Hi All This is my story . Just to get it of my chest and to get insight from those that have been through it. I have been married for Fifteen years and have two beautifull children aged 5 and 3. I call it a nuclear war because that is what it is for me total devistation. I was transferred from a small rural town to a big city 4-5 months ago to run a larger transport depot for the company that employes me. My wife was happy to leave for a coastal town, because that was both of our dreams in the long term. After about two months she got a job at a local supermarket as a trainee manager. I was happy for her as our lives have taken a turn for the best. Ok two weeks after that I was retrenched, but it was not the end of the world. I have alway's been a fighter and I openened up my own business. The first month and a half went beyond all expectations. Then about a month ago she said she does not love me anymore and that she wants a divorce. Her words was that she wants to live her own life. OK from my point of view I know I am far from the perfect husband. I am addicted to sex and I have been vebally abusave for 90% of our mariage. So I know and understand why she wants to divorce me. I thought that there was a 3rd party but even if that is the case they have only known each other for two weeks. I take responsability for opening the door to that . And if it is true I know that I am to blame. My problem is that currently my life is a big mess and I do not know how to handle it all. I know that God is the right path. But I am fighting a intense battle in myself between good and evil. Someday's I feel that I am doing ok and other day's,which unfortunitly is most of the time the old evil monster of distruction and massive hate is coming out of me. It feels as if being angry and blayming everybody else exept myself for my sitiuation is giving me power. It feels that I am angry and horrible to the persons that I love dearest in my life I get powerfull. Wich is sick. How do I get away from being so hatefull and hell bend on getting revenge. I even thought and planned a way to 'terminate all my problems' But luckely I know that is wrong and enternal damnation awaits me. But currently I feel if this divorce goes through. Which it will because there is no way in changing my wifes mind and I can not blame her for that. I am going to be dammened for the rest of my natural live being alone. That will be my hell on earth. If it was not for my two little angels everything would have come to a ugly end by now.