I don't know how detailed to get here. My wife and I are both retired and this should be a time in life that we enjoy but I find myself asking if I should divorce my wife and be done with the frustration. There are always two sides to marriage problems but I'm going to stick my neck out and say, in this case, that my side is NOT so bad that it's wrecking the marriage. On the other hand, my wife has four behaviors that I feel are killing our marriage. I've come to the point where I told her that she either needed to go to a counselor and work on these behaviors, or I may have to break my commitment to God and leave her. It should be noted that three of these behaviors have continued through about 5 of the 5 ½ years of marriage. #1 – Soon into our marriage I realized that my wife was a spendaholic. She had no concept of living on a budget and had a lot of credit card debt. Once I found out about the debt I started realizing that she was an habitual liar about her money spending and debts. When we were first married she told me that she had spent $30K to build an apartment in the basement of her parents' home so that she could take care of them. I found out from her mother that She had put up the $30K dollars. Her mother was an invalid and her father had Alzheimers. Along the way I discovered that she was taking money from her mother's checking account and even went so far as to take out credit cards in both their names. Her parents are dead now but she continues to max credit cards that she has no money to pay off. We decided that she would get an allowance but that allowance now goes towards paying minimum payments on the cards. I can't trust her to tell me the truth. She lies when it's convenient for her. Just recently I asked her to give me a list of all her credit cards and she conveniently left off the newest one. This is typical of the behavior. #2 – My wife claims that she has always been “driven” to constantly be moving and working around the house. She also has what I call a “Martyr Complex”. She wants me to feel sorry for her that she has so much to do even though she has no more to do than any other retired person. I've complained incessantly about this behavior and have asked her to spend more time just relaxing and being with me. She absolutely has ignored that request and almost makes herself sick with this constant drive to be up and moving. She has insomnia but refuses to start winding down her mind and body in the evening and going to bed at about the same time every night. #3 – Early on in our marriage because I was incapable of normal sex, she decided that it was not important to have sexual contact of any kind. Again I complained a lot but finally had to just give up because she was as cold as ice when it came to this. She doesn't seem to understand the concept of being close physically without having to have sex (at least normal sex). She also refuses to come to bed and just cuddle even though I've asked her many times. #4 – The latest and newest behavioral problem has to do with her 40 year old son. He has been an alcoholic and drug addict since his youth and now has the mind of a 15 year old. His wife left him and the house was repossessed, so my wife let him move in with us. From the beginning, my wife has enabled him and coddled him even though he has been abusive to her over the years. I set boundaries, he ignores the boundaries. When I get angry with him, she calls me “mean”. When he was given until March to save enough money to move out, he told his mother that he didn't trust us with his money and would save the money aside. In December I found out he had spent all his money on booze and drugs and had nothing. I wanted to kick him out right there and then. She called me mean and we kept the March date. She now says she will back me up when March comes. I plan on kicking him out but I have the feeling she will turn on me again. It should be noted that I left my wife twice. The first time I just planned on getting a legal separation so I moved to Colorado. We reconciled and I came back. The next summer the behaviors continued and I decided to divorce her. Went back to Colorado in my RV. I did file for divorce but had sent the wrong type of paperwork so was going to have to hire a lawyer. I prayed a lot and felt like this was a sign for me to go back and accept my wife as she is and learn to live with her. As you can imagine, with all of this there is a lack of depth to my love for her. I've told her that I love her like a sister in Christ and am willing to stay and keep it together. Since then I've been doing better and letting a lot of things slide but now with the situation with her son and her attitude in that matter, I have become depressed and frustrated. When I have talks with her about changing her behaviors, she gets angry and resentful that I am saying “it's all her fault”. I try to explain that there are always behaviors that I need to work on but hers are the ones killing the marriage. Never in these discussions does she admit to the severity of her behavior and keeps trying to turn it around by saying that “love should be unconditional”. She claims that her love for me is unconditional and she's not asking me to change anything. I try to show her that if I was exhibiting behaviors as serious as hers, her love for me would diminish. So here I am once more with a decision to make. I could leave her tomorrow and it would probably be a relief...but I made a commitment to God to try to love this woman as she is. I've told her that I am NOT going to ask for a divorce unless she just makes life so miserable that I have no choice. On the other hand, she feels that because I am asking her to change some behaviors that I am controlling and not willing to love unconditionally. She wants to know why I would stay if I think “she's so terrible”. I try to show her that she only needs to “try” to work on the behaviors with a counselor and then maybe we can grow back together with even more love for each other. We are scheduled to see counselors individually but I'm curious if you think I'm over-reacting and/or asking too much of my wife?