What does God want for me in this situation?

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by MyHurtHurtsAZ, Jun 4, 2011.

  1. Summary: ex and I living together 1 1/2 yrs he left me saying i was too controlling, demanding, possessive, and didnt let him be himself or have time/space. All this is true. I made alot of mistakes and I thought that as long as I was in control he wouldn't leave me as my previous ex did (so I came in to the rel. with baggage) and I took my stress out on my ex. Not fair to him. Now to be honest he wasn't perfect either. He had a history of loving attention from women, has mostly female friends, and has been intimate with a lot of women.
    Additional piece....when I met him he had negative views of religion/the church b/c he has been through a lot of mishap and i mean we're talking some heavy stuff and he didn't see how a God who loves him could do that...so yes he was attacked by the devil and lost his faith.

    When he and I started dating I shared with him my beliefs and how important Christianity is to me....but my fatal flaw was that I said one thing and did another. I basically showed him that Christianity is restrictive, boring, and judgmental....why cause instead of enjoying the Sabbath and using it to praise the Lord..I would come home from church (we both would) and would want to sleep cause I was exhausted from the week)...and he got the impression that he had to sleep as well and do nothing.

    I did a terrible job of showing him how amazing Christianity is and I am so regretful because of that.

    Two months after break up we still lived together and I spent that entire time begging him, crying, and letting him know all the changes I know I need to make and etc. Not once did he mention any of the changes he needed to make.

    He left me anyway.

    Two weeks later I asked him to come home-he said he doesnt know what to say. two weeks passed. Last week he emailed me and said he "selfishly" wants and wishes we could still be in contact. And for me to email him if I want to.

    Now here i am:

    If i do open a line of communication with him woudl that show him that I have changed and that I can be okay with not getting what i want when i want...and this oculd potentially lead to us talking, then hanging out, maybe dating, then getting back together in a healthy way


    if i talk to him does this just open me up for more pain and rejection b/c he may just want to remain friends and not want anything else from me and then i am left hearing baout how happy he is and how life is great all the while i'm still in love with him

    WHat do i do?

    If i don't reply i don't know when or if he would even contact me again-i mean why would he? he already said he is doing what I asked an dleaving me alone..and he already asked me to contact him when i am ready. it doesn't seem like he's going to regret the breka up cause he sees it as him basically standing up for himself against a controlling witch...so what can i do? what should i do?

    I think i deserve a second chance but he doesn't believe that i can take it slow. he said he's way to scared of us both getting hurt agian and i see why he's saying that...but i still think i am worth a sceond chance. he said he thinks i would want a full on rel. again and that i wont be okay with starting from scratch.

    I asked him to start over with me agian just us-not dating other women. and he said he cant cause then i will demand to know when/where he is and etc and he doesnt want that

    i don't feel comfortable ignoring him and then another part of me thinks I deserve more than just that email.
  2. Big hugs :)
    I'm reading a book at the moment given to me by my pastor's wife called Love Must Be Tough by a Christian relationship counsellor called James Dobson. Get a copy if you can, it seems to really speak to your situation. He talks a lot about how in a relationship the way couples perceive and respect each other leads into the more common problems such as poor communication, and that tough love, for example a show of dignity from you, often changes that perception and things can turn around for the better. the fact that he's wanting to contact you and spend time with you is good. Starting again with good strong new ground rules (including worship and praying together) can't be a bad thing can it? And if it doesn't work then you've maintaiend your self respect and you can be sure that you gave it a good shot in a Godly way. And praying together is sooo important, to be at your most vulnerable and intimate together will really connect you.
    I'll pray for you tonight and wish you all the best.
  3. I would suggest "love and respect ministries" this is a course that really can help with what is being said.

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