What can I do now?

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Lostnowfound, Sep 21, 2009.

  1. What can I do now?

    Hi everyone I have been struggling some time now over my current situation in my marriage. I have recently been married to my husband this past April we have been together for about 3 yrs now. My husband is a truck driver and because of this he is often gone for long periods of time. I usually see him about 1 week out of the month at the most. This has always been going on even when we were dating and I knew this going into the relationship. I have been dealing with it as best I can but I feel that I can no longer take the stress and heartache that comes with knowing that my husband doesn't spend enough time at home and even that I may have made a mistake in marrying him altogether. I have approached him about getting a local job so that he can be home with my and my kids but every time I bring it up he just says that he cannot leave his job for a local job because then he would not make enough money. The way I feel about it is that I rarely have a husband because we don't get enough time together and he is unwilling to make any sacrifice in order to nurture and take care of this marriage. I have spoken to the pastor who married us and he feels that I should kick him out of the house until he is willing to make this marriage a priority in his life instead of his job or finances. I just don't know what to do anymore I have been praying about this for a long time and every time that I approach him he just wont' see things my way and will not compromise. My husband also does not have a relationship with God. He says he believes in him but I don't feel that that makes you a Christian at all, and so I feel like I may have made a mistake in marrying him. I don't want to go and get a Divorce because I have made a Covenant before God and I plan on keeping it. So I am really at my wits end about this situation and I need for him to make a change because I cannot continue to live this way any longer.

    Any Prayers and Ideas as what I should do will be appreciated.
  2. Hello Lostnowfound,

    Your situation is very uncomfortable, obviously, and I can understand how you feel.

    Consider what is best for you. And consider what God wants for you. Maybe you can do something for your husband great...whatever God has planned for you he's going to work it out, I know he will.

    Pray and ask the Lord. That is the best you can do.

    Remember without God we can do nothing...but with Him we can accomplish so much more. :groupray:

    We are here for you.

  3. Truck Driving Husband.


    I drove a Semi truck for a number of years. At around o.42 cents a mile, I was bringing home around 900-1200 a week, after taxes. It was really good money. That is enough money for new cars, a house and a number of other great material things. The problem is that I was never home but on weekends. Now, I had to spend 24/7 in my truck, I had to sleep where I found a place to park at night, some times there is no place but in some rest area. That meant I was a slave to that truck, and in reality I was only making about 4.00 an hour if you add all the hours I had to just sit in my truck, driving or not driving.

    If your Husband has at least 8 years experience driving trucks, then there should be no reason that he could not get a local Job that pays good money. It won't be what he may be making now, but add the hours spent in the truck, and I am sure he would come out way ahead. Jobs that pay over 15.00 an hour plus benefits are all over the place.

    There are also tons of Grocery Jobs. He could haul frozen Goods in a refer (refrigerated Truck) and normally only be out a day or two at a time. He may also be able to unload that truck for a extra 80 bucks for 4 hours of work. I had one of these Jobs and got paid 120.00 for doing the run and another 80 a day for unloading. It was almost as much as going long over the road, but I was home every night.

    I had to obey God though, and gave up truck driving to be with my family and teach the Word. A lot less pay, but God provides and money is not as important as putting God first. I had to be willing to live with a lot less, but life is so much more fun now. God can also find other ways to make you wealthy, and God has me started down that road. It does not happen though if you don't put God and family first.

    So, your Husband does not have a good enough excuse. There are lots of local Jobs, and using His faith, God can replace everything he gave up.

    Now for the Hard advice. I have worked with several marriages. The husband is sanctified by the believing Wife. If one spouse does not really know God, and the other spouse is feeling sorry for themselves, then there is a problem.

    , I will just be blunt. Your selfish. Your upset because of your "Feelings" and thats all flesh. You also have little faith, and things will not change until you settle some things. God can do anything, but give him something to work with as he will make perfect those things that concern you. Faith is never sad, never down, and faith knows the problem is fixed. Faith takes no thought, as Faith has cast it's care on God. Someone that has no faith is a unhappy person.

    So, how do we do this? I know of people that have stood on their marriage and have never given up. You never hear them down or sad, they take some scripture and believe God will do what he said he would do in his Word. I have seen impossible marriages turn around because of this.

    Then I have seen the other side. A women Who got some scriptures for her Drunken abusive Husband, and tried to stand. She claimed she was believing God, but she was seldom happy, and she would tell anyone that would listen to her, about her bad marriage. She would come to me and get a faith pep talk, but go right back home and do the things I told her not to do. She would get mad if her husband came home drunk, and her anger was a good indication that she did not Believe God would do what he said he would do. She claims she tried, but not really. They ended up getting divorced.

    YOU MUST MAKE A FIRM CHOICE!!! Are you willing to stand and believe God for this marriage, or would that be to much for you? It's something you must decide as only you know what your able to believe. Trying to stand for a marriage, and thinking of yourself and how lonely you are is not going to work out for you very well. Lets ask ourselves a few Questions.

    Mat 9:38 Pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that he will send forth labourers into his harvest.

    Do you believe God can send people to talk to your husband? Do you believe this scripture to be true, without fail? If you do, then you can start being happy!!!

    Eph 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
    Eph 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
    Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

    Can you start saying that my Husband loves me as Christ loves the Church? Can you start believing this? It won't happen overnight but keep your eyes on this scripture everyday. There is more than enough power in God's Word to change anything.
    If you believe this, then your current circumstances won't bother you because you believe something completely different. Standing on God's Word gives him room to Confirm his Word to you as true.

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    start to listen to these free marriage teachings. It will give you strength and give you hope.

    There are several years or series called Marriage Enrichment. Listen to them all, and start to change inside. Be willing to make a spiritual investment into your marriage, and don't give up. Things will change soon enough.

    Concentrate on YOU!!! let God deal with your Husband. Learn to not think of yourself, but think of your Husband, and his victory.

    If you don't feel you want to take the time to get strong in the Lord and the power of his might, then follow your pastors advice. It will probably alienate your husband and FORCE him to take some action. You soon may not need to bother with your marriage issues as you won't be married anymore.

    Make your choice.

    Be Blessed.
  4. Hello sister,

    Let me just say that I am very sorry to hear that your Pastor told you to leave your husband. That is not scripture. You hang in there with your husband. God has joined you two together. Yes, you are hurt and lonely now, but continue to give it to God in prayer and remember,

    "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
    Proverbs 3:5-6

    Let's pray:

    Dear heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus. You see my weariness, my uneasiness, proceeding from continual waiting and disappointed expectation. It seems that my patience is exhausted, and I am discouraged. I am weary of asking and waiting for my husband to respond.

    My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to Your word. Lord, I come to You, and You give me rest. I take Your yoke upon me and learn of You, for You are gentle and humble in heart, and I will find rest for my soul. Your yoke is easy, and Your burden is light. I look to You, Lord, and Your strength; I seek Your face always. You are my Refuge and Strength, an ever-present help in trouble. O my strength, I watch for You; You, O God, are my Fortress, my loving God. You are my Strength, I sing praises to You. According to my faith, I am claiming and thanking You right now for the restoration of my marriage. In Jesus name we pray....AMEN.

    Stay in prayer and give it to God daily sister and God will move over your marriage in His timing. You know that God's timing is not our timing; but, His timing is right on time.

    Be bless,

  5. Thanx for the words you shared, WordOFaith. They touched home for me also. It has been about a month now since I put my husband in God's hands to deal with him as He sees fit. I can no longer worry about it. The best thing I ever did was to leave him there and work on my own heart. It's so much easier, and is proving to be more effective. He is starting to read some books I didn't think I'd ever see him read, and he doesn't turn my Christian talk shows away anymore. He even seems to be listening. I think God can do so much more than I can, and besides, when he does surrender to Christ, he won't be doing it because of me, but because God has gotten through. And, yes, it will be in God's time, not my own.
  6. Thank you

    Thank you to everyone that has responded. I guess I just let my emotions get the best of me. I know that I have been selfish only thinking of my needs and focusing on my wants. There are days that I am OK with him and his job. but Other days are extremely difficult to deal with. He is a good man but when he comes home he Doesn't spend that much time with me. If I try to speak to him and get him to communicate about our relationship he just shuts down or gets upset with me. I will stop complaining to him and just be a good wife to him and just pray as much as possible. This is all I can do right? There are other issues in our marriage besides him being gone all the time. He has an alcohol problem that he refuses to deal with. He also has had an inappropriate relationship with 2 of his ex girlfreinds while being with me. There was no Cheating that I know of but there was flirting going on. There were other instances where I found a picture of other women on his phone, Not through snooping but I found this when he was right in front of me and he said to me that he didn't know how those got there. That is his excuse for everything these days. he doesn't acknowledge that he does anything wrong. We went to premarital consoling and he wasn't enthusiastic about that. I am in no way trying to paint a bad picture of my husband. I know that I too have faults and issues that may have caused some of the problems in the marriage. I only know that God is the only one that can fix this marriage.
  7. Lots of Issues

    These are a lot of issues that you married into. God never designed a Women to go through these things.

    Never Home?

    In order to have faith for something, there has to be a value or hope involved.

    Get in the Word and start sowing that Word in you. Get listening to these marriage CD's. They are free, and they will help you respond according to the Word of God. Don't say anything else to your Husband about these things. It's not your job to change him, but it is your Job to obey God, and treat your husband as head of the house.

    Once you get on God's side, then expect God to move, and receive the answer. God never designed you to be unhappy or in bondage to problems. Once you do your part, and get filled with the Word and Joy, God will take care of the rest. That does not always mean stay married. It does mean staying in the Will of God, even if God has to move your husband out of the way.

    God will protect his daughters that are doing what his Word says to do, if your husband does not come in line................. Your Father in Heaven will deal with it. I have seen this happen more than once. You don't mistreat God's daughters.

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    Now get busy, get filled with the Word. What measure you meet to the Word, it will be measured back, and God will confirm that word to you.

    Victory is yours.

    Be blessed.

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