you cope.

  7. I am sorry you are having to deal with this, Countryman. I agree with Ginger that, even if your wife doesn't go, you see a counselor. A competent one will help you work through your emotions, gain insight into the dynamics of what happened and is happening in your relationship, and plot a course for the future. From what I have seen, people are usually blind-sided by learning about an affair or being told that their spouse doesn't love them or wants a divorce. By the time they learn what's going on, the other spouse is already far down the road of detachment. The tragedy is further compounded by the fact that there is no magic formula by which one of the spouses can fix the marriage; both parties have to be willing to put in the hard work and dedication to rebuild the marriage. There are things one person can do that can help motivate the other person but, ultimately, that other person has to commit to the process for it to work.

    I didn't intend to offer any long-winded advice in this post, being face to face with a counselor will doubtless give you plenty to chew on, but there is one thing that keeps coming to mind, so I will mention it. When she offers to tell you who is calling or where she is, who she's with, etc., I would accept that as a token of her effort to rebuild trust, and express thankfulness that she is doing so. By brushing it off and saying you just want to move on, you essentially reject and belittle what she is offering. It also ignores that she has demonstrated the capacity for violating your trust and that she is well aware of that. I understand that "forgive and forget" sounds virtuous, but it short-circuits the process of restoration. Forgive, yes, she can't undo anything that she has done, but the forgetting part may be a little hasty. This affair didn't just happen in a lightning stroke of crazy, there were a lot of factors over time that brought this all about, and it will take some time to work through the tangle to bring about restoration. If she wants to talk about the affair, be open to that, listening carefully and responding with grace and love (but not dismissal).

    I'm not sure why that kept nagging at me and I don't know how helpful that will be, so make of it what you will. Know that I will be praying for you.
  8. Thankyou so much for your advice. I am so glad you both have offered it. I am going to put it into practice. It all makes sense. It is hard when you are in the middles of the trial to think things through. Please do not ever be afraid to offer it.I am so glad I found this site. I was really hurting and needed to hear from someone.Thankyou for taking your time to give me your advice. Please feel free if you have any other thoughts and if anyone else out there has amy thoughts please let me know them
  9. I feel sorry to know that you have to go through all of these. I know that you are having a hard time and I can also tell that you love your wife so much that's why you keep on holding on. I hope that you and you wife will soon be happy with each other again and never lose trust to each other. Pray to God to guide you and your wife. God bless and I hope you find the solution to your problem as soon as possible.
  10. Thankyou for your thoughts and prayers. Yes, I do love my wife very much. What has happened has caused much pain.My family will never be the same. God has much work to do.I cannot wait for he day my wife and I unite as one again. All things are possible in Christ.t
  11. I would like to suggest a book for you and your wife to read:
    [​IMG]It specifically deals with adultery.
  12. Thankyou for your suggestion. I do not think she will read it at this time. She has not been open to reading books. She told me everyone is giving her books to read. I could buy it and read it and who knows, maybe she will.
  13. Even your reading it might help you to see! This is written by our Pastor's wife. He had an affair, and she wrote a book on how to overcome adultry! It is from the point of view of the person who was not cheating. It's a pretty amazing story and something they share often!
  14. Hello,
    I have not posted here for some time, not sure why. I am still trying to figure things out. My ws confuse's me most everyday. Things started to go better and she seemed to be coming around and about a month and a half ago things turned for the worse again.

    I cannot figure her out. A month and a half ago she told our son that she could see us getting back together. This weekend she told him she was leaning twords a divorce.She stated that she still cannot forgive herself for what she did and the famaly dynamics of the affair.I never thought I would say this but I wish she would have had the affair with an unknown, rather than my sisters husband.The double betrayal does makes things more complicated.

    I am okay with things as I have never been that close with my siblings. I am not saying I am okay with the A. Of course I wish it never happened. I am not worried about holidays and birthdays. We are all getting up on age and have our own famalies. I think what also changed my ws thouight on R is she finally met my other sister face to face and my sister in my opinion did not take the highway during that face to face. She choose toexact her pound of flesh and tell my ws off. I am not defending what my ws has done, but to beret her at this point served no purpose.

    This sister always has to exact her pound of flesh. She will calm down and show forgiveness after. My ws spouse told her that she feels bad enougfh for what she has done. In fact she did write my other sister a letter of apology for what having the A with her husband. I am not trying to paint my ws as a saiont. What she did messed up my family big time. But at what point do we forgive. By yelling and telling her what she did wrong only solidified my ws more that things cannot work because of the family.

    Her thinking is all messed up as it is. She is running she did when she was a teenager. Hanging and going out with her sister and friends. She states she wants a divorce and be on her own, yet she does not get a job. We have been seperated for over a year now and I still pay all the bills. I am paying for the bills at our house which she is living in and I am paying rent and utilities where I live and have done so for all this time'

    I do not want to paint her as lazy, she always was a hard worker around the house. She never cared about having a career and was happy to be a house wife. I was fine with that. I just do not understand now if she wants to divorce me and live on her own why does she not get a job. I would be happy if she would just R and we get back to where we were.She talks about things we would do in the future which would make you think she wanted to stay together, yet she talks divorce. She tells me that we make good friends. I think about how many married couples would love to be best friends but are not. Yet for my ws that is not good enough.

    She even tells me that she is done with the bedroom so what is the problem if we were just best friends the rest of our lives?She even states that some couples get divorced and remarried.It is almost like she wants to do that. She has told the priest if she were to stay married she would stay married to me. I think she needs to look at what a mid-life crisis is all about.

    I try to get here to go for counseling but she refuses and has done so from the start. I do not understand why.If it were not for my faith in God I could not handle this. I know that no matter what he will take care of me. I feel terrible when I get down and do not trust him. This is like a slow and painful death. I knew a year and a half ago something was not right. Then I moved out over a year ago now. I sit her everyday and night wondering how this will all end. There are times I would welcome the divorce to get it over with. Then there are times I am scared to death about the divorce. God help me. I know he will I just have to get it in my head and heart.
  15. Dr. Bill Harley, author of a number of books on marriage, calls an affair "temporary insanity". I think there is a lot to that. Your wife seems to be very confused and unstable at this point. She's not thinking clearly because her emotions are disrupting her logic circuits. It's hard to stand by while someone makes decisions that either don't make sense to us, or seem downright destructive. It's even harder when those decisions link directly to decisions we must make. But the reality is that we cannot control what another person does or thinks. We may try to say and do all the right things on our side, but outcomes depend on what the other side does. I think of it like a car with two steering wheels, each of which controls one of the front wheels. You can imagine what kind of a wreck that leads to if both people aren't in perfect harmony in terms of what direction they're going at every moment.

    All you can do is continue to press in to God, relying on His strength and guidance, and do what you know is right to do. I hope that you are counseling with someone to help you in maintaining your own emotional stability and help you navigate this difficult course. These are things we didn't "sign on for", hoped wouldn't happen, and find distressful now that they are happening, but our task is to remain faithful to stay close to God and walk in obedience and good stewardship before Him. The path we have to walk may not be of our choosing or to our liking, but you can be sure that God will accomplish His will in the end and that you will have your reward. This is not just a trite platitude which glosses over the immediacy of the pain we feel in the present, but it is the bedrock upon which we can rest our faith.

    I will continue to pray for you and your wife.
  16. Hi Countryman

    Sorry about what you going through.

    I must ask:

    Were you an active spiritual leader? and if so did you ever doubt your wifes desire to live a life to please God?
    Had your wife cheated before this?
    How many times did she commit adultery?
    Do you have kids?
    How Godly is your sister and her husband?

    My concerns regarding the above are:

    If you were a spiritual leader and went to church, she would have been close to the Lord when she cheated, which can mean there is an inner rebellion against God and you developing.

    If your wife had cheated before and not told you, the seed was sown then and has just materialised into a larger desire capable of breaking your sisters marriage.

    If her cheatng was a ''once-off'', according to the Bible you do better to forgive and take her back, but if its not, then her repentance cannot be trusted unless she really goes out of her way to prove to you how sorry she is. My concern here is that you will overlook the severity and forgive her when she is not truly repentant / regretful and you will just be setting yourself up for round two of internal turmoil, which is NOT God's will for you.

    Regarding you ex and her husband, you have the right to demand your wife stop visiting. If she doesnt, you have to question her true remorse. If your wife has not got true remorse she is going to cheat again and you must leave her before you are hurt further.
    It is a no-brainer that unGodly friends will rub off on her.

    I propose you start actively going to a nice church and join fellowship meetings with your wife. If she refuses to go to counseling, you have to question her remorse.

    If you were not the spiritual leader and both you and your wife were / are not truly that close to God, I suggest you completely forgive her and start mutually putting God first and let Him anoint your relationship. Explain to her that your marriage together ONLY stands a chance if you both actively draw closer to The Lord.
  17. Thankyou for your response's ,
    Itv is so helpful to be able to come to a spot toget your thoughts and to just vent. This has been a long battle for me. If I had my choice I would never ask to go through this trial. I read in the bible this morning that we are to "delight" in our trials. As hard as that seems to me right noe I know that is what I need to do. I can see the benefits in my walk with God because of this trial.

    Nu, I was not the spiritual leader of my household I should have been. We both had a relationship with God but it was more a "play" the game. We both went to church on Sunday and was active in helping at the church in defferent roles. I do not think I opened the bible at home on more than several occaisions while married. I did not sit the family down and have devotions as a family. These are all things I wish I could do over.

    This "trial" has helped that walk. Nothing like the frying pan to make you look up. I can say my walk is where it should have been , yet we can always do better and I will. That is one of my concern's about R. My ws is back to where we use to be in our walk. She reads a couple of passages in the bible each morning and goes to church Sunday mornings. There is no trying to seek him and learn more about him.

    Some how she is of the belief that God is okay with divorce. Everywhere I read in the bible I do not see where God wants divorce. From what I understand he is about mercy foregivness and R. The only grounds for divorce is for adultry. My son told me to read Hosea and it is plain to see what direction God wants, atleast for my understanding. I do not claim to be an expert at the bible. For the years I have professessed to be a man of God I should now alot more. I never studied the word like I should have and as I now do.

    I am not trying to preach to anyone, just stating where I am at. I am not accyusing my wife and her walk with God. Just saying what I see so that you can get an idea of where we are at. I want to say also that I do not mind to be corrected or admonished if anyone see's something in my thinking or walk you feel that you need to tell me. So please do not be afraid to tell me your thoughts. I may not agree with you but I will not be offended. We can only learn if we remain open.

    I do not believe my wife has cheated before this.We live in a small town and I believe if there was another it would have come out as this did. When you say how many times did she commit adultry I am not sure if you mean how many times she had sex with my bil or how many affairs. I do not know how many times they slept together and have not asked her and feel it is best I do not know.

    I do believe she has true remorse. That is one of the troubles in R. She has not been able to forgive herslef and told me that she may never. I do believe this to be true.Mentally she is a wreck and is going through constant panic attacks. They have slowed down. She has told me that while she was in the midst of the A she would wake up and think she would go to hell if she died. Of course that did not stop her.

    I have asked her to go to counseling and she refuses. I am not sure why. Our spiritual leader is going to make an attempt to get her to start. Please pray that she will be open. I think she is still in a mid-life-crisis and does not realize it. She is trying to gain that youthful feeling back.She does not have any good spiritual friends to guide her . That is another concern.

    If I bring-up anything about what the bible say's about the situation she rebels against it and does not want to hear it.She was a rebellious teenager and has gone back there. I hope no one things I am accusing her and trying to get the speck out of her eye when there is a log in mind. I love this woman with all my heaert and want nothing more than to get on with our lives.

    I know if she could turn the clock back she would never do it again.God only knows her heart. I believe god's will is for us to R, the problem is that "free will" and as of now she is fighting it, in my opinion. Thankyou for your thoughts and prayers. I take them to heart and appreciate it more than I could ever say.
  18. Hello,
    I know I need to make some decisions here. This has gone onn long enough. It is hard when emotions are involved. If it were not me and I was looking down on the situation I would tell that person to run.The trouble is It is I an that crazy emotion of "love". Some would say and justfiably so that I am a fool and need to run. I have been doing a lot of soul searching and I believe I need to make that decision. I actually like living on my own. I have been seperated for over a year and find it is not the worse thing in life.

    I think of what my ws did and there is no way before the marriage I would have even considered staying with a spouse who did that. I think that old saying "walk in my shoe's before you judge me " really applies. For those who have decided to stay with their spouses after an A are amazing people. There is nothing more damaging emotionally you can do.In my former life I dealt with alot oif people who were in the heat of the moment in a domestic conflict and could never understand why the offended party would stay. time after time the same thing would happen and they would not just pack up and leave.

    Is it because they do not have the "guts" to do it, maybe. Could it be that emotion of love? I suppose. I guess for me I grew up with that old fashion ideal that if you fall in love, you fall in love. As the vows say, for better or worse. I know the vows have been broken. But in my eyes if we keep our eyes on God we can work anything out. I know it takes two to tango and it is obvious my ws spouse at this time is not on the same page.

    It could b that the right think to do is "run". Maybe that would wake her up to reality. If not, atleast there would be an end. Then I think if my ws were terminally ill with a disease. Would the right thing to do be to drop her and run?I know some would say that getting a terminal disease is not choice. Having an affair is a choice, that is true. Mental illness is not a choice. In my situation I do believe there is some mental illness, or flaws that may have contributed to the "choice".

    I believe others would feel the same if they knew my ws as well as I do.I am not saying she is a nut and is not resposible for what she did. She knows right from wrong. I do believe because of her thought process there has always been some issues that she should have delt with. I have tried to get her into counseling for years. She functioned fine and on the outside everything looked normal. But I knew he inner most thoughts and therehas always been deep rooted problems. I guess what i am trying to say is for those on the outside it would appear simple and just throw her to the side.It would make it easier for me, mentally and financially to end it.

    The problem is first I love her and I know some of her problems. Then I do believe there is a God and I cannot help but think, "what would he do".I am no bible expert but from what i have been told I could get a divorce. I believe it is because of the A.But it also tells us to forgive and show mercy.

    I am sorry to repeat myself . I have been up all night trying to think what I should do. I get to where I am good about going through with a divorce. Then I start thinking and I feel I need to trust God tpo work things out. Well thanks for listening and giving me a polace to vcent. We may not always agree on things, but if we consider each others feelings and give thoughts with love we can all b enefit from each other.

    I guess i will go sit on my porch and watch the sonrise over the mountains.

  19. Hello

    My ex fiance cheated on me, of course that doesn't quite compare to your situation where you have been married for long, but I do understand the indeciseveness you going through to a degree.

    I know it doesnt seem like it, but the situation is simple.

    If you did not deprive your wife of sex, did not force her to be unGodly (swinging etc), did not physically or excessively verbally abuse her then the adultery is majorly on her shoulders. If that be the case, you have to ascertain if its a 'once-off' or not. If its not a 'once-off' mistake that she regrets, then it is a change of inner desire and rebellion against you and God. Remember Christians are told not to commit adultery to please God first, adultery is just as much a sin / rebellion against God as it is against her vows to you.

    Looking at what you have written, she seems to be 50/50 regarding true remorse, which scares me.

    If I were you, I would question her to find the truth of just how much adultery went on and then establish if it was a moment of blindness that the devil ceased, or if in fact it is an inner change of desire from her side. If its the latter, leave her immediately, because those desires will return.

    The time my fiance cheated on me was the worst time of my life, but in hindsite, I see how if she didn't, I would never be with the lovely Godfearing wife I am with now :).

    Praying for you!
  20. If God fell in love with us He could just as easily fall out of love with us. Love is not an emotion, but a decision. A decision He made when He sent His only Son to die for us. Now that is Love.
    1 Corinthians 13:4-7
    I'm so sorry you are going through this, both you and your wife. I pray that you both will overcome your grief by taking it to the Lord.
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