I am old enough and have had enough marriage counseling sessions that I understand there are always two sides to marriage issues. In my case, however, my wife displays behaviors that are killing our marriage whereas she cannot name anything I'm doing to kill it. My counselor agrees in this situation that "she" is going to have to make the changes to save the marriage. I say that, knowing full-well that someone is going to say "it's never that way". I've mentioned her behaviors in a previous post but will list them again here: #1 - She is a spend-a-holic and refuses to stay within a budget and/or learn how to utilize a budget. Throughout our marriage she has created financial havoc. #2 - She refuses to offer herself to me sexually in any manner. I can't have "normal" sex so she assumes I need nothing which I've told her many times is not true. I can't even get her to come to bed and snuggle. She takes her sleeping pill and is asleep as soon as she hits the pillow. Then she wonders why I don't love her in a romantic way! #3 - She is driven to constantly be working or doing something. I cannot get her to relax and just sit with me or save some energy so we can do things together. She is 65 years old and has health issues. Most people would learned to slow down by this age. Her obsessive behavior drives me nuts. #4 - She has lied to me so many times I can't count. I can't trust her to tell me the truth. #5 - She doesn't support me when I need her support the most. This is true especially when dealing with difficult people. She has me take the heat and then calls me "mean" if I have to get firm with them. There are just some people who don't get the message until you get firm with them and my wife just doesn't seem to understand that. So, in my case would agree that my wife is the only one who can save our marriage? When I say that to her she always tries to turn it around and put the focus on my faults. I try to explain that I am willing to work on my faults but it's not the same thing as doing things to ruin a marriage! Does this make sense?