Uncertain feelings...

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by master of desguise, Jan 2, 2012.

  1. I am friends with a Christian guy, whom I met over the internet, (and lives in a different country), but lately the emails he has sent me indicate that he feels more than friendship for me. However, in the midst of the things we have discussed, one of the topics was sex before marraige, and I am totally against it, as I believe is a Biblical view. However, he seems to think its fine, as long as both people love each other. I am not certain if I should proceed with this relationship, being as we have different beliefs on this topic, and I don't want to feel pressured because of these beliefs. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!
  2. Well! Master of Disguise, you've been pretty quiet for the last 4 years!:) It's hard to really get the measure of a person over the internet, so much of what we learn about a person is from observing their behavior with other people and in various situations. We see things which are not verbalized (and consequently don't transmit well through internet) but which speak volumes about a person's character. It makes me wonder what other core values the two of you may differ on. To me, this attitude on this one issue is pretty important. It indicates either a considerably different view of Scripture or a certain disregard for it. It makes me wonder about his views on the sanctity of marriage. For instance, is it merely a formality to him? Or does he view it as entering into a sacred bond and responsibility before God? I certainly would encourage you to explore a number of issues with him before proceeding further with the relationship.

    You don't have to answer the following if you don't wish, but I am curious: you say he lives in a different country. How different is his cultural background from yours? Are we talking next door (USA) or a country farther away not only in distance but in cultural perspectives? If this relationship were to progress, where would you go with it (literally and figuratively)? Would you at some point move to his country and if so, what would be your prospects there? Would he move to your country and, if so, what would be his prospects there? Lots of things to think about, and it is easier to think about these things clearly before you become too entangled in romance.
  3. Thanks for your input! As to your questions, he lives in Malaysia, but has made plans to come to Canada -- before we even "met", which was very important for me! I didnt want him to come to Canada for the sole purpose of a relationship with me, and then to discover things didnt work between us. We have been discussing cultural differences, but because neither of us knows a whole lot about the other country, we don't really know what would be different from one place to another. If you have advice about questions I should ask, please feel free to advise! :)

    A long time ago, I made the decision that I wouldn't even consider marrying a guy that I hadn't known for at least 2 years, due to the fact, that so many marraiges have been quickly made, and almost as quickly broken, due to something or a combination of things that were unknown about either person, or some characteristic they were not aware of until after the marraige. I figure, 2 years is a good amount of time to really get to know someone, and know how they react in all sorts of situations.

    It's just that sometimes it can be hard when it seems like you've been waiting FOREVER, and God still hasn't "dropped" the right guy into your life for you! I guess you could say that I struggle with singleness to some degree, mostly becuase I long for companionship. I recently moved into my own apartment, and don't have a lot of close friends nearby, so have resorted to forums such as this, and diving more into my Bible, to fill this need for companionship that I have.
  4. Relationships are a lifelong struggle. When we meet that special someone, the struggles merely take on a different context. This is not cynicism, just reality. God made us for relationship with Him and with each other. Relationships are dynamic and often difficult, but they are the stuff of life.:) We have a few members here from Indonesia, maybe they could be enticed to give some additional input.

    You are right to be cautious, especially about something which is such a huge part of one's life. Take your time, take care, and commit the matter to prayer. Before I comment further in this thread, I'm going to pray for you and I want to look into a couple of things and see if they will be helpful.
  5. Thanks so much for your input and prayers! I know I've been praying about the situation, and how I should proceed for a long time -- even before posting on here. Did you find anything in those "things you were looking into"? Or were they something that didn't really pertain to what I'm going through?
  6. Sorry for neglecting this thread, I have a lot of demands on my time lately, but I haven't forgotten you. The things I looked into weren't very helpful, so I'll have to look in another direction. Anyway, I am still bothered with his view on sex before marriage as that view often is part of a larger view of Scripture which tends to see it as outdated, or more suggestive than prescriptive. My view is that, if a couple love each other and are comitted to each other, they should be willing to be married before having sex. I've never understood the reluctance of some to submit to a formal process of marriage. To me, that's like they're saying "I love you and am committed to you but woah! woah! This marriage thing is too committed! I'm fine with being committed, but I don't wanna be, y'know, locked in." If you're not sure enough of your committment to lock yourself into marriage, you're not ready to have sex - you're still in the experimental stage, checkin' things out, sticking your fingers in the icing on the cake. That's a general "you", by the way, not a finger pointed at you, "you".:)

    Do you have a church that you attend regularly? It always helps to be plugged into a healthy church - helps you to keep busy, gives you a support system to help keep your head on straight, and provides relationships that, while not the same as a romantic relationship, help to fulfill your companionship needs while you wait on God's timing.
  7. Thanks! Yes, I have a church I attend regularly. I'm actually a PK, so my dad is the pastor.But its ok and everything, but I don't know that I would "choose" it persay as the church I attend, my reason being, there's virtually no one my age. All the people who attend are either middle aged couples, or seniors, with the exception of my siblings, so I don't really feel I have people who I can really relate with and share my struggles, you know? Our congregation is only about 20-30 people.

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