This may erk some people here

Discussion in 'Marriage and Relationships' started by YelowJacket, Jul 3, 2007.

  1. This may erk some people here

    This may bother some people here but it is a question I must ask. I am in a marriage of 15 years to a Christian woman. However she is very controlling and dominant. It has almost ended our marriage several times and she has actually left once for about two weeks. This was due to my faults ( according to her ).

    I have a buddy who was in a similar situation but his wife did leave and is now in another relationship. Since, I have observed that there are a lot of relationships in the church where women are overly controlling and have taken the scriptures to the limit in order to keep their husbands in submission. I get preached at over and over by my wife if I ever make a decision that is against her wants but in the whole families best interest. She bashes me for not being a good leader but only lets me lead down the road she chooses and the speed she chooses and stopping if and when she chooses. All based on the fact that A man should treat his wife like his own flesh...He should do things that she wants if he loves her.....Doing things she doesn't like is not showing that he loves her.

    We have been to many marriage seminars and I continually get the old elbow in the side treatment when they are suggesting proper marital behavior. Yet if they say something where my wife is at fault it breezes over her head. If I bring it up she gets angry.

    Is there a marriage councilor or seminar out there that has the strength to speak on the Biblical way a wife is to submitt to her husband. That will speak on the proper behavior of a Biblical wife. The way God wanted it to be???? Not women as a pet or slave etc. But proper Biblical harmonic living between Godly men and women. The God based woman's function in a great marriage. They don't seem to have trouble pointing a finger at men and their duties and the shame they should feel if they don't take up their responsibilities, and the havoc it can invoke on a marriage if they abuse them. Is there not shame for women if they henpeck their husband and bully him around based on "scripture"

    Personally I believe that Satan is doing wonders in destroying Christian marriages by nudging women to try to overcome their husbands. Taking control of their men, using scripture out of context. He is capitalizing on the curse put on Eve after they ate the fruit ( God said that women would desire for there husband... to control him)

    Sorry for my bitteness. I just see this a lot and the good husbands do as asked to avoid conflict, being unbiblical, having a wife leave, or just to avoid the hell inflicted on them if they don't do as told.
  2. Yellowjacket,
    I answered this thread and posted it and it vanished!
    Read through some of the things here in the Marriage and Relationship topic.
    I am afraid I have to agree with you because I see too many Christian women who are bossy and dominant with their husbands which is against the Bible.

    Nothing against you personally but do not allow yourself to be intimidated any longer.
    Put your foot down and do it in a Godly way.
    If she does not want to comply then she is wrong.
    I am not judging either one of you only telling you what the Bible says.
    A wife is to be under her husband's subjection.
    She is to be submissive to him.
    And if they are both Christians then there is no problem because the love and respect between you two brings a perfect balance to the marriage.
  3. do they do what is said and read.if they are christian ask them why they act unlike them.
  4. The biblical teaching on marriage are very clear. There are requirements for both parties.
    Some time ago I wrote a book on Christian Commitment. It is called Let's Get Serious and contains a couple of chapters looking, in a very practical way, at this biblical teaching.
    If you feel it may help you can get a copy from
  5. YellowJacket,

    By the hurt I sense in your post, I think we can easily conclude that you do not feel respected by your wife. There is a wonderful book "Love and Respect" which covers the importance of a wife respecting her husband and a husband loving his wife.

    I pray that God would give you a supernatural love for your wife. May this love be out of God's grace, not due to your wife earning this love. May it stem deep from the love your heavenly father has poured out on you.

    I pray that God will enable you to speak to your wife and that she will have ears to hear. May her fears that drive her to manipulate and control, be placed in the hands of a loving God, who is not the author of fear. I pray that you can get to the root of her manipulation and controlling tendencies.

    May God do a wonderful work in your family.
  6. Thank you so much for all your responses. This morning when I re read my post I thought it may have been a little harsh and didn't know what to expect in responses. Everyone has been so kind and obviously understood my heart.

    I know there are a lot of dead beat husbands out there and it has been the norm in society as a stereotype to paint the husband as the abuser. I just wanted to state that I believe the church needs to step up and set women straight in the ways of being a biblical wife just as the promise keepers have been doing for men. I have been to promise keepers functions and they pull no punches when speaking to men in regards to there responibilities, as men, husbands and fathers, and there role in society in order to keep a Godly foundation in home and society. I think, with women, the approch may need to be different though. Some speakers at Promise keepers (for men) have an in-your-face-suck-it-up-and-be-a-real-man-of-God attitude. This works for Godly men but would not work for women.

    Having said that and having sat through sermons concerning family dynamics that are devoid of talking about the woman's role, I believe it may be time for a bit of a refresher for women too.:preach:
  7. YellowJacket, I know from where you speak. This is not aimed at all women, but some women seem to have their own Bible. The men are suppose to be the Spiritual leader as long as he follows his spouses' lead. The man is suppose to treat his wife as Christ treats His church, while the wife treats her husband as the mood fits. I know their are many God fearing women out there with a loving heart and may God bless each and everyone of you.
  8. Yellowjacket, Don't leave buddy. God hates divorce. Look at

    yourself man, are you in any way provoking her? No defense.

    Honestly? You need to take the Head of the Household and live

    according to God's plan. Be accountable for how you are serving

    the Lord. Don't become argumentative with her. Have a buddy who

    left his wife, then his second wife, now he's engaged again. Get the

    picture? Do everything you can to become the man God wants you

    to be. Pray, pray, pray. I can almost guarantee after a couple of

    months, you will see a change in her dude. Love keeps no record of

    wrongs. When you see the change accept and thank the Lord.
  9. Hi YelowJacket,

    I do believe your situation is more manageable than you think. You have a wife with incredible strength. She is just using it in a way that is controlling and demeaning rather than building you up.

    These ideas may seem small, but, it could help. The elbow in the side treatment, "Thank you. I was just thinking of that myself. We both have much to work on and I'm glad you agree." Build her up whenever you can, tell her how much you appreciate the things you truly appreciate. Leave scriptures out for edification to enlighten and strengthen her role as your wife.

    I don't think you are the only man who's had this problem. I've heard many of preachers tell the old joke, "I'm the head of the household, but, my wife is the neck". So, it could be a problem, it's just a matter of getting it under control and that takes patience.

    God Bless
  10. Thanks to all of you for the support. I do believe that there are groups of people who worship the enemy that pray for Christian marriages to fail. I have done some research and now belive that my wife suffers from OCPD not OCD but OCPD. The symptoms of the condition and my wifes behaviors are so alike it is scary. I also believe that the womens movement is anti christian although I do believe women are people and have all the rights of men LOL. I am not a chauvanist. I have no problem with women even being the bread winners. I just don't believe either spouse should hold the other in subordination and lately I have seen a trend of Christian marriages that are out of balance. Could the church be suffering from shadows of the womens movement. (I just saw a post talking about women in the pulpit and as ministers.)

    I truely believe that the gay rights, womens lib, the removal of Biblical material from our schools and the abortion issue are all coming together in such a manner that no man or human intelligence could have organised it to such a finely timed harmony.

    Thanks so much for your kind support.
  11. Gosh, Yellowjacket.
    I probably couldn't agree with you more.
    also, I suffer from OCPD.
    Let me know if you have any questions.
    Good luck and God Bless!
  12. Yellow Jacket I know the best marriage councilor ever! His name is Jesus and if you pray to him whole heatedly he will work it out! I promise...he cant fail he is sure proof! Ask around... His number is 1-800- Jesus!
  13. I believe the reason many women act dominant in their marriages is because they have been hurt badly as children and are scared to let anyone have any 'control' in their lives.
    I believe that if we can lovingly point those that behave like this to the Cross, and pray for them that Jesus will heal their wounds and make them whole.
    It isnt usually just that someone is mean, it des stem from insecurity and fear, trying to enforce something willonly strengthen that fear.
    I strongly believe that the best possible route is to be what you are called to be, pray and encourage and keep seeking first the Kingdom.
    There may be times when you have to confront (in love) but always maintain the love of Christ for her.

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