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What Do I Do About This Lady

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by larrylight, Sep 26, 2012.

  1. I have loved a lady for 9 yrs. It has just always been a romantic friendship. I had proposed to her but she hasn't accepted. Yet she never wanted me to leave. Within those years she has dated some other guys secretely. At first,we were so much in love that she never wanted me out of her sight nor any girl around me. I worshiped her, & practically,i served her! Later she started to withdraw. She would get home very late; never pick any phone calls around me,etc. When i confronted her, she accused me of being jealous and monitoring her. After some months, &a break-up,she would return to me. Yet she would later withdraw & the cycle would begin again. On the latest of her escapade, i had to sneak on her cell phone, & founda text she sent to a guy calling him 'honey' & expressing her love. I confronted her & she felt very embarrassed about my finding out. Since then,she has been 'throwing' herself on me,again. The problem is that i havenever stopped loving this lady & she knows (that's why she could always return). But i have become very suspicious ofher (because i know she isunstable & easily influenced by men). Sometimes, i feel very uncomfortable seeing her with men. I feel pain that doesn't go away easily when she 'sleeps out' & says she's with a sick friend. But i never disturb her with calls neither argue nor accuse her of being a cheat. Though, she does say i am a very jealous man. I feel she doesn't want to stay yet she's afraid of losing me. And she's aware that oncei love a girl, i find it difficult loving another. I never accepted her in my heart after her escapades, but she comes back & dotes on me. I know she never found what she sees in me in other men; but i feel that her problem is my being financially constraint (though she denies it being her problem). After the first incidence, i decided i could never marry a lady who left me 4 someone else but later returned (even then, i never knew it would be a regular occurrence). I asked what to do about her because she doesn't want me to go.
  2. Hey bud. Sorry to hear of your predicament.

    God wants you to have a good wife that can put you SECOND after ONLY God. God CANNOT send us the right partner until we are ready. You will only be ready when you have cut physical ties 100% with her and are able to put the Lord first in your own life.

    Love = marriage = sex. God has put these three together for OUR protection. If one is missing we have a valid reason to worry! and are ''foolish'' to commit our hearts to the relationship!
    Rumely likes this.
  3. Thanks for your reply. I love the Jesus with all of my heart. I have once cut of all ties, but my heart yearns for love from someone of the opposite sex (i know it's wrong). Then she came and dote on me...and that was all! I am 38 yrs, when i became a xtian 2 decades ago, i cut of all ties from girls (female tends to like easily). I practically kept away from female until i met with her (we live by same appartment). I pray God would touch my finances so i could get married.
  4. That's great! You live for the Lord! Now let Him give you someone who's right for you...
    Rumely likes this.
  5. Nine years is a long time to spend on someone who won't commit and whose ability to be faithful is questionable. Frankly, I think you are wasting your time for a number of reasons. First of which is that she, if I understand you correctly, sleeps with other men and lies about it. This alone makes her the kind of woman you don't want to be involved in a romantic relationship with. Let me put in in plain language: she is a cheat, a liar, unstable, sexually incontinent, manipulative, and unfaithful to God. I don't like to speak harshly of people, but I think you need to look at reality a little here, and it might help you make some decisions that have been too long delayed. If you were better off financially, the character traits that lead to her behavior would still be there. And, by being her "back-up man" , it helps prevent her from learning and growing by blunting the consequences of her behavior.

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