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Very long post - Need advice

Discussion in 'Biblical Advices' started by rayting, Jun 14, 2007.

  1. Very long post - Need advice

    To start this post, I will give a short background of myself. Also, I will give a very short summary on what I will be talking about since the post is very long. Basically I just got out of a relationship with a non-Christian in Feb. My walk with God has been stronger since then, but then there are things which are still bothering me and holding me back. Also, a recent event happened which basically ends all communication between me and her. My life has a lot of potential to be better, but the thoughts of that recent event has been disturbing me lately and I have exams on Monday and a lot of cover.

    Now to start with the long version and a background of myself.

    I was born into a Christian home. I'm a 4th generation Christian, my father being 3rd and mother being 1st. Supposedly baptised as a baby.

    Basically, in my mid to high teen life, I've started enjoying the attentions of girls and started getting into relationships, in which all are with a non-Christian girl, and at the same time slowly moved away from God and his words.

    Recently in February, my relationship of 2 years with this girl ended. It has come at a crucial time as the current semester I was about to undertake is important. I can not fail anything or else I would get in trouble from the University. We were still close friends after the breakup, but then one night she snapped (end March) and that's when things started turning sour with her.

    To keep things simple, I have tried to play my role as much as possible since after the breakup and a major fight. Of course during the height of frustration (she can be very annoying and frustrating to communicate, especially since its a Long Distance Relationship) I have said some things that upset her, but when I look at it, she has done much more to me to really upset me first. Anyway, that is not why I am here for, but just to give a background so that you guys know what I am going through.

    After the fight, she was like saying how she's not angry anymore, has forgiven me and stuff like that. But for the past 3 months, she has been treating me less than a friend (a big contrast to what she said to start with). I have not been communicating with her often so that to give her her own personal space, but even then, when I do communicate, she ignores me.

    Anyway, I finally called her yesterday and to my surprise was the events that followed right after. Basically, she passed her phone to her friends at college, and they were all mocking me, pretending to be someone else, each one of them taking turn. All I wanted was to speak to her and find out what is wrong or what have I done, but I get this treatment.

    The friends would insult me and scold me in various languages (Malaysia, multi language country) and well, I was totally appalled by the event. It came to me as a very big shock as I have been giving her space and not done anything for so long to upset her, yet this happened.

    For now, I just want to focus on my upcoming examination, but the thoughts of this event keeps on reminiscing in my mind and I feel really hurt. At times from thinking about it, I feel very upset and angry. I mean I can't believe she was so immature to had done that and her friends as well were all acting like a bunch of kids... But what can you expect, I'm 22 and she'll be 19 soon. She's studying Fashion Designing and all her friends are non-Christians as well and are into the world.

    As for my walk with God, the breakup is the best thing to had happened. I've realised a lot of things since then. Previously I would rely on my GFs for comfort and all, but it has only turned things sour (my ex was a very self centered person, 90% of the time when we spoke, it's about her. She has never taken any interest in what I do or how I am). I have been close to God in the sense that I've been reading his words everyday (http://www.rbc.org/odb/odb.shtml - Our Daily Bread) and praying to him often, like having a relationship with him. In the past 2-3 months, I have felt his presence more than I ever had my entire life before the breakup/fight.

    Objectively, my life is in a much better position without her, but then I just feel really hurt. The events between me and her in the last 3+ months shows me a totally new person, separate from the person she was when the relationship first started. She has been doing this fashion stuff since Jan last year. I have put a lot of my life and effort into her, and basically I am really hurt deep within me. Anyway, I think I will stop at here and wait for some response before yakking any further.

    Thanks in advance for your time and help,

    - Raymond
  2. Ray it sounds as though you need to forgive her and her friends and leave them in your rear view mirror so to speak. If things are better between you and God great, take advantage of this time and grow even closer to Him - when you feel the time is right pray and He will send the right person into your life- many blessings Larry
  3. Thanks for the reply.

    The thing is I do want to forgive her and let it go and I keep praying but then deep down in my it still really hurts and the thoughts does come back and disturb me. With exams coming on Monday, really don't want to continue to be affected by this.
  4. Hello, Rayting~
    I am very sorry you are feeling hurt.
    I am sure you feel very betrayed, even though you two are not together.
    You thought there was still a friendship of some sort so this behavior from her has surprised, disturbed and hurt you.
    Sometimes I start to dwell on something that hurts me very much and it will eat away at me and I suppose that is what is happening to you.
    Well, that is when I remind myself that ultimately nothing or no one matters but God.
    If his love were all that I had it is enough.
    I repeat to myself, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".
    It really helps and makes me feel better.
    I feel His strength and am stronger and more confident about the situation.
    Good luck on your exams.
    You'll be in my prayers,
  5. Yeah, I do try to keep thinking about God and how anything is possible if you just focus on him and his words (and plans), but sometimes I guess I just need a little nudge or words of encouragement to push me forward as it does get a bit hard sometimes when you are really hurt. Sometime I just wish I am a computer and could just 'delete' all these harmful thoughts and memories.

    Edit: Sigh. Still can't believe that this has happened. When I look back to the times when we were together, it's like it's two totally different person. I guess that's what really hurt the most... That someone after sharing a close relationship and helping her so much... Could just turn her back and suddenly do something like this to me.

    Edit: Just read bible.com's Proverbs devotional... Day 165. Proverbs 18:20-21. I guess that means I should not be holding any grudges or wanting anything bad to happen to them even (even them getting the taste of their own medicine). It's just so hard after being hurt like that. Urgh... :(
  6. That's right, YOU be the bigger person.
    Also, may I tell you that she most likely wouldn't have gone to so much trouble to insult you if she didn't care still.
    I know, it doesn't make sense, but trust me.
    I wouldn't say that about a Christian but I know what girls can be like. :eek:
    Put it out of your head and keep telling God you want to put him first in everything~
    You know in your heart that she does not benefit you.
    You WILL get over the hurt feelings.
  7. God works all things for the good and He orchestrates things in our lives to set us free. I remember having my heart broken as a young man and it seemed as if the world would end but in fact two things happened:
    1. Eventually I became a stronger person.
    2. I was free to move on and meet my lovely wife- she was the one my Father had for me and looking back now that breakup was one of the biggest blessings (although I could't see it then) I ever had.
    I praise the soviergn Lord and have learned to rest in His hand and I know that He indeed will bring a blessing out of everything I encounter. I pray God send healing and peace to your wounded heart- your brother Larry
  8. From what is happening now, I know that point 1 is in the making. I have learned so much from this experience and it has only made me stronger. I have changed a lot because of this, realised so much as well as gotten much closer with god.

    As for the free part, I'm hoping it would be soon. Just have to get over the pain of the recent event, trying not to think back about it. The past is fine, I feel that it was as if it were a different person anyway, but nevertheless painful when compared to.

    As for a lovely wife, long time more to go. LoL. =)

    Thanks for the posts guys, really appreciated it. Glad I decided to Google "Christian Forum".
  9. I am also gald you came here rayting- as far as these things go God supplies as we walk out each step in faith- do not worry He has a plan for you and yor life- many blessings and much grace on your day- Larry
  10. God will bring you through this. Just rely on him. I know this hurts very bad right now but there is nothing that you and God together cannot tackle. Trust in him and he will show you how much better your life can be without the troubles that her and her friends have caused.
    I agree with Boanerges that you should leave this girl in your rearview mirror. From what she has done, she has proven that her immaturity has no bounds.
  11. Just to update you guys. Whenever I am feeling down, I read this verse and it helps. I manged to find it by accident, by sheer coincidence.

    2 Thessalonians 1

    1Paul, Silas and Timothy,
    To the church of the Thessalonians in God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ:
    2Grace and peace to you from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
    Thanksgiving and Prayer

    3We ought always to thank God for you, brothers, and rightly so, because your faith is growing more and more, and the love every one of you has for each other is increasing. 4Therefore, among God's churches we boast about your perseverance and faith in all the persecutions and trials you are enduring. 5All this is evidence that God's judgment is right, and as a result you will be counted worthy of the kingdom of God, for which you are suffering. 6God is just: He will pay back trouble to those who trouble you 7and give relief to you who are troubled, and to us as well. This will happen when the Lord Jesus is revealed from heaven in blazing fire with his powerful angels. 8He will punish those who do not know God and do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus. 9They will be punished with everlasting destruction and shut out from the presence of the Lord and from the majesty of his power 10on the day he comes to be glorified in his holy people and to be marveled at among all those who have believed. This includes you, because you believed our testimony to you.
    11With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith. 12We pray this so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.
  12. Many times I have come across a scripture that I felt was meant for me to read during a bad time.
    I'm so glad you put your trust in God~
  13. Just want to share two songs I've been listen to a lot lately with the people on this forums. The lyrics for those two songs are good as well (in my opinion). Thanks a lot for the support.

    Rain Down

    I am falling to my knees
    I need You Lord to breathe in me
    My prayer is still the same
    My heart is calling out Your name

    Sweet anointing fill this place
    I am found in Your embrace

    Rain down on me
    Rain down on me
    Here in Your presence I am free
    Pour down like rain
    Come and touch me again
    Lord let Your presence fall on me

    I'm longing just to see
    Your power and Your majesty

    Sweet anointing fill this place
    I am found in Your embrace

    Sweet anointing
    Wash me over
    Sweet anointing
    Wash me over


    Here I am humbled by Your Majesty,
    Covered by Your grace oh friend.
    Here I am knowing I'm a sinful man,
    Covered by the blood of the Lamb.
    Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine,
    Since You laid down Your life,
    The greatest sacrifice.

    Majesty, Majesty.
    Your grace has found me just as I am,
    Empty handed but alive in Your hands.

    Here I am humbled by the love that You give,
    Forgiven so that I can forgive.
    So here I stand,
    Knowing that I am Your desire,
    Sanctified by glory and fire.
    And now I've found the greatest love of all is mine,
    Since You laid down Your life,
    The greatest sacrife.

    Majesty, Majesty.
    Your grace has found me just as I am,
    Empty handed but alive in your hands.
    Singing Majesty, Majesty.
    Forever I am changed by Your love,
    In the presence of Your Majesty.

    We're singing Majesty, Majesty.
    Your grace has found me just as I am,
    And I'm nothing but alive in Your hands.
    We're singing Majesty, Majesty.
    Forever I am changed by Your love,
    In the beauty of Your Majesty.
  14. Thank you for sharing~
    They're both beautiful!


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