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Was that the wrong thing to do?

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by Blessed4JC, May 5, 2016.

  1. #1 Blessed4JC, May 5, 2016
    Last edited: May 5, 2016
    Hi guys,
    I hope your all well.
    I would appreciate some advice on the following please
    I have recently started a new church (about 6 weeks) and there is a young man that serves at the church and he has been friendly towards me. (I do like the little I see about him as he goes about ministry)
    When I joined the Bible study group he was pleased to see me and he remembered my name which is not an easy name to remember, all I focused on was him pronouncing my name right and later . felt I may have been a bit standoffish in my interaction with him. So the next Sunday I was talking to someone and as he was walking past this small space I lightly grabbed his wrist to say hello:oops: He thought I was trying to give him something as he looked down at his arm, but realised I was just touching his arm. (I'm hoping he realised I was just greeting him)

    I'm now beating myself up as I think I may be giving out wrong signals :(. Was this a wrong thing to do? I wanted to greet him especially after the Bible study, so when he walked past the small space I was talking to someone (which he had to squeeze through I might add;)) I just used that opp to say hi.

    I'm a touchy feely kind of person (within reason) and I do this to anyone I feel a rapport with for example if I'm laughing with someone I would touch the person on their arm, shoulder etc, but as we don't really know each other and it's in the setting of the Lords house, I started to feel I shouldn't have done that. :cautious:

    What do you all think?

    Thank you in advance :)
  2. I think you're just over thinking it! Guys are pretty simple and we might be thrown off in a moment with unexpected contact, but I don't know of any guys whom it would offend or give off the wrong idea in the context you described :)
    SparkleEyes, Ravindran and Blessed4JC says Amen and like this.
  3. Hi Klub, Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. :)
    Your right I have been over thinking it and agree with you 100%.
    Once again thank you so much for responding. :)
  4. I completely agree with Klub! Guys are quite simple :D Even I think you are just overthinking. I don't think this would give any wrong signals based on the events you had described.
    Blessed4JC likes this.
  5. Hi Ravindran, thank you also for contributing.
    It's nice to know there is agreement from you both confirming I ought not to look too deeply at it.
    Thank you so much and God Bless :)
  6. I personally am a person who does not like it when people stand to close to me or touch me. I have a different personal space tolerance. This is however mostly when people stand in my face and talk to me who I do not know. These types of situations can cause a bit of discomfort, but not necessarily send a wrong signal.

    Your situation sounds appropriate, the person might just be a little uncomfortable with touch. He was probably just caught off guard. I would say you are probably overreacting a bit and he already forgot about it. Don't worry about it too much.
    Blessed4JC likes this.
  7. Hi CG, thanks so much for your insight about personal space and touch...
    Your right; as although I said I'm touchy feely I also don't like ppl 'all up in my face', and lets face it some pple don't really understand personal space. If I feel the need to step back, then your too close :D.... But thank you as when I read your second para I was happy to see again that the situation I posted was normal and I agree he has so forgotten all about it.... :LOL:

    Thank you for taking the time to reply and God Bless :)
  8. Don't ask for condemnation, you're obviously doubting your action. If your heart was pure at the time, then move on. Let him, or anyone, deal with it, while you focus on God and keeping that heart of yours pure. :D
    Ravindran and Blessed4JC say Amen and like this.
  9. Hi Abdicate, when I read your reply I smiled as you are so very right..... I seem to be doing this a little lately; did what I say offend, did what I said come across wrong and this regarding my post.... The Holy Spirit has been bringing it to my attention and I am in the process of identifying the root or just simply pulling down these thoughts which your right are trying to create some form of condemnation. I do recognise that it's part of the enemy's plan to try and shut me up and or from connecting to the right people in this season.

    Thank you so much for your contribution as it was spot on targeting the real issue here and yes it was from a pure place in my heart but just turned into something silly in speculating what I may have come across like:rolleyes:.

    God Bless you and thanks once again :)
    Abdicate likes this.
  10. Indeed, this is the very meaning of these verses:

    2 Corinthians 10:4-5 (KJV)
    (For the weapons of our warfare [are] not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds; ) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; ​

    People make it out to be fighting spiritually against the devil, but it's really fighting against our mental beliefs (strongholds) and flat out wrong thinking. :)
    Blessed4JC likes this.
  11. Thanks Abdicate:)
    It's all about the process of our Faith walk... and identifying exactly what one is dealing with at any given time... process of elimination..... Is it something the Lord is purging out of me, thus I'm running into this particular situation a lot, Is it a stronghold that requires me to deal with the roots of this hold, is it the enemy trying to sabotage something thus blocking a blessing.... we know he comes to kill, steal and destroy... It's a process of me eliminating which one I'm dealing with....
    Thank you though as I said in the former reply, you did identify that it was almost making me feel somewhat condemned and that we know is not from the Lord. :)
    Abdicate likes this.
  12. G'day Blessed4JC, So far, this thread seems to have been all about you. And I don't mean that in a nasty way :).
    I'm thinking, (without knowing the layout of the Church building) that if I were to squeeze past a girl forcing, or at least inviting physical contact, that would only be because I wanted that contact and was 'testing the waters' so to speak.
    As for personal comfort zones, they can vary with age and the situation. My ex's ex's ex touched my arm (deliberately)
    and I couldn't get to wash my arm quickly enough.:mad:
    Other girls have touched my hand or arm and I found the experience quite pleasing without thinking anything inappropriate.
    Of course, if I was single and available, I would be vulnerable to misinterpreting an innocent touch......but that was me, ever hopeful :( :D
    So, don't beat yourself up over this, he played his part too.

    BTW, you opened this thread over a week ago, how are things going with this person?
    Blessed4JC likes this.
  13. #13 Blessed4JC, May 17, 2016
    Last edited: May 17, 2016
    Hi Calvin, :)
    Thanks so much for your reply.... (As a woman you know you have asked for me to go into detail about everything :D but maybe if I did y'all would get a better picture... so here goes:

    When I started attending the church we were briefly introduced as I was with a couple he knew, out of politeness we gave a brotherly/sisterly hug… That was that.

    The next few weeks especially one particular Sunday I noticed he was really trying to look at me I mean as I was entering the church he opened the door for me (he often helps out with the ushers before he assists the pastor) and bent his head to look at me, I said morning and he responded. I think it was the next week that as I was leaving the church he was talking with 2 other brothers and he stopped me to enquire about my top (I design Christian Tees) so we were talking about that, he asked who I knew at the church so I told him and he was telling me about things his does related to apparel that he does etc, etc He then asked if I was now attending the church, I said well yes I have started to, and he looked at me to suggest I have noticed you (well that’s how I interpreted his look)…. He then opened his arms to hug me, so we hugged and said bye.

    The next few weeks is when I went to bible study and as I said, I felt I was a bit standoffish and then on that Sunday I noted in my opening post, what happened prior to all that was that I ended up sitting next to his friend; this is a man that was a bystander in our conversation about the tee’s, and as he sits at the front I noticed he looked back a few times and probably saw his friend by me (idk). At the end of the service the pastor encouraged everyone to hug someone so I went to hug the lady sitting at my right and when I turned round the friend was still standing there so I went to hug him and that’s when he informed me he was the one that Sunday when I was talking to his friend. That was that, I left the isle and went to greet a sister and on my way to do this I saw a friend/sister and her family I attend another church with and we stood in the lane hugging and talking and we literally blocked the lane from anyone passing (they would have had to ask us to excuse them to pass) but as I hugged my friend’s son I noticed the man in question making his way towards the lane and that is when he passed by my side and I took the oppt to greet him as noted in my opening post. When all the greeting with my friend was over and I was leaving the church, I did notice that his friend was talking to someone along the same lane and I just remember noticing how he looked at me kind of eyeballed me. I waved to say bye and that was that….

    The next Sunday I was headed towards the loos at the end of service and noticed the man in question was standing right by the place I would have to pass and (I'm pretty certain 100% that he saw me headed that was) but he just moved his position so that he kind of had his back towards meo_O… I did not greet him this time as I was already questioning the way I greeted him the week before. But to me it was a strategic move on his behalf which made me think he was testing me to see if I would try to get his attention like I had done the week before?:confused:. when I came out of the loo he had gone.
    Sunday just gone at end of service, I noticed him by the entrance/exit door with other brothers as I walking/talking with a sister and by the time I lifted my head again, he had gone. So I thought ok, he has started to ignore me now?! :speechless: So I'm like, Lord have mercy on me:rolleyes:... Help me to just keep it moving! Sometime I just don't understand man! I'm naturally friendly, touchy feely within reason and I know boundaries, but it's almost like when I reciprocate friendship it's gets funny and silly:confused: and I'm just talking about simply extending interest. (Or perhaps this is just with men who like to play games and get someone interested and when you show some form of interest they lose the interest). I'd like to think that people aren't that simple, low self esteemed and worldly in the church.... (But I know often we in church can be the biggest perpetrators and hide behind Christ :eek:/)

    Also, what I meant by what I may have been perceived as coming across like is a not so proverbs 31 woman... Because I had reached out to greet him, I started to feel like perhaps I should have waited for him to say hi to me first etc... But why cant I be friendly? Proverbs 18:24 says to be friendly if we seek friendship...

    In relation to what I was talking to Abdicate about is a few things I'm trying to eliminate here... Was I just being tested/tempted with this man? I did say in my opening post that I did like the little I saw of him and how I could see he was serving. etc, so now I'm like ok, he appears to be ignoring me now, but this is not going to stop me from attending this church or Bible study, Prayer meeting etc... I'm vulnerable to this stuff as I'm a wife and mother in waiting:) but I have now placed it at the feet of Jesus and asking Him to guide me and as I say to others Guard your heart...... and be sober, be vigilant..... I'm taking my own advise.

    Thanks so much for asking about things now as I do feel like I have lifted something off my heart. If you or anyone has any advice on how to avoid silly mistakes with men I'd be grateful.

    God Bless you:)
  14. I think is so important to use the AV or just KJV of the Bible as the other versions can be so off in their interpretation of verses.
    So for that purpose I have added the below verse as this is what I was referign to when I added the following scripture :)
    Proverbs 18:24King James Version (KJV)
    24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
  15. I've not heard that one before...........I like it.
    More later...a lot to digest.
    Blessings sister,
    Blessed4JC likes this.
  16. Emotions play a terrible and wonderful part in our lives. It is something we must learn to control. Courting is not a good thing. It leads to confusion, misunderstandings, false expectations, and distress by all. Focus on Jesus, and let Him tell you who it to be yours. Date, attract, and pursue no one, but wait on the Lord. The Lord put something in me or on me so that though I was told all my life I was handsome and good looking, I never had much of a social life. I married my wife at 23 as a virgin. I don't distain any of this, I am VERY blessed by God for keeping me, because I know it wasn't my idea! I met my wife for the first time and after 3 days I asked her to marry me and she said yes. It was like I was watching a movie because when I said it, I couldn't believe "I" was the one speaking! Then when she said "yes" I knew I was in a movie and the Director was God Himself. Don't play the worldly games. Let the Lord God guide you. Marriage is VERY hard - the hardest things I've ever done in my life and I've been to 46 countries! But it's the most rewarding thing only second to God's presence and His Salvation. We've been married 25 years already. We think we're in control, but which is more relaxing, driving or being a passenger? I used to hate those "God is my copilot" bumper stickers. God is my Pilot, my Navigator and my ALL! Wait on the Lord, Psa 27:14. When you settle this in your heart, you won't be sucked into this evil game of what-ifs. :D
    Blessed4JC likes this.
  17. Hi Abdicate,
    Thank you so very much for your sound advise. Your so very right and I realise lately I have been allowing myself to get carried away with the 'are you the one or should I look for another' :oops:.

    I do realise I need to be consumed with the Lord and that is my current prayer. It's these kind of situations that made me say I am not going to allow this to stop me from progressing in the church with attending, prayer and Bible study, as that was my intention to start this new church and really focus on growing deeper in my walk with Christ. I know I had a lucky escape and while it was nipped in the bud early I know it can still leave a little residue and I also realise that I cant allow these near misses to change who I am, for example make me cold and suspicious of men who are friendly towards me:eek:.

    Thanks once again Abdicate I do appreciate your wise advise.

    God Bless :)
    Abdicate likes this.
  18. Don't beat yourself up either, another tool of the devil, and pride. Just keep that heart pure which means you have to keep your mind pure and not waiver.

    2 Corinthians 10:4-5 (KJV)
    (For the weapons of our warfare [are] not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds; ) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;​

    Realize this is a mental fight not a physical one!
    #1 - reject imaginations that are not in line with God and His word
    #2 - reject anything that seems higher than what God knows and says in His word
    #3 - take captive, control, reject every thought that doesn't line up with God and His word

    Then what?

    Philippians 4:8 (KJV)
    Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things [are] honest, whatsoever things [are] just, whatsoever things [are] pure, whatsoever things [are] lovely, whatsoever things [are] of good report; if [there be] any virtue, and if [there be] any praise, think on these things. ​

    You put OFF the old thinking, and you put ON the new thinking.
    Blessed4JC likes this.
  19. Abdicate I really do appreciate this advice, thank you so much:).
    It's time for me to really get to work and really utilise the WORD and see it work for me. Although I have been drawing on these scriptures and trying to put them into action I realise I have still be allowing myself to get carried away, but Nevertheless :D the scales have been really taken off my eyes now, so time to take authority IJN.
    Once again thank you so very much.
    Abdicate likes this.
  20. #20 calvin, May 19, 2016
    Last edited: May 19, 2016
    Well, when I was about 20, there came to the place I worked the most beautiful looking girl, I have ever seen.
    Lucky me, she really fancied me but...................
    She crossed a certain line and I found that I just could not be comfortable trusting her, not one teensy bit.
    Despite telling her in the most gentlemanly way I could to get lost, she enlisted the aid of two uncles who worked at the same place; in the factory part to get me to date her.
    And I'm here to tell you that they failed.
    This is a true story, and yet it sounds rather fanciful I admit, the point is that a man values virtue above all else in a woman.
    Some thoughts for you from Proverbs A la Kjv.
    Prov 31:10. Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
    Prov 31:11. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
    Prov 31:12. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
    Prov 31:13. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
    Prov 31:14. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
    Prov 31:15. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
    Prov 31:16. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
    Prov 31:17. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
    Prov 31:18. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
    Prov 31:19. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
    Prov 31:20. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
    Prov 31:21. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
    Prov 31:22. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
    Prov 31:23. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
    Prov 31:24. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
    Prov 31:25. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
    Prov 31:26. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
    Prov 31:27. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
    Prov 31:28. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
    Prov 31:29. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
    gets a bit ahead of us but still.....:)
    So, my best would be to fashion yourself as a truly virtuous young lady and you will be noticed by the better class of young gentlemen.
    A guy that doesn't value virtue is a bag full of heartbreak and trouble.
    The Lord's richest blessing for you.
    Blessed4JC likes this.

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